My Baby Passed In The Car Because I Blacked Out w/ Carolina Ayala | The Hopeaholics Podcast #348

My Baby Passed In The Car Because I Blacked Out w/ Carolina Ayala | The Hopeaholics Podcast #348 Chad and Natalie sit down with Carolina Ayala, founder of The Happier Life Project, a recovery community organization built to give people the peer support she never had. She was drinking, using, and married by 15, and had watched two of her closest friends get killed before she was old enough to graduate. One night she drank too much, blacked out, drove home, and didn't take her daughter Crystal out of the car seat. Crystal spent three hours in the car and didn't make it. Carolina did nearly four years in prison for child endangerment and used meth for the next two decades because it was the only way she knew to get through what happened.#TheHopeaholics #redemption #recovery #AlcoholAddiction #AddictionRecovery #wedorecover #SobrietyJourney #MyStory #Hope #wedorecover #treatmentcenter #natalieevamarieJoin our patreon to get access to an EXTRA EPISODE every week of ‘Off the Record’, exclusive content, a thriving recovery community, and opportunities to be featured on the podcast. https://patreon.com/TheHopeaholics Go to www.Wolfpak.com today and support our sponsors. Don't forget to use code: HOPEAHOLICSPODCAST for 10% off!Follow the Hopeaholics on our Socials:https://www.instagram.com/thehopeaholics https://linktr.ee/thehopeaholicsBuy Merch: https://thehopeaholics.myshopify.comVisit our Treatment Centers: https://www.hopebythesea.comIf you or a loved one needs help, please call or text 949-615-8588. We have the resources to treat mental health and addiction. Sponsored by the Infiniti Group LLC:https://www.infinitigroupllc.com Timestamps:0:00:00 - Cold open: the night Crystal died0:00:40 - Welcome / What is the Happier Life Project0:03:01 - The gap between treatment centers and what happens after0:05:10 - Treatment, psych wards, jails, prison0:05:51 - Getting pregnant, giving son to CPS0:06:38 - Getting custody, relapsing, returning to smoke meth0:07:02 - Rock bottom in 2021: not wanting to be alive anymore0:07:34 - Losing faith in God, 12-step, everything she held onto0:08:12 - Outside the crisis hospital, too scared to go in0:09:16 - Finding RA International's peer support center in Temecula0:10:55 - The idea for the Happier Life Project0:13:19 - Divorced parents, alcoholic stepdad, being the oldest0:14:41 - Gifted programs and nothing in the adult world making sense0:15:08 - First joint at 12 as a freshman in El Paso0:16:51 - Following friend into gang life0:17:43 - The four runaways: Jasmine shot in the head, Cynthia murdered and burned in the desert0:19:48 - Why she stayed on the street instead of going home0:20:43 - Meeting her husband at 12, marrying at 150:21:13 - Moving to Arizona with a Mormon family to clean up0:23:38 - Husband falls out of car going 55mph0:25:26 - The miscarriage that wasn't: Danielle is alive and 310:26:36 - Leaving her husband and daughter on her first birthday0:28:34 - The guilt cycle: couldn't face going back, so she never did0:30:32 - Daughter goes to a Mormon colony in Mexico0:32:27 - Federal charges at 19, domestic violence, psychiatric holds0:33:40 - Trying to kidnap her daughter and failing0:35:42 - Arrested at eight months pregnant for cocaine trafficking0:35:58 - Crystal born, alcoholic mother-in-law tried to sell her0:38:09 - Crystal's Death0:39:46 - Prison for child endangerment0:40:25 - Blood alcohol, no drugs found, what the DA had threatened0:41:08 - Planning to jump off the 15 freeway / bail raised to $250K0:42:59 - Not qualifying for the substance abuse program because the charge wasn't drug-related0:43:47 - No contact with anyone under 18, including siblings and daughter0:45:06 - Two beers, blowing a .080:45:40 - Back in on violation / introduced to meth in prison0:46:04 - What meth did that nothing else could0:47:36 - First time in treatment0:49:08 - Guilt, shame, and unaddressed grief 0:49:37 - $20 worth of meth, sentenced to five years in state prison0:51:11 - Cooper Fellowship: three years sober, the longest stretch yet0:52:01 - CBT: the first thing that actually made sense to her0:53:23 - The pre-cycle nobody ever addressed0:55:37 - This time in recovery is different0:57:34 - Almost not coming back to the rooms after the last relapse0:58:00 - What actually matters today: the daily work, not the time1:05:32 - Crystal's birthday, deciding to honor her for the first time1:06:01 - Psychic medium speaks with Crystal1:09:26 - Chad and Natalie / walking through pain vs. sitting in it1:15:41 - The Happier Life Project: where to donate, how to find them