My Biggest Regrets with My Teens

MY THOUGHT PATH TO REGRETS Yes, this is about my regrets. But first, I wanted to share the twisty road I took to get them. I have this weird date thing that I do – somehow, my mind is a steel trap when it comes to remembering specifics when it comes to events. Like, the month, day, and year of my very first date, and the first time I met my husband and when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest. Added to that, my mind figures out relational math – as in, Philip and I are older than my parents were when we got married now. Or, when my Granny was the age I am now, I was 7 years old. MY QUIRKY TIME THING For whatever reason, I have a quirkiness when it comes to time. So it's no surprise to anyone in my family that I looked up how many days we have left with my son before we drop him off at his dorm. With all the COVID factors, we don't have an exact move-in date yet, but if I'm going by the first day of classes, we have less than 70 days left with him. And in case you're wondering how my brain works, that line of thinking led me to reflect on all the years we've had with him. Which led to a lot of thoughts that began with, "I wish I had . . ." And THAT led me to think about the "I wish I hads . . ." from my teaching days. Which led to this podcast episode.   WHAT I WISH I'D DONE DIFFERENTLY Today, I'm talking about some of the things I wish I'd done differently with my teens – not just my own two, but the ones I had in my classroom. This wasn't an easy episode to prep for – I've made no secret of the fact that one of my biggest challenges is my pride. But I've also made a commitment to being real and authentic with y'all, so here goes. My biggest regrets are: Holding onto control too tightly. Not understanding what's developmentally appropriate in teens sooner. Playing the victim. Not following through on things. Not having better mind-body awareness or taking better care of myself physically and emotionally. So there you have it – my 5 biggest regrets with my teens. THIS WAS HARD In this week's email, I share a little more about this list, and what it meant to me as I wrote it. For now, what I'll share is that it was hard. And it also reminded me that I need to stay in my Ish Girl space – that place where I have grace for myself when I've messed up or flaked out. Again. If you've been with me awhile, you may notice that I dropped the word "humorous" from that little catchphrase – normally I say "have humorous grace with myself." That's easier to do when the only one affected by my mistakes is ME. When it impacts the people I love, it's a much harder task to accomplish, this having compassion with myself. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE AND WE ALL HAVE REGRETS I'm sharing this because I have a feeling you've all been there. Whether a teacher or a parent, you are first a human. And we mess up. The thing is when we model what it looks like to have grace with ourselves, and we work to reconcile and reconnect with our teens, it's powerful. Because it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. You're going to mess up. Your teen is going to mess up. You too will be able to pinpoint regrets. In the bigger picture, it's not about being perfect or right or above reproach. It's about relationships. It's about making things right when you've caused harm, and leaning in, past your regrets, to reconcile and reconnect.