Moving from Resentment to the Grief Underneath
from The Wired for Well-Being Podcast Hosted by Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein
Get Jeffrey's free 20-minute video, "Why Do I Feel Stuck?" at drjeffreyrutstein.com/links. What do you do when you can see exactly what your resentment is costing you — and still can't put it down? In this episode, Jeffrey and Steve answer a voicemail about resentment. The caller is in her 70s, the oldest of eleven. The younger kids got what she didn't. Fifty years later she still resents them, and she knows what it does to her — it closes her heart. Jeffrey helps us ask what resentment has been protecting us from. Because it is protecting something. Staying angry is cheaper than feeling what sits underneath it, and for most of us that has worked — for years. But a closed heart doesn't only keep other people out. It keeps us out too. This episode is about what opens up when we stop fighting the resentment and get curious about what it's guarding. Not forgiving anyone. Not letting anyone off the hook. Just looking. If you've carried something long enough that it now feels like part of your personality, this conversation is for you. Want tools to help you move from dysregulation toward regulation? Grab Jeffrey's free 20-minute video, "Why Do I Feel Stuck?" at drjeffreyrutstein.com/links. Have a question you'd like answered on the podcast? Call (866) 357-5156 or email [email protected] — we might feature it in a future episode. This podcast is for informational purposes only and isn't a substitute for professional mental or physical health care. If you're struggling, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider.
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What this episode covers
Resentment can last fifty years and still feel justified. Responding to a listener in her 70s who has resented her ten younger siblings since childhood, Jeffrey looks at what resentment protects us from feeling, and why a closed heart shuts us out of ourselves as much as it shuts out everyone else. A conversation about the difference between holding someone responsible and staying angry at them — and how little regulation it takes to start looking underneath.
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