Moment 97 - The SECRET Hack Behind The Perfect First Date: Paul Brunson - Episodio exclusivo para mecenas episode artwork

EPISODE · Feb 17, 2023 · 7 MIN

Moment 97 - The SECRET Hack Behind The Perfect First Date: Paul Brunson - Episodio exclusivo para mecenas

from The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

Agradece a este podcast tantas horas de entretenimiento y disfruta de episodios exclusivos como éste. ¡Apóyale en iVoox! In your social life the first date is one of the most stressful experiences you can have. From worrying about the impression you want to make, what to wear, where to go and whether this is your future life partner or not, the expectations you set for a first date become impossible. In this moment the love doctor Paul Brunson breaks down why we are all setting ourselves up for failure and why we shouldn’t even go on dates! Instead Paul believes you should scrap the dinner date and go for 30 minute meet ups over a coffee or a walk, relieving all the pressure. What about the all important chemistry on a date? Paul believes this is just physical attraction and listening. Simple! Listen to the full episode here - https://g2ul0.app.link/CJDD2DKdtxb Paul- https://www.instagram.com/paulcbrunson/?hl=en https://www.paulcbrunson.com Watch the Episodes On Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TheDiaryOfACEO/videos Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Escucha este episodio completo y accede a todo el contenido exclusivo de The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett. Descubre antes que nadie los nuevos episodios, y participa en la comunidad exclusiva de oyentes en https://go.ivoox.com/sq/3129998

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Manufacturing is never simple, but Epicord makes it easier. Our industry built ERP and AI tools help you increase throughput for use downtime and improve cash flow. Without adding complexity, if you're ready to run a smarter, more efficient factory, visit Epicord.com. Another question I had was about honesty, from the jump.

You go on a first date, you meet someone. How honest should I be? Should I tell them about my childhood trauma on the first date? Is that being authentic or is that offloading?

Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, Chris Rock said it best. You know, when you meet someone, especially on a date, you're not meeting them, you're meeting their representative. You know, so from that standpoint, we have to understand that there is a boundary negotiation that happens, especially on these first dates.

And it is the tennis game again, right? So what you're trying to do ultimately is you're trying done. And let me even back up. Can I say this about the first one?

Is that I think most of us who do the first date completely wrong, entirely wrong, we set ourselves up from the jump to fail miserably and be disappointed. And the reason why is because the first date is too intricate. It's too big, you know, it's dinner, but to prepare for dinner, I'm gonna buy a new whatever. You know, I'm gonna get my hair done.

You know, I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna buy this new thing. I'm gonna get the car wash. I'm gonna do all this stuff.

We've spent, we've invested so much that we've set ourselves up for failure. Also, a first date, quite honestly, over dinner is an interview. It always turns into an interview. And then the culture I've noticed in the UK is fascinating is that this is not everyone, but typically I notice is we're gonna get completely pissed before the date.

Like, so we can talk to each other. So we're just gonna drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. Okay, now let's talk to each other. And so it becomes, we set ourselves up for having a very costly date in time, effort, resources.

Instead, it sounds so simple. I like meetups. Let's not, let's even take the pressure off of the date situation. Let's call it a meetup.

30 minutes, let's have coffee, right? The reason why I love that or a walk. Sounds stupid, right? No, a walk for 30 minutes.

Let's just go walk at lunch. Let's go take a walk. The reason why I love that is because the expectation is so much lower in that situation. So much lower, the cost, so much lower, right?

So the investment, right, so much lower. So therefore that return on investment, potentially so much higher. But then also psychologically, what I love is it's happening is if it's coffee, caffeine, if it's a walk, it's endorphins going, right? Those help us to bond, right?

Opposed to alcohol, that's a depressant, right? It's doing the opposite. So in terms of elucidating ourselves for great conversation and preparing ourselves for success, a walk or coffee is great. The other part of that is, I've had millions, I've had, let's say thousands of clients who I've said, okay, in particular, this is for ladies telling men, tell the guy that you want to meet up for coffee in the day.

A lot of guys are doing that. Yeah, because I want to get laid. You're like, I'm not doing that, right? So right away, it's a great filter, it's an easy filter for you.

So that's part of that. And then if it works well, then when I say if it works well, is you just need two things on that meetup. Are you physically attracted to them minimally? And then did they listen to you?

So if you have the ability to communicate, they listened critically, you listen critically, and you're physically attracted, that is chemistry. Because we have a hard time defining what is chemistry? You say, what is chemistry? What does that mean?

And everyone's like, I don't know, I don't know. It is, I think, one part physical attraction, mutual physical attraction, another part, critical listening. Listen, if you have that, you have enough to move forward and then see each other in another environment. So true, because I just reflect on how many of my friends, both men and women, will come back from a date that didn't work out and just resentfully talk about how much they've spent and how long it cost them and how much money it cost them and the preparation and the facial and the hair and the nails.

And they sit there resentfully. You're right, bringing that level of expectation to a first encounter. You know, Mo Gada said here and said, we're happy when our expectations of how life is supposed to be going are met and we're unhappy when our expectations of how life is supposed to be going to be met. I'm coming in with one hell of an expectation that you're going to be my husband.

Yes. I've put in all the work. We'll be the investment at the time, three hours. And then if you fall anywhere below, that for whatever reason, I'm probably looking for, you know, oh God, it's not, you're almost setting yourself up to fail by doing such a huge initial upfront investment.

Yes, and you know what, you were making, I think, a brilliant, brilliant point there is that when you've made that investment, what you end up doing is you're looking for reasons to weed them out. Yeah, because you're like, I mean, I did all this. Yeah, she's trainers. Yeah, what trainers is this guy wearing?

Oh my God, do you see that? Those are the last years. I bought these shoes for this year. Yeah.

Yeah, it's crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. What are you struggling with in your relationship? Oh, man, you know, it is time. Really?

Time quality time? It is, it is, I would say time but quality time because I am, you know, right now I'm predominantly doing television work and I've been in TV now, you know, for since Oprah, you know, so 12, 13 years. So it's been a while. And one thing I've noticed about the television space is that there are moments when you're hot and there are moments when you're not.

And when you're hot, it's, that's the time to leverage. So you have to, you're already working your ass off, but you better work it off even more. And so I'm in that zone right now. I mean, I'm blessed.

I'm posting two shows, I'm contributing to three shows, one in the States, two here in the UK. So it's one of these where I'm constantly work every day, every day and work, every day and working. So that time with my wife, that time with my children, that's the time that I wish I can get some back. How are you negotiating that?

How are you serving the ball over the net in terms of the tennis and energy to make sure things aren't, you know, she still feels like a priority and your family still feel like a priority? Yeah, that's a great one. I mean, finding those moments and making sure that we're in, or should I say, making sure that we're intentional about the moments that we do have, right? So this morning, for example, before I came over here, we had breakfast together, went out, had breakfast together, sat, talked with the dog, right?

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Frequently Asked Questions

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This episode is 7 minutes long.

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This episode was published on February 17, 2023.

What is this episode about?

Agradece a este podcast tantas horas de entretenimiento y disfruta de episodios exclusivos como éste. ¡Apóyale en iVoox! In your social life the first date is one of the most stressful experiences you can have. From worrying about the impression you...

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