Motivation and Relationships

Stop with the sticker charts, cookies, threats, and bribes! Put down the gold star!  Don’t say, “if you ….” ever again!   There’s a better way!    To be completely transparent, this better way is not likely to be faster… at first.   But as I talked about in the episode “Motivation Killers”, all of those bribes don’t work very well in the long term.  You have to keep upping your game, promising more and more.   However, there is something that doesn’t require any upping of the ante, or any tricks.  And it works to motivate your kiddo in the long-term.   Actually, there are SEVERAL somethings that work like that!   Today though, we are talking about RELATIONSHIPS!   The relationship between a parent and child can be very powerful in motivating a child to do something that we are asking them to do.  Or in motivating them to learn something specific.   When our children feel seen, loved, and respected, they are much more likely to be helpful.  And when they feel respected by us, it opens them up to be interested in what we are doing.   A strong relationship with your child can lead them to be interested in what we are interested in, or in feeling free to explore something that they are interested in!   When children feel that they are in conflict with us and that we are threatening their autonomy, they aren’t very likely to be cooperative (especially as they get older and need to express their autonomy!).  But when we have a mindset based around respect and being on their side in all challenges, they see us as someone who they can come to with difficulties, and maybe even someone with interesting ideas!   What are you doing to foster the relationship you have with your child?