My Adult Child Says I Traumatized Them: What Should I Do?

Send us a messageEpisode 228: My Adult Child Says I Traumatized Them: What Should I Do?When your adult child says you traumatized them, it can feel like a judgment on your entire history as a parent. You may feel confused, defensive, ashamed, angry, or desperate to explain what really happened.But the word trauma does not automatically mean you were an abusive parent or that everything you did was wrong. Your adult child may be trying to describe a painful event, a repeated family pattern, or years of feeling unheard, criticized, emotionally unsafe, or unable to be themselves.In this episode, Tina Gosney explains how to respond when your adult child says they experienced childhood trauma. You will learn how to listen without immediately defending yourself, how to understand the difference between big-T trauma and little-t trauma, and how your own childhood experiences may affect the way you hear your child’s concerns.This episode is for parents who are asking questions such as:“Did I traumatize my child?”“Why does my adult child blame me for their problems?”“What should I say when my adult child criticizes their childhood?”“Can I repair the relationship with my adult child?”“How do I listen without accepting all the blame?”Why you should listenThis conversation can become a turning point in your relationship. How you respond may either reinforce your adult child’s belief that their experience does not matter, or show them that you are willing to understand, grow, and create a healthier relationship moving forward.In this episode, you will learn:Why the word trauma feels so painful to parents and why it can trigger guilt, shame, anger, grief, and defensiveness.The difference between big-T trauma and little-t trauma, including how repeated criticism, emotional tension, conflict, or feeling unheard can affect a child over time.What your adult child may actually mean when they say their childhood was traumatic or that you caused emotional harm.What to say when your adult child brings up childhood trauma, including how to acknowledge their experience without immediately arguing, explaining, or taking responsibility for everything.How to begin repairing the parent-adult child relationship through curiosity, emotional steadiness, changed behavior, and a willingness to listen.You do not have to agree with every detail of your adult child’s story in order to take their pain seriously. You also do not have to erase the love, effort, and sacrifices you gave as a parent.The goal is not to decide whose version of the past is correct. The goal is to understand what your adult child is carrying and decide how you want to show up in the relationship now.When one person in a family becomes more grounded, less defensive, and more emotionally steady, the entire family relationship can begin to change.Listen now to learn how to respond when your adult child says you traumatized them, and how this difficult conversation may become an opportunity for healing and relationship repair.If this episode helps you better understand your adult child, share it with another parent who may need support.Click Here to download the free guide: 5 Steps to Take Before Trying to Repair the Relationship with Your Adult Child Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------If you want support putting what you’re learning into practice, come join The Connection Community in Bridge to Connection. This is the perfect spot where you can learn, connect and get targeted help to start moving your relationship with your adult child in a different direction. Set up a Connection Clarity Call with Tina to see if this is a good fit for you: CLICK HERE TO SET UP A CALL---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.  Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.