Hello and welcome to another episode of Movie Mastery, the podcast where we watch the movies that you recommend to us. I am your host, John. With me, my co-host, Jeff. Hello, how are you? I'm sorry, I realize now that that was my intro as well. Yeah, I realize now that you were just sort of making hand motions. I'm like, hey, that don't work. This is a podcast. People can hear me making wild hand gesticulations. That's normal. Yeah. It's not worth it to tell people to knock it off. I've tried that before. We are done with the Halloween stuff. We are back.
If you don't know, if this is for some reason your first episode, Wild Joyce. My first episode. That's why I didn't know that was my introduction cue. Yeah. The way this works is we have a big list of movies that have been recommended to us that go onto the list every time we do an episode. I roll up two of them and we pick one of those to do. Usually I roll up two because there's a not insignificant chance of one of the ones I roll up being completely incapable of being found. Yeah, it's just completely inaccessible. It is dead to the world. There are still several movies we've rolled up where just out of passing interest I've tried to locate later and just can't. Oh, there...
There was at least one movie, like Grizzly three or something like that. That was completely, I think it's an Italian thing. Yeah. There was one movie that I found the, I could find the first 20 minutes of on YouTube and was like, oh fuck. Yeah, we're doing this. I started watching it. I was even taking notes and you know, a fucking movie is wild if I'm taking notes and finish that up. And I was like, all right, it's one of those things where it's like chopped up into like, oh, this movie, part one, this movie, part two. And I was like, okay, I found the first two parts. This is the first like 10 minutes each. Great. And then just no other parts existed. It was just the 20 minutes. And I went.
Fuck! And had to come up with a new thing to do. That's a shame. But at least this time we were able to find it. It's on Tubi. That's right. It's on Tubi. If you want it, it's on Plex. It's on Roku. It's on Grungus. Oh, they have that on Schmeck. So this time around, we rolled up 1982's Runaway Nightmare. What the hell is wrong with you people making us watch this? Who? Did you hear about this and not watch it yourself? Who the fuck heard about this? I don't know. Like, I get...
that this is a movie that ended up getting a re-release DVD Blu-ray nonsense about 10 years ago. Which is crazy. Why? Why does this need a fucking Vinegar Syndrome print? There's nothing interesting here. Yeah, we got a Vinegar Syndrome print. Was it Vinegar Syndrome? Yes, it was. What the fuck? Got him in one. Jesus Christ. Because, this is a weird thing, so Runaway Nightmare, while you are watching it, you're like,
Oh, I know what this is. This is one of those exploitation films because it's, you know, general idea is a couple of guys get like abducted into a cult full of sexy ladies. And it's set in like the Death Valley. So, you know, it's going to be a bunch of sweaty people. So, yeah, it makes sense. It's a late 70s grindhouse kind of thing. Yeah. You're like, oh, I'm about to see just so many 70s boobs. Yes. And there are none. And that's because we're watching the re-release, the original one. When it got released, people distributed it.
with nudity cut into the movie that was not there originally. Yeah, which I had heard because when I looked it up, I was trying to track down the film to watch it, and one of the things I found was a review of it where they said that it was filmed almost entirely in some guy's house, or in the actual desert and in an abandoned house, except for the nudity shots, which he had to go back and get separately, and he filmed them in a separate studio. Yeah, which is not even what happened. It's the distributor of the VHS of it, because it, you know, basically was one of the very first straight-to-video movies. The distributor who did that...
just spliced nudity into it. Oh, so the nudity isn't even of the actors from the film or anything. It's just random, like, boobs in the frame. It is literally just the dude would go, oh, when you see some ladies and it seems like it would cut to some nudity, I'm going to splice in just, like, some close-ups on some tits or whatever and just put that into the movie because the movie feels like it should have nudity. Yeah. And so I will supply it myself. Interesting. Using the Coolashop effect to trick these women into appearing naked in a film. And, you know, obviously it's not really them. Yeah. So this got re-released 2014 and got the full...
Like, oh, we're going to cut out all the weird nudity that wasn't supposed to be in there. We've got a full production backstory on how this was made, which is why people know that backstory on this got made. And then I had to go do a bunch of reshoot shit because the guy who made it, Mike Cartel, you can tell a movie is going to be amazing when it is written, directed, edited, starring the same person. I will say that this doesn't feel as bad as some of the other movies we've watched that have that storyline to it. He's written himself in as the main character, but also as kind of the boob.
Yeah, that stuff is happening to him all the time. We have sort of two main guys in here that get kidnapped by this lady cult. And one of them is having a great time. And the other one played by Mike Cartel is just constantly having the worst time. So you're like, all right, you didn't.
make this specifically to be like, haha, I have made this so that I can have ladies give me kisses and show boobs to me. Like, it was not done for that, which I honestly need to applaud, because this feels exactly like one of those. This is just missing a black tank top. Yeah, it doesn't have the black tank top, and ultimately, at that point, I'm like, why did you make this then? Clearly, it wasn't to tell a story, because I've just watched this film, and I can't tell you what it was about. Yeah, I mean, I'll tell you what it's about after the break. For money. For a dollar. But yeah, this is spoiler-free review.
Fucking boring. Very boring. It took four years after being filmed to finally get sent out. So it was a 70s film. It just came out in 82 because it took four years for Mike Cartel to finally get a cut together. Yeah. And you had to put a bunch of boobs into it. Apparently, apparently just had to go out there and free range source them boobs. Yeah. I mean, most of it is just I had to do some reshoot shots of things. And you can always tell when those are because it'll go from, oh, this was in the desert or a house to.
We are in a fully black room. There is nothing around here. You're like, all right, dude. Tight close up on a black room, which we're going to try and present as if it's already exploration, as if we're like seeing things from... Yeah, it's like, oh, he walked into a room and the room of this house is a black curtain. Yeah, it's a black void in there because we've entered into the realm of his thoughts or to a sort of neutral plane where the background doesn't really matter because we're focusing on the character as he stands there and says nothing of note.
But yeah, just awful editing, awful sound, just bad. The worst jazz music you've ever heard in your life, unless you've listened to like, I don't know, L. Ron Hubbard's Private Select stuff. Great, because the music was, I believe, made by Mike Cartel's mother. Oh, wonderful. Like the original songs you hear in there are written by Cartel's mother. And there are only three songs in this movie. So get used to those. They're very bad. But yeah, Jesus, it's not good. No, no, it's a mess.
It's a mess and it's a big, long, boring 70s mess. So I hope you're ready for one of those. Hooray. Well, we are going to play a little music. We are going to come back and you are going to get the full in-depth spoiler review of 1982's Runaway Nightmare. We're back and it is time to get into Runaway Nightmare.
This movie is great. Can't wait to tell you all about it. Let's get started. Oh, God. Oh, man, I'm going to be relentlessly positive. Here we go. I think one of my favorite things about the movie is how much time they're really willing to spend on just sort of letting the environment play out, really making sure you're immersed in it fully by not really doing anything or saying much. Oh, yeah. And because the sound in this is so bad, so often it'll be like, you're in a room full of people.
that are all obviously talking and like moving around. You get none of that sound. You just have sort of the like low tinkling of a piano in the background. And then as soon as someone talks, all noise cuts out and it's just, I am talking now. And then it goes back to the tinkling piano because you're like, oh, you weren't able to record actual sound. I'm sure he recorded that real room tone and just had no idea what the fuck to do with it. Like he's listening to it. He's like, how do I isolate individual voices? And I'm like, I get it, man. Not everyone is Robert Altman or whatever the fuck, but this is... There's a thing watching movies where you would think...
watching an amazing movie would make you go, shit, dude, there's no way I could ever make movies because you would see that and go, how could I aspire to this? Whereas I have the opposite thing where I watch a movie like this and go, man, making a movie must be incredibly difficult if you can spend four years editing and this is the best product you could do. Yeah. One of the few things, I mean, I've given up on 90% of their output because I find them to be kind of pieces of shit, but most of them, the red letter media guys. Yeah. But whenever they turn to camera and just say flatly, making a movie sucks shit is incredibly hard and you make nothing out of it. Yeah. Anytime they do it, they look, we've made like five movies. It is the worst fucking thing. It is hard. It is thankless. It is impossible. Yeah.
No, this is the type of movie that when I watch it, I go, oh, yeah, it's really difficult to make a good movie or even a competent movie. Like, I don't need to make a fucking grand masterpiece, but even making like a halfway coherent film with decent sound and editing, you're like, that's a miracle. Yeah. But this ain't no miracle. Nope. And we opened on our two main characters, Ralph and Frank, or whatever their names are. Ralph and Jason. Ralph and Jason, thank you. I do like that we establish, without words, before we ever even get to them, just a lot of shots of the desert, because we have to establish there is a Death Valley worm ranch. Yes, they own a Death Valley worm ranch. But before we even see that sign, we get the Death Valley insect ranch. Yes. And then it...
like, hangs out for 30 seconds and then cuts to another sign that says Death Valley Worm Ranch, and I'm like, well, which one is it, my friend? Because those are two different things. Oh, the movie doesn't care. Oh, no. That's the problem. That's foreshadowing. If you want to spend the rest of your movie being angry and the fact that it's a boring, toneless movie that goes nowhere isn't enough for you, then yeah, they routinely stress that they own two large tanks, one of them full of worms, the other one full of snails, and all of that constitutes an insect farm. Uh-huh. People will constantly call it a bug farm or an insect farm, and bugs and insects...
are not worms or snails. Yeah. I mean, I wanted to see a snails or mollusks and worms, I think are just like lots of things, right? Because there's like a bunch of stuff that gets classified as worms. Yeah. I can't remember the actual like nightcrawler, the standard sort of worm. Anilids, I think. Yeah. I was like, I know it starts with a vowel and that's about as far as I can get. Yeah. I mean, there's a bunch of different things that potentially describe worms. So pre-apulids and so on. But I think it's anilid is the one that you're looking for if you want to just describe what a like earthworm is. Yeah. But like a bug is specifically.
Well, yeah, bug is really specific. It's weirdly specific. It has to be an insect, and then more specific, one with mouth parts for piercing and sucking. Yes, yeah. It's one specific block of winged insects actually constitute bugs. The thing is, bug has a much more strong colloquial application. It just means anything that crawls around. Like, I'm willing to accept, if you say, ah, I'm scared of bugs, when you see a scorpion, I won't be like, well, technically. Exactly. Yeah, I'm granting you that one. Like, anything that's an invertebrate or whatever, you're fine. But insect feels like it's got less of a connotation. Which is weird, because it is less specific than bug. I know, right? It is. And yet, it hasn't been used that way for a long time.
You know, insects mean something. It does not mean worms and snails. No. So that's going to be just a minor annoyance as we make our way through the film. Yeah. So we do find our main men, Ralph and Jason, as...
They are hanging out in the desert. Jason, I believe, is the one sunning himself. Yes, Jason is the one who's sunning himself, and Ralph is poking around with a rifle that he has and just sort of standing in the desert. Which is a weird thing for them to just sort of be up on some rocks in the desert, like, hey, we're just hanging out here. And I'm like, I don't know, man, I guess. Don't you have a ranch to take care of? They're having a boring, I mean, it's a worm and snail ranch. I feel like it kind of moves at a relatively slow pace.
But they're kind of they're just standing around having quiet time. And one of them, I think it's Jason is the one who's like, I don't know if I'm into this. I got to go to L.A. I got to get back to L.A. This fucking sucks. I know this was my idea and all, but I'm so bored out here. I need to see people. Yeah. Meanwhile, Ralph is just like, what? It's not so bad. You just hang out in the desert. It's got a nice clarity of purpose to it. And anyway, let me just shoot my rifle off and nothing in particular. Nothing interesting ever happens out here. We sure are boring guys. Five minutes. And that's when we get.
Ralph sees two guys carry a basically coffin-sized box to just a random spot, dig, bury the box, fuck off. Now, he just watches this, and they bury this full coffin-sized thing in the ground, which means it took whoever these two guys were with shovels a while to do that, because I don't know if you've ever tried to dig a big hole. It takes a while. It takes a long time, and that was bigger than a coffin. That thing was like two refrigerator boxes stacked on top of each other. Now, to be fair, they didn't like...
go farther than just to cover the top of it. It's not like they did a six foot deep thing. And honestly, this was a brief moment where I thought this movie might surprise me because when they go down there, the first thing Jason says is, what do you think they buried? Maybe it's just garbage they buried. And Ralph's like, no, people come out here to get rid of garbage all the time. They just throw it wherever because they're in the desert. Yeah, they just dump it. They only bury it if it's valuable. And I'm like, oh, that's actually fairly clever.
It's irrelevant. Yeah, they open it up and there is a beautiful naked woman that you will never see any of her, you know, actual nakedness of. No, and she's got a lily clasp between her boobs, like they're doing a classic death thing. Weird. Because she is very much alive. She's alive. And I guess she's unconscious, but we aren't sure how or why and we never will be. No. This is, her name is Fate. Uh-huh. And they are full good Samaritans here. They see her, they're like, oh, shit. All right, well, let's...
Let's wrap her up in something that's just naked. Yeah, we'll put a blanket around her. We'll get her into the truck. We'll take her to the house. They lay her down. They're like, all right, well, we need to call the cops, figure out what happened. Like, they are attempting to take care of this person and being, like, good and not shitty creeps. Yeah, they're not being creeps. It's really important to know that they are not being creeps at the beginning here because they find a naked, unconscious lady in the desert and it's moved from late 70s. So, obviously, and it's two fucking chucklehead dorks you're not going to like. Yeah. So, the fact that they were just like, let's just wrap her up, put her in a bed. Yeah, we're very concerned about her. Whatever's going on is not cool. It's also not our thing. So, we're going to do a good Samaritan thing and then we're going to pass
ladies show up with guns and are like, hey, where's the woman? And she has apparently gotten enough of like presents to get up and go to the shower, I believe. Yeah, I think she like went and passed back out in the bathtub. She got up off the bed, went to the bathtub and passed out there instead. It's just a minor point of contention because when they get our two guys at gunpoint, they're like, yeah, no problem. She's in this room right over here. And then they go in there like, oh, what happened? She's not in here anymore. I don't like it when I'm lied to by men. And like, I'm not lying to you. She was lying right there and then she's just gone. I don't know what happened to her. And then someone finds her in the bathroom. They're like, oh, fate's over here. And the
I mean, I'll just say the cult, even though... they don't act the way you would assume a cult would. They don't appear to have any kind of like religious practices or anything like that. There's a couple of bits here and there where they talk about like rituals and things they're going to do, but 99% of their time is spent just being boring in a main room. No, it feels like a cult in the way that you would have like some of the old like con men that would do like health retreat things, that kind of cult where it's like, oh, I've told everyone that if you come out and follow me around, we can, you know, I'll give you the secret to internal youth and health and whatever. Sure. So that type of thing. It's right here in my balls.
You got to get it out. And then they stabbed my balls. Yeah, yeah. And that's what I wanted. That's why I installed a zipper, I say. In my balls. Yeah. So they say, all right, well, you two are going to come with us and we'll have Hesperia decide what to do with you. Uh-huh. So Jason is basically on board after a little bit of like, oh, I don't know what these ladies want. But as soon as he's like, oh, we got to whatever their compound is out in the desert as well. And was like, oh, it's just a bunch of hot ladies. Yeah, I like that. And Ralph.
Ralph spends this entire movie being... just tortured and is the only one among the two of them that has any amount of, like, sense where he's like, oh, it's, uh, it's really hard for me to be aroused when someone has me at gunpoint. I'll just go ahead and say that. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, good job, Ralph. Yeah, Ralph, I mean, again, this is the guy who wrote the movie. It's weird because the two of them, that's as close as he gets to taking the matter seriously as every once in a while he'll say things like, ah, they have us at gunpoint or we should probably try and get out of here and things like that. But most of the time, whenever they show up and threaten him, he's just sort of like, I don't understand why you're being so mean. Like, they both are completely disaffected by most of the things they encounter. They're just kind of like, huh, neat. Oh, yeah. Just sort of passive. Everyone in this movie is just like
done in this, everyone feels like they are just reading some lines as passively as they can and not even monotone because that would be a choice. This is like, oh, I see words written and I'm just going to read them out. So instead of being like, I am reading words, you're like, oh, no, I'm reading this like I would read anything. But that isn't giving anything aside from the emotions of I see some words. Yes, it's very muted from one end to the other. Part of the problem is we are establishing now that Ralph is kind of our everyman main character who's just going through like learning about this.
he's the audience plant yeah where uh jason is gonna become kind of like the lothario the one who sinks into the world of the cult and like who starts hooking up with the women and so on and they're interested in him but they're not interested in ralph which is weird because they don't look all that different like it took me a few minutes to figure out which one was which eventually i settled into ralph kind of looking like weird al yankovic yeah like he really does like oh yeah he looks like short-haired early 2000s weird al yankovic he sounds like ted mcginley but he looks like weird al yankovic yes and jason is slightly more muscular he's a little more muscular but also a little less attractive in my game i kind of pegged him for like looking like a young taylor negrone okay That makes sense. Yeah, not really. For every time he's like, yeah, I'm the attractive one. I'm like, eh, well, well. Maybe don't tilt around to the side, though. Your profile's kind of meh. So Hesperia is who they are waiting for, who is the leader of this cult, I guess. It turns out the cult just has like two founders. They aren't really like special religious significance or anything like that. Oh, yeah, because like I was saying, it doesn't feel like a cult because no one's like, oh, the great Hesperia. They're just like, oh, Hesperia will figure out what to do to you because she's in charge. Not like I am a cult leader, but just like I'm in charge of these ladies. Yes. And even then, not.
fully because like as soon as they come out Hesperia is like oh we're gonna I don't know give you the opportunity to join our cult Instead of killing you. Yeah. And this does not set well with about half of, I guess, the ruling council of ladies. Yeah. I mean, a lot of them are just like, no, I didn't want, I mean, I'm part of this all women living in a flop house in the desert cult because I wanted to get away from men. Yeah. So I don't want to add two men now all of a sudden. It feels like such a weirdly specific time. We've got like 12 women out here and now all of a sudden two random dudes get to come in. This is what ruins poly communities. Yeah. You definitely have the sort of like, I am the stereotypical man hating woman. You have like, of the ones who don't want them there. You have the man hater. Yeah.
You have a weird sort of like witchy one. You have a vampire. There's just a vampire who spends her downtime pretending to be a painting. Yeah. And then also at one point, giving Ralph a hot foot. A classic, I stuck a match in your shoe hot foot. Yes. And that's like her one major bit of business. And then she's relevant to the ending of the movie. And that's it. Not really. I mean, sort of. In the credit sequence part, she has a bit of relevance at the very end.
Did you watch the credits? Yeah. I mean, anyway, we'll get to it. That is the last shot of the movie, so it's not super important. But yeah, there's a group that don't want them there, and there's a group that does, and then there's a bunch of neutral parties. They have a vote, and the vote is only like...
six people, technically seven, because it's three people like vote yes, three vote no, and then Fate has the tie-breaking vote and votes yes. Yes. So you can tell it's contentious. Yeah, and Fate decides it largely, I mean, obviously because she got rescued by these guys and so on. She disappears for a while, and after it's announced that there is going to be a vote, but before the vote happens, the two guys are left in the care of the cult while Hesperia goes out somewhere. And they're like, hey, just leave these two guys alone. You're responsible for watching them, but leave them alone. But the moment she's gone, one of the women immediately swoops the two of them up, ties them to polls, and is like, I'm into BDSM and bondage, and I'm going to torture you because I hate men. Yes.
and pulls out a branding iron and is like, you will be cleansed by flame. And that's when Hesperia shows back up. And again, I can't point out enough how much they're just kind of like, huh, well, I wish you wouldn't do that. Yeah, like when she's coming at Ralph with a branding iron, he moves away from it in the same way you would if someone was trying to feed you something you don't like. He's just kind of like, hey. He strains hard enough to break the pole he's tied to, but then just lies down sideways instead of trying to shimmy off the pole or anything. Yeah, there's no fear. So you're not trying to play this for like, oh shit, oh God, don't.
Brand me. But there's also no comedy in this. It's supposed to be kind of a comedy thing, but has zero comedic elements. Yeah. So Hesperia shows up, like you were saying, after this lady threatens but doesn't actually hurt them in any way. And Hesperia's like, hey, we said not to do that. And she's like, oh, well, I challenge you to a duel then. Yeah. I'll use my right of a duel. And Hesperia's like, all right, what weapon? Pistols. And everyone goes out the next day to the front of a barn or whatever where they're having this. And there's a lady ringing a gong. And every time she rings a gong, Hesperia comes out and does something. And there is, of course, the guys are there. And they overhear.
Some of the ladies talking, they're like, oh man, Hesperia is going to fucking die because the one who challenged her, I can't remember her name, is the best at pistols. Like that's her whole deal. She's amazing with a gun. Yes. And they're like, Hesperia has no chance, which again is like, why is there a dueling rule in this cult? Why would you instill that? Yeah. I was like, this feels not like a cult because there's no way a cult leader would be like, and if anybody wants to fight me for leadership, you can. If at any time you disagree with me for any reason, you can challenge me to something I'm bad at. And if you win, you're the cult leader. Yeah. That's not a thing that happens. Yeah. Especially as we learn, as we make our way through the movie, that the cult was founded by Hesperia and fate.
Uh, and the two of them are just two women from Marin who decided they could use this cult for like profit or whatever. Yeah. And that's it. That's like the whole story of the cult was just two women from like North central California. We're like, Hey, let's get a gaggle of women together and commit some random robberies and light smuggling for money reasons. And also let's institute a dueling policy and let's set our base up in death Valley. Yeah.
Just fucking wild things, which is why it reminds me of the whole, like, con man. Because there were the ones who set up just in the middle of the desert and were like, I have all the health supplements you want. Just that old school con man shit. Yeah, building like a sanatorium somewhere. It's very similar to that. But it doesn't really lend it. None of the shit makes any sense as taken as a whole. This whole dueling scene is insane. Yeah. And they go out. The challenger pulls a gun, like, faster than Hesperia could ever do. Yeah, and Hesperia just keeps her arms crossed. And smiles the whole time. And she's like, all right, well, now it's the end for you, Hesperia. I'll make this. Quick. Wait.
No, I won't. I'll make this slow. And then aims it like her foot and then pulls the trigger and the gun explodes. Sort of. Let's be real. They didn't have. No, they did not have budget. What they had was people going, wow, her head got blown clear off. We do not have the budget to show that. It is just off screen. They just show like they just superimpose sparks over the shot of the lady with a gun and then cut to an explosion and then to the guys watching on. Yeah. Like just a stock footage of an explosion. And then, yeah, they're talking like Hesperia gave her a trick gun. That's very clever of her. Like that's.
You have a whole thing where you're like, you can duel me, but it's fine if I just put a bomb in the weapon you decide on? What the fuck did you even have the rule for? If you're like, all right, we'll duel. All right, I pick swords. Great, I put a little bomb in your sword. The second you pick it up, it blows up. Ha ha, I'm clever. No, you're a cheater. Don't duel me. Why? She's also a cult leader. I mean, I feel like you're- Yeah, but don't institute a duel rule then. Well, she didn't really institute a duel rule. She instituted a fake duel rule whereby you can challenge her to a duel and be summarily killed. It's a great weeding out people who might challenge you to duels policy. Yeah, this has to be the first time anyone has ever used a duel because-
Otherwise you'd be like, oh, I'm not doing that shit. I'm going to get blown up. Yeah. Or you'd go, I'll bring my own weapon. Thanks. I won't take the one you hand to me. Exactly. It's going to be, I challenge you to a duel and the weapons will be whatever I show up with that day. Thank you. The weapon is naked wrestling. So there is no chance that you have hidden a bomb on anything. And that won't hurt either of us because they'll just use stock footage of breasts. Yeah. We can't do naked wrestling because we won't be able to show it. Uh, anyway, it wasn't real budget for actually, we actually take our tops off. So no, they, uh, they get.
I guess inducted in there with trials, but the trials are like, we hang you upside down from some holes. That lasts for 20 seconds. Anyway, we've cut to a different thing. We're done. Yeah, they say that there's multiple trials, but they hardly matter. Like, I think the second trial was, hey, Ralph, you have to use your van to drive us into town to hang out at a bar. Like, it's not that impressive. No, that was definitely later. It's just sort of a, all right, well, you have trials. What are the trials?
I don't know, man. We'll hang you upside down for a bit. And not even upside down. It's like hogtied. I mean, honestly, once they get inducted is the worst part of the movie, because that's when we kick off the part where they're just hanging around the house for like 40 minutes, just doing repetitive, boring minor scenes with all these characters that I think are supposed to be comedy beats. Yeah. Except because nothing is truly played silly enough or over the top enough or anything to be funny. What happens, especially with Ralph, ends up being kind of terrifying. Yeah. Because Jason is like, oh, I'm fine. I'm going to go off with some people. I get along with them.
And one of the ladies is like, oh, everyone has a task now. So we're going to go do some stuff. But to keep you busy, Jason, you're going to go move boxes in and out of a van for a while just to keep you busy. And Ralph is told to chop up wood into splinters. Again, just to keep him busy. Yeah, they don't actually, it's already chopped. They just want to take the wood and chop it more. Yeah, just take this and literally just chop it until you can't anymore. And one of the ladies shows up with a shotgun and Ralph is like, I'm just so tired. I haven't slept. Please let me sleep. And she's like, I have a place you could sleep. Takes him by gunpoint into a room and he lies down. He's just like,
Oh, thank you so much. I really need this. And then she takes her top off and jumps on him. And he's like, please, no, you don't. I'm just, please don't do this. Like, you're going to be disappointed. I'm just too tired to do anything. And at that point, a lady comes in, throws a knife into the wall, and then comes up and basically holds him at knife point. We cut away to not see it, but you just hear him like, hold him down.
At that point, Ralph gets raped. Yeah, he gets raped. And then that woman's going to follow him around for the rest of the movie and brandish the knife at him and keep saying that he can have sex with her again now. Yeah, there are two different scenes that will happen. One where he's like playing chess against Jason and he gets replaced by this woman. And another time where he is trying to brush his teeth and she just like comes out of the shower at him. And both times, Ralph does not look remotely interested and you're just like...
Oh, you are constantly being confronted by your sexual abuser for more sexual abuse. This sucks. I'm not pleased with this. No, it's not. And the fact that the movie doesn't have the guts to carry through on any shots means it's always cutting away before you can really tell what happens. Oh, yeah. And in every scene, it cuts away before anything actually happens. Exactly. I'm like, you're not playing this for the like, oh, I want you to be like, oh, shit, this is fucked. And it's also not playing for like, haha, he he says no, but he does want it. And we're playing for laughs. Haha. No. Instead, it's just like, Jesus, you have.
given the implication of sexual assault, multiple times on this character, who is constantly like, please, I just want to leave. And his friend Jason, who is like, why? Just get to know the girls. They're fine. And I just keep imagining Ralph being like, you haven't seen the shit that I have seen. Well, yeah, especially because what happens is Jason immediately manages to shack up with several of the women who happen to be like bored and horny. Yeah. Like that part of the group. And the ones that are left are mean and weird, and they're all focusing all their attention on Ralph all the time. Oh, yeah. So all the like man-hating ones will show up and like one of them will be like, hey.
I'm witchy and any man that I touched has died a horrible death. Yeah. Or one who just keeps looking across the table at him and say things like, I'm going to cut you up. Yeah. I'm going to kill you now. Like that kind of stuff. Now. Very Neil Breenish. Yeah. I will kill you. Just over and over. Everyone else is having a regular dinner conversation. We were talking earlier about how there's that scene where they do dinner and they have every character mouthing stuff because they couldn't actually do a room tone for the room. Yeah.
And that's the scene where everyone's having a normal conversation. We eventually hear that Ralph is explaining, or Jason is explaining worm farming to women. Yeah. But meanwhile, at the same table, some woman just dead, like mad dogs, Ralph the whole time staring at him and just holds a knife and keeps saying things like, I will use this knife to cut you up. I will hurt you with this knife. I will cut you. And no one says anything. It's just nothing. And he just keeps getting there going like, hey, Jason. Hey. Hey, Jason. Hey. He's just tired. He doesn't want to react to it. Yeah. He's just a broken man. Yeah. We also have a thing that, again.
probably trying to be played for laughs is there's all these beautiful women and one fat woman and she took a liking to Ralph. She's not even like, I assume it's in the late 70s. She's like Barb from Stranger Things levels of big. She only looks big by comparison to these various other models they've hired. She's a very normal lady, but of course that's still enough for any hot-blooded 70s man to see her and go, ew, gross. But her only thing is being mildly interested in Ralph and then occasionally...
laughing like a fucking banshee saying bug farmer, because she thinks it's funny that they had a worm farm and then cutting off and going full deadpan. Yes. Yeah. She goes, ah, bug farmer. where she just cuts it and goes right back to a dead, staring-forward expression, which is weird because she does not normally have a dead, staring-forward expression. It's only used in the end of that routine. Most of the time, she's approachable. Like, she's the one who explains shit to them half the time. Yeah, she's, like, the most normal of the ones there. Yeah, like, when they're having a vote about whether or not the guy's gonna be allowed to be members, she's the one who goes down there into the basement they're locked up and is like, hey, they're voting to see whether or not you get to stay members. She doesn't have any reason to tell them that. She just wants to go talk to them. And later, she explains how their crime stuff works to one of them. And it's like...
Okay, so she's normal and she explains things, but in social situations, she'll sit dead, stare straight ahead, laugh about the bug farmer thing, and then shut up again. And it happens enough times that at one point, Ralph just goes, I wish you'd stop doing that. Yeah. And then she does it again later one more time, and that's the end of it. Ugh. Now, the main plot, I guess, if you could call it that of this. Oh, God, yeah, sure, as if. Is that fate was being buried in the desert. Whew, okay, because... You can do it. She stole what they think is platinum. They keep calling it...
They keep saying platinum, yeah. Platinum is the most valuable metal. Yeah, it is not that, but we won't figure that out until the end of the movie. Also, platinum, it never really has been the most valuable metal, as far as I'm aware. Yeah. I mean, it is very valuable. Yeah, but, like, oh, there was a case of platinum. We sent fate to the mafia to negotiate with them, and then she...
They like the cult just knows that like, oh, she did something and then they were like burying her as a message. But it was, oh, she stole the platinum from him and then they buried her. Yeah. But the real thing is she was like triple crossing. It was like, oh, I went to the mafia. I stole the platinum to begin with. It wasn't even theirs to start with. I stole it, gave it to them, stole it again, gave it to the cult. Then.
They think that I was working with the other people and was stealing it for them, so then they buried me. But she's also planning to double-cross the cult and steal the money from the platinum if she ever manages to get her hands on it again. Yeah, she wants to then take the platinum and be like, all right, even though I brought it back to the cult, I want to leave the cult with the platinum and just fuck off with the money. Yes. And platinum, as far as I know, is actually more valuable than gold because it's rarer. Yeah. But it's weird for them to constantly be like, it's the most valuable metal there's ever been. Well, especially once we see where it's supposed to be contained. I'm like, you might have a bar of platinum. Yeah, it's like a tackle box. Yeah.
They have it in a suitcase and inside the suitcase is a tackle box. And inside the tackle box is a glowing light effect because one of the biggest gags of this movie is, and I might as well just spoil it because it's not like there's anything in this movie that needs to be saddled. Oh my goodness, spoiling it. It's not platinum. She misheard at some point. It's plutonium. Yes. However. It's instantly explosive plutonium as well. Oh yeah. Well, they, at one point when they actually end up like explaining like, oh, they were going to use this to make a ridiculous bomb. And you're like, okay, they were trying to make, I guess, a dirty bomb or something. But.
They were like, oh, okay. It explodes. At the end of the movie, it just explodes the second she tries to open it. And you're like, all right, I guess maybe they had a bomb in there using the plutonium. And it wasn't just like I exposed plutonium to air and caused an explosion. And I guess maybe the trigger was if you opened the tackle box, then it set off the detonator that exploded the bomb that was in there. But it was a really small bomb and not like a nuclear bomb or something because like, you know, you're standing right next door when she died. Like, I'm not quite sure what we're doing here. But yeah, it's supposed to be plutonium in there. And obviously our understanding of plutonium is if you ever see it, it will explode you. Yeah. Now, they...
The cult wants to, because I think at this point, the mafia has the quote unquote platinum still. And they're like, we need to go to the mafia and have revenge for fate and also steal the platinum back. and they need the men for this. They're like, oh, you're part of our plan. Even though when they do get to the warehouse that the mafia is in, the guys do fucking literally nothing and did not need to be there. No, they really didn't. In fact, it was worse that they were there because they set off the alarm. Yeah, they're bad at this. And that makes sense because they never really set out to be platinum thieves. No. This is all new to them. They're a pair of chucklehead worm farmers where one of them used to be a teacher and the other one used to be a businessman. Oh, yeah. The thing is, only one of them was even a worm farmer. Jason was the one who was like, oh, he was a worm farmer. And Ralph is like, I was a...
like marketer. So I was the one who was in charge of like selling the shit that we grew at the farm. They also point out that they sell everything they grow for food and briefly talk about how you absolutely can eat worms. Yeah. Which is weird because I'm like, you know, I'm sure you could sell snails obviously for food and their caviar is actually a fairly common food source as well. But worms you sell for fertilizing purposes. You sell the castings they put off as a fertilizer and you sell them by the pound for bait or for fertilizer. You don't eat them. They're full of dirt. Yeah. So it's a it's very clear that they that basically the writer of the movie thought that worm farming and insect farming in general are very funny.
Yes. And that was the only reason they did it. He didn't do any research into it. No, it was just a funny concept. Yeah. And to make sure that everyone else agreed, he had a character who would consistently just laugh and point out that they were bug farmers. Yeah. Fucking wild. Yeah. But they managed to successfully do the heist. They get the suitcase. They fuck off. And importantly for later in the movie, leave a time bomb behind that.
does not go off because apparently it has been set for like days in the future. They fiddle with it at this point. The two guys find it. Apparently the time bomb was left. They mentioned that they were going after the mafia for revenge and to steal back the platinum. And obviously by mafia, we mean two guys who are- Two guys in a warehouse. Two guys in a warehouse in Death Valley. An extremely rural Death Valley. Not even like a mafia. Just out in the middle of nowhere, Death Valley. That's where the mafia- The syndicate. Yeah. So at one point, Jason, or no, it's Ralph, because he's freaked out by the bomb, fiddles with it. I think manages to push it back by a day or something like that. No. Is that not what happened? It's fully just, he finds the bomb and like-
looks at it and then turns to one of the women who comes in and is like, is this real? And she's just like, oh, yeah, it's very easy. You just connect the wires to the thing and then set the time. He's like, all right, wires and time. Got it. And then just leaves it alone and fucks off. Yeah, they just leave. It'll be important later when he gets kidnapped by the mafia. Yeah, there is a point around here. We just go right back and just hanging around the house and the same weird shit keeps happening because they have a party because they're like, oh, we successfully did the heist. Yeah, well, because we're skipping over a bunch of stuff. We skipped over the part where I mentioned earlier that they make Ralph drive them into town in his van. Yeah, they go to a bar and there is a scene where like a random.
dude at the bar tries to hit on one of the women jason gets upset about it and escorts the him and her and the woman that was sitting next to them away from the guy and then ralph walks up to the guy to be like hey it's all been a misunderstanding i'm real sorry literally nothing has happened no words were even exchanged no he was just sitting there smiling at the girl and she was smiling back at him and then jason showed up and was like no my women and walked away again no words exchanged and the first person who says anything in this whole enterprise is uh or ralph walking up being like hey it's all been a misunderstanding and then the guy beats ralph up yep he gets punched a lot thrown into stuff has a bottle broken on his face and it is I will also mention, Ralph gets a lot of shit that happens to him in this, and all of that was stunts that Mike Cartel did himself, including getting hit in the face with a breakaway bottle, running through a glass window, and getting shot in the chest with a shotgun. Yes. He was wearing a bulletproof vest, but it was a 70s bulletproof vest, so he definitely lucked out there. So, yeah.
just a bunch of weird shit seems to happen throughout the court. Like also the comedy bits, whenever he tries to walk into a room to find some place to sleep and there's always Jason in there with one or two other women. And then he'll cut back to him looking through the door and then Jason with the women and then Jason's like, Hey, you got to find a different place to sleep. This place is full up. And then Ralph just kind of sits there and like waits 15 seconds, just looking at like.
Okay. And then closes the door. I'm like, what was that? What was any of that? Yeah. It's like, it's got the structure of a joke, but not the timing. Yeah. That's so much of this. I'm like, yeah, you understand that comedy should be about like the absurd happening, but everyone treats it completely normal and it's not absurd enough to be funny on its own. So it's just kind of like.
Oh, okay. I mean, imagine if the blowjob from the guy in the dog costume scene in The Shining took this long. Yeah. Like if the person was walking down the hallway, I forget which specific person it was who was walking down the hallway in that scene, who sees the blowjob dog. But whoever it is, there's only three of them. I have a 33% chance of being right. Yep. Goes walking down the hallway, sees the blowjob dog, and then it just cuts back to him looking through the door and being like, huh, weird. And then it cuts back to the blowjob dog. You have 10 second pause. And then the businessman getting blown looks up and goes, I'm sorry, I'm using this room so that this man in this dog costume can give me a blowjob. Do you think you go to a different room? And then the man just kind of goes.
Okay. And that's it. That's how much better The Shining would be if it was like that, right? Right. Yeah. Every shot of painting.
But yeah, there's a lot of goofity shit. And it is important to note that Ralph got shot with a shotgun while wearing a bulletproof vest because he will have that vest on. He had it for the heist initially. But then when they all come back and they're all doing the party nonsense, the mafia retaliates and sends a bunch of guys with guns. And Hesperia is like, cool, I'm going to take several of the women and Jason and get into what we continually refer to as a plane.
Which is a helicopter. Yes, which does not work until this one scene in which it does. Yeah, they keep going, well, there's no way that works. It's broken. It doesn't fly. And then they just clown car into this two-person helicopter. Yes, this little tiny helicopter. It's just a two-seater, and they put like eight people in there, and they fly off. Except when it lands, you're like, there's only two people in that, and the guy flying it is clearly a balding man with a mustache. Yes. And then it cuts to the close-up of it, and it's just Hesperia, and then it's like, great.
let's get out yeah and then eight people get out of the helicopter yeah it's crazy i just want to see the moment where they because i keep pointing to an off-screen thing and saying that airplane is broken and i really wanted to be like for example the propeller is pointing up and it really should be pointing forward and it looks like the wings might have fallen off also it's on skis instead of wheels that can't be right yeah this is a fucked up plane this airplane looks very broken that propeller is pointing sideways that's not going to work on an airplane so the few people left at the compound that don't get into the helicopter. You know, have a shootout that you don't really see. Don't be excited about the idea of an actual shootout. This is the point when Ralph runs through a glass window and just fucks around. He hides the suitcase with the platinum in a hall closet. On the top shelf, yeah. On the top shelf where you would, you know, like try and hide some Christmas gifts or some shit. Yeah, it works perfectly. It's just like how they hid the disc thing on deadly ground. Yeah. They just don't check hall closets. It's fine. Exactly. It's movie shorthand.
They're like, oh, I put it in a closet. No one ever checks closet when they're looking for a thing that is supposed to be hidden. Yes. They capture Ralph, bring him back to the original warehouse that they had heisted to begin with. A man from the mafia comes out. Ralph is...
tied with his hands and feet together, and then a rope connecting his hands and feet so he can't go anywhere. Yes. A man comes out, uses a knife, cuts the thing connecting the hands and the feet, and then leaves, which is just happening so that Ralph can get up, go to the time bomb that no one has noticed, even though it is very loudly ticking, and reset the time of when it will go off. Yeah, now notice his feet are still tied together, so his ability to move around is, you'd think he'd be hopping or something, but no, he's walking at a normal range. And then the guy comes out.
again after he has finished resetting the time bomb to then cut his hands and feet free yes i guess he did the first one and then realized that like take a shit or something he's like hold on i got uh i hear my pizza it's ready i gotta go get that out of the oven it's like anytime i come out here to the garage to do some work because this is not an attached garage so i have to walk out from around my house and every time i get out here i'm like okay i'm gonna start organizing books oh shit i gotta pee literally every time i'm like god damn it i gotta go all the way back to the house and lock up again what the fuck yeah that's what it must have been he was like all right well every time i cut these ropes here we go because i gotta pee i'm gonna finish cutting the ropes i can't i gotta pee all right i'll be back yeah don't reset any time bombs They take Ralph into the main office where they meet the main mafia guy who's like, hey, buddy, I'm going to kill you. I'm Joey main mafia guy. No matter what you do, we will kill you. Yes, you're dead for sure. You're dead for sure. But you can tell us where the case is. And I'm like, that's the wrong tactic. If you're like, I want to get information out of someone, I'll start by telling him he has no chance of surviving. You fucked up. But it doesn't matter because, you know, Ralph just looks at the clock and eventually when it gets right before it's going to explode, dives underneath the desk and the explosion is enough to.
kill everyone except for ralph and also the phone still works yeah yeah the phone's fine because he will call the uh the worm farm which is where hesperia took everybody right and fate answers the phone and is like oh hey you're still alive great and she's like oh did you uh do you know where the platinum is he's like oh yeah i i hit it but you know i can i can get it again yeah and she's like great i'm gonna come get you now hesperia at this point has gotten back into the helicopter and fucked off. Yeah, she's left of the film. She's no longer in the movie. Yeah, she has returned to Marin County because she was like, you know what? Running a cult sucks. I'm out. Yeah.
Whereas Fate picks up Ralph and is like, hey, let's go. And then reveals that she was triple crossing everyone. And he's like, oh, that means you must have killed like a lot of people. And she's like, yep. Who cares? I just want money. I don't care about anything else. Yeah, me and Hesperia came out here from Marin County and we thought we would get some money and things didn't go great. But I'm going to get that platinum and I'm just going to have cash and I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you because you have the platinum in your hands right now. And he's like, do you need a partner? We could share the platinum. She's like, no, I'm just going to kill you and take all the platinum. And shoots him as he opens the door. So he falls out into the dirt and then she drives off. Yep.
She goes to the compound, finds the suitcase where Ralph had said it was. Ralph is fine because he was wearing his bulletproof vest under his shirt. Yep. She opens it up. And as we mentioned, it just glows and then immediately explodes. Yep. And she dies. And she's dead. And that's that. And that took out the compound. Yep. And then when Ralph gets back to the farm where everyone is, they're like, well, Hesperia and fate left. Well, Ralph, that means you're in charge and we'll do whatever you say. And I'm like, where the fuck is that coming from? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. I've been being mean to him the whole time. And he's like, great, because here's all I want.
We're going to reset the movie. I want to stand around with a gun in that one desert set we had from earlier. Now we're going to do, you're all going to be workers on the worm farm. And they're like, oh, he was worried. He's like, oh, I assume all the snails and worms are dead at this point. Nope, they're still alive. And bigger than ever. They're huge now. Yeah, they're as big as a baby's hand. Because one of the running themes of this, as far as the movie wants us to believe, but isn't actually the case, is that the plutonium from the platinum briefcase has been radioactiving things. Well, no, it's we, at the very end, when they're doing the reset where they're up on the rocks, they see another two people drop a thing without.
burying it and then when they go check it they're like oh it's nuclear waste yes but the plutonium thing is part of it because during the end credits you get these little vignettes where they show pictures of all the main characters and give you a rundown of what happened to them and the first one the lead-in is all these people were exposed to toxic waste and plutonium and it has caused them to have all kinds of adverse reactions for example jason lost most of his mental faculties and signed up to live with the cult and become a part of them well it's uh all the ladies got increased sex drive yes and jason just fully was sent to be in quarantine with the ladies. It's not even like he lost his mental faculties. They're just like, haha, he gets to live with horny women. Yeah, he has to go live with the horny women and live out the grindhouse fantasy this movie should have been. Meanwhile, Ralph is like, oh, Ralph was exposed and got a rare genetic disorder. You know the rare genetic disorder that turns you into a vampire. Yeah, it gives him gray teeth, super strength, and long fangs. Oh, great skin. Great skin. And then we cut to him and he's got like long, sure enough, he has canines and he has gray skin and he's just bursting out of the straitjacket they have him in because he's in a mental institution. And then we cut to a shot of the vampire woman.
who just nods appreciatively. She just kind of goes, yep, that's how it happened to me. We're vampires now. It's so fucking weird. I was like, you had an entire movie that was basically like...
what you wanted was kind of a funny comedy of like errors with some action and heist thing you're like oh yeah people in the desert and we've got the mafia and a cult okay great how does it end uh there's a vampire now there's a radiation vampire like what why is it movie's over don't ask questions we're done up with this other vampire who gave him a hot foot once like a looney tunes great cartoon hot foot it's so fucking stupid yeah i don't understand why it would end on anyway uh i guess ralph becomes a vampire now you're like what Why? What? Why? I feel like that shot of him in the straitjacket is an easy insert shot. My guess is this movie never actually had an ending. And then he went and added it during that four year editing cycle because he could do it all by himself, especially because the only other response to that shot is a black void shot of the vampire lady looking around. Well, yeah, there's a lot of black void footage of that lady in particular. So I feel like she may have been an insert that happened after the film or one of the very few people who was willing to come back to shoot more stuff. Well, it's I mean, most of the cast in this were people that were in his previous movie that he had made. Sure. And then.
had one of those people be like oh I know like some uh models uh because I used to work at a Jack LaLanne health spa right sure great but yeah so she's willing to come back and do some reshoots which is why there's so many black void shots of her so I'm assuming that's why the vampire ending was done at all they're like well one of the few actors was willing to come back and shoot more stuff was a vampire lady so uh which is weird because I'm like you could have just been like oh we see the nuclear waste thing we've been told that like the snails and worms are super huge now and you're like okay, we get it. It's not a great ending, but it's not a great movie. That's fine. But instead it does that whole like freeze frame text telling you what happens to everyone. So it does feel like this was tacked on because you're like, oh, you didn't actually have an ending. You just went, all right, show a picture of the ladies. Here's the text of what happened to them. Yeah. And all the pictures are from earlier in the film. Yeah. Notably like Jason and all the ladies, especially Hesperia and the group shot are just static shots. There's nothing to them. Only the Ralph shot, which is the creator of the movie is the one where they show a static shot of him and then also cut to him in the insane asylum wrestling with his bonds. Yeah. So he's the only one who actually shot more stuff for this tacked on ending.
Yeah. It's my guess. It's weird. It's very weird. I do not understand. It's not worth digging into because it's not like it's good. Nope. But that, what I know is I fell asleep halfway through the movie and closed my computer on it so that it would stop and it didn't stop. Tubi played the rest of the movie and then four more movies just like it because that's what Tubi is for. Hell yeah. Tubi suggested after this, the movie, it was like, well, you just finished watching Runaway Nightmare. You probably want to watch Gone in 60 Seconds. And I went...
Toobie, what's going on? Didn't do that to me. Toobie, what are you doing? My life is a cannibal teenager kind of stuff. You know, the kind of more grindy stuff like this. Yeah. That's why I was like, hey, Toobie, what's going on? What are you talking about? What's wrong, buddy? Did you accidentally show all the grind movies to Jeff and you want me to watch Nicolas Cage? Yeah. Maybe it just knows you like Nicolas Cage a lot. Maybe it is just like, hey, buddy, I know. I know what you like. You want to watch an early Nicolas Cage movie? Not that early. Not like early, early, but you know. Medium range. You know, it's not pig, but it's not like moonstruck. You know, somewhere between those. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like old times.
So that's Runaway Nightmare. We are going to get into our bests and worsts for the movie. Jeff, what was the best part of Runaway Nightmare for you? God, there's so much nothing in this movie. Oh yeah, almost all of it is just nothing. It's just endless reams of nothing. I mean, what is...
What can I possibly say is interesting? I'm going to say the shots of the vampire lady pretending to be a painting are very weird. And it was kind of, every time that happened, I was like, why are they doing that? And so to me, I was like, that was weird enough that this woman's hobby is to sit in a light box and pretend to be a painting all the time. And that's, that's something that made me go, why? So that, that's my favorite thing. Cause this movie has nothing in it. Great. What was your favorite thing? Oddly enough, along those same lines, the fucking Looney Tunes hot foot. Yeah. Like having her just come out and be like, I will put a match in a man's shoe and then light the end on fire and leave and note.
This hot foot resolution takes minutes of the movie before it actually hits him. And what is the resolution? He kind of goes, ah. He stands up, goes, ah, and then the scene cuts. Yes. You're like, what the fuck? You just set this up constantly cutting back to show. Oh, it is still on fire. Don't worry. We're paying this off. And then as soon as he's like, ah, and stands up, it just cuts scene end. Yeah. What the fuck? Also, you never see a worm or a snail. No. They don't have that money. They don't have like stock footage for worm money. So weirdly, it's just incidental random things that the one lady who insisted on being a vampire in this movie did that make their way into our favorite things about this movie. Now, what was your least favorite thing in the movie?
What's the worst part of Runaway Nightmare for you? It's the rest of it. I don't know. Like, uh, I mean, I'm going to take the, since I know you want to take the sexual assault that occurs throughout it, I'm going to take the fact that they keep saying that airplane is broken about a helicopter and this worm and snail farmer is an insect farmer and it must be so hard to raise insects. And what is it like to raise insects? Oh, it's not so bad. Yeah, it isn't that bad if you don't do it. Yeah. If you raise mollusks, you fucking asshole.
Uh, excellent. So what about you? Go ahead and take the real one. Oh yeah. It's, it's obviously the actual rape that happens in this where I'm like, Hey guys, I just, I'm just gonna throw this out there. It's not funny when a lady does it to a man. No, it's like, it's still rape guys. It's, it is still a man at knife point being forced to have sex. That ain't great. And he's, it's not like, it's not like the whole thing where people are always like, well, if it was a lady teacher and a male student, that's just hot because like, you know, that student probably wants it. Like this guy is even vocally saying, no, I'm not interested in this. He is resisting. I don't wrestling with her trying to get out until someone with a knife shows up and forces him to go through with it. Yeah. Fucked up. Very unpleasant.
Let's go ahead and rate the movie where we are each going to give the film a rating between 0 and 5. Jeff. I got it. I'm going to go ahead and say this movie, it's got sort of a plot, but not enough. I am stronger than I have been in years thinking this is a 0. It's not quite there, but the fact that the movie doesn't seem like the plot matters and it feels like the plot might have been added after the fact or something like that, like there's so much nothing going on in this. I mean, the main plot is there, but it just fucking doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. But no, I'm not going to give it a 0.5. This is too boring to be interesting. It's...
too slow to be on in the background. There's no reason for this to exist. It is technically a movie, but it's not even funny in a bad way. You wouldn't use this for a bad movie night. When John gave me the two movies, I was like, oh, I've never heard of that one. Let's do the one we haven't heard of because what if we get to be the discoverer? You know, every time we find a movie and we're like, oh, a karate Christmas miracle, this is going to be fucking hilarious. And then we find out it made the circuit through the bad movie podcast like six or seven years ago. So I'm like, well, this is another shot of another bite of the apple. There's a reason this movie hasn't become a cult classic favorite thing among movie podcasters. It's boring and sucks. Yeah, because there's nothing to fucking hang a hat on here. There's nothing here that's crazy. It's just bad. Yeah, it's just a poorly made, poorly...
Thought out film. 0.5 for me. And now I pass it to you. Oh, God, I'm teetering on a one. I think I'm going to give it.
Oh, I'm so close to the 0.5, but I might give it the one. I mean, I'm not allowed to stop you. That's your score and you can do whatever you want with it. You're just doing the wrong thing. That's all. Yeah, no, I think I'm going to give it the 0.5. It's fucking bad. It's real fucking bad, guys. There's no redeeming features. There's no reason to watch this. No, there is nothing in here that you're like, this is so crazy. I can laugh at it. This has an interesting thing that's gonzo and didn't work. It doesn't have over the top performances. You're like, this is just incompetence in its most beige form. Yes.
There you have it. I do not recommend Runaway Nightmare. There you go. One out of ten for Runaway Nightmare. It is not great. But I tell you what, we're going to be back in another couple weeks with more Movie Mastery. And if you aren't finished with us torturing ourselves with various media, you can always support the show. If you head on over to Patreon.com slash System Mastery, you can...
you know, support us at any level. It helps the show. It lets us keep doing what we're doing, but all of the levels that you can join at will unlock more and more bonus shows up to $10 a month gets you every single thing we make an extra, just three more shows. Yeah. Tons of stuff, extra stuff out there for you. Well, three baseline shows for weekly things and then a monthly show. And also, uh, it gets you, no matter what you support us at, gives you the ad free versions of the show, which is a super good thing. One convenient RSS feed. Yep. So all that available for you, but if you don't got the money, if you don't.
have the means to support us that way, you can always just rate, review, let people know about us. It helps the show grow, and that's always good for us. Plus, if you don't have any of that, it's fine. Just keep listening. It makes us happy to know that people are listening to the show. I love knowing that people are listening to the show. One of my friends texted me the other day because they were listening to the Dracula 3000 one and was like, I am dying over the phrase, Dracula can't cure wheelchairs, and I need you to know that. And I'm like, you know what? That made my fucking day. Thanks. That's very good to hear.
So thank you so much for joining us. We'll be back in two weeks with another Movie Mastery. And until then, you all have a good one. The history of role-playing games is weird and wild, and we here at System Mastery are determined to look through it all. Every heartbreaker that drove a man to bankruptcy to see his vision of D&D with really specific armor maintenance rules come to fruition. Every game where you get increasingly certain as you read it that this is all just one person's weird fetish. Every system that painstakingly recreates how medieval life was really like. And then also you can cast fireball. The System Mastery podcast wallows in the filth of RPG history. Come join us in the muck at System Mastery.