MLS Is Not Back

The dawgs lament Nashville's absence from the MLS IS BACK Tournament, but find solace in their newfound Euro-snobbery. A new sponsor threatens to send the fellas spiraling into the depths of insanity. Donald learned a few new words ("Neoliberal," "SocDem,") so of course he insisted on discussing politics towards the end (sorry). Were Nashville SC the victims of a conspiracy to reduce the number of the teams in the MLS IS BACK tournament to a multiple of 4? Is Christian Pulisic better than Messi and Ronaldo... combined? Will Donald declare himself an anarcho-Maoist? The answers lie within.