Moments, Memories + Living

My husband said something to me yesterday that has just been echoing around my mind since.He said, “We think we have to make moments and memories happen, plan them, create the perfect conditions for them, but really it’s the everyday moments where we’re just present that become the most precious memories.”Mic. Drop.It left my body feeling awash in sweetness and warmth. Like heated honey moving down my throat to warm my belly. The animal of my body just settling down into the Truth of this.And I noticed that my system feels different; softer, more pliable, less rigid.I have always had moments of relaxation and calm, sure.I meditate.I get massages and body work.I sit on my deck and enjoy the view.I laugh with my girls and deeply enjoy their company.But there has always been something just on the periphery creating an itchiness and eventually I always have to go scratch it.There is always something to do.Always something that requires me to leave the moment.Always something pulling at my attention.Always a low level vigilance I feel.But I’ve been noticing this last month more and more places of true smoothness; where the ever present itch of productivity is just simply not there.Where I am truly just humbled and immersed in the present moment.My system feels more relaxed and more allowed to be exactly as and where it is.And so what changed? What has actually shifted for me to be experiencing more and more of the precious moments in life?As with all true change it is multifaceted and can’t be pinpointed to one thing, but what it really comes down to is this:For the last year; I have been feeding myself.Physically feeding myself enough food, enough calories and consistently.I have been feeding myself nutrient dense foods on a regular schedule. Every three hours when I’m awake; I have protein, carbs and fat.I eat a protein, carb and fat within 30 minutes of waking up and within 30 minutes of going to sleep.I have been intentionally and lovingly telling my body through sustenance, for a year, that I will feed it, that there is enough food, that I am thinking about and caring for its energetic needs.I am telling my body, there is abundance here, you are safe.It’s been at the very least 20 years since my body has been trusted and listened to on this nonjudgmental of a level.I have spent the last 20 years distrustful of my bodies cues, thinking I just needed more self control and that my hunger and my cravings were something broken about me.I have spent the last 20 years trying to manipulate and manage my body and her desires.And because of this (and yes, also because of a culture that teaches productivity equals worth and distrust of the feminine) my body and nervous became chronically activated.My body felt like it was constantly under attack, constantly in a state of triaging what survival mechanisms should utilize the precious limited amount of energy available to it.And now after a year of consistent nourishment my body is starting to let her guard down and I can feel it everywhere.The moments are sweeter.The memories are richer.Life feels less like survival and more like really living.My system can be in rest and digest more often. I am not running off of stress hormones or constantly feeling the pull of basic subsistence and for the normal everyday moments, this makes all the difference.Our “new age” is obsessed with mindfulness and self care, and there is nothing wrong with that, but feed yourself enough and meet your basic needs on a consistent basis, and see how much easier it becomes to enjoy the moments right in front of you.You don’t need to practice so much “presence” when your system isn’t constantly under the impression its threatened.This is what it means to be fully FED.FED is my 6 month container where we will be going deep into how to deeply nourish ourselves so that our systems can rest in the beauty of our everyday moments.Message me if you feel called to this. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit clarabelize.substack.com/subscribe