One of my favorite persons in my life was my father. Me and him, I think we had this perfect father-daughter bond since I was very young. He was that sure that my mother was expecting her girl and they didn't try to figure out the sex of the baby until I was born and he was so sure it would be a girl that my mother said to me now when I grew up like if I Turned out to be a boy. He would like stick me inside again and yeah I pulled me back out as a girl because he would not have believed that it would be a boy because he was so sure it would be a girl and He was in charge of naming me also and the first person I ever got from him was a silver heart Necklace, I still have that necklace.
It's so tiny. It fits me, but it's so tight I haven't changed anything on it because it's like a memorial for me to have this Wonderful memory. It's my first gift from him. He allowed fishing.
He was always out with his boat. He had many boats in my childhood, but the boat the fisher boats he had it was bigger and more beautiful and I used to go out with him and lay on top of the engine room because it was like a hatch there where you can lay on the the roof of the engine room and I used to have my back down to this and I would feel the notion of the engine and I will just look up into the sky and Especially wonderful if we draw under bridges and I could see under the bridge specifically one bridge we Draw under and I just love that bridge until this day when I pass it. I just smile because that bridge for me is my dad He also was a very good carpenter To build houses and homes to fix things give him a hammer and some nails or a saw He will he would he would he would fix everything He was one of those guys if he wanted something done he would ask him he had projects of his own but All his friends and family always ask him like how do we do this? How can we build this?
Can you come and help us? Can we do this like that? Can we yeah, and he painted the houses. He fixed everything.
He ordered the materials. He needed He was so clever with it, but he had problems big problems problems that affected him much more than a girl should know Sorry, and I know this now. I don't think I realized it back then how bad things were but now I know but He was my father, and I really connected with him with him in some level But we were so much alike that I haven't felt like that with anyone like I thought with my father he was the one who would take my My head and I would get so angry with him and he was the one I would fight the most with and he was the one I would scream with and shout out and Slam the doors and they're in his face and he was stayed on that my mother She worked and he was a state on that most of the time So he was the person there when I came home from school He was the one who cooked in her and was waiting for my mother when she got home from work And he was there for so many things while my mother was working because she liked to do it and my father He wasn't well, and he couldn't do all the things that he wanted to do so Even though he was fishing or he was building places and houses and things like this I remember him as a state on dad because he didn't have like a full-time job somewhere where they paid him to do something, you know, he was a wonderful man and he made some major mistakes in his life and some other things that Happened in my life was things he needed to take responsibility for and he didn't he refused to believe me he refused to take my word for it and We had so much unfinished business There were so many conversations we never had I was too young and too damaged at the time to have the discussions We needed to have it and when he got sick, I didn't speak with him I couldn't ask him why things were the way they were I couldn't ask him why he had not defended me or believed me or trusted me I couldn't ask many of those things because all I felt was that okay, he's leaving he will be dead And I was right from the moment the doctors told him he had cancer. I just had a gut feeling he will die and People who know me know I'm an optimist, but the problem with this optimist is that I'm also a very big realist and I also have a very strong gut feeling and my gut feeling is usually So right.
I wish it wasn't that right, but it can be tremendously right. I see a person and nine out of ten times I know how that person is or I will be spot on when it comes to his character or her personality or the way he acts or whatever My father and I we had so many fights and I have so much memories that I don't even remember But he was my father He died before I was 20 before he was 50 He didn't see me graduate. He didn't see me get a driver's license license. He didn't see me move out I have done so much after he died.
Thanks. He Didn't get to sit in a way. I think he sees it. I can still hear his voice Especially when I'm doing certain things that he was good at Like making a fire or hanging something on a wall or doing something fixing something I can hear him and I can feel him also, but it's not the same because he's gone and I don't know where this time go.
It's ridiculous. It's truly ridiculous In 2021 it will be 20 years since he died and that means half my life. I've been without him it's Ridiculous There's so much he lost And also He died too young. I mean when you die when you're 49, what have you really finished?
You've started so many things, but most people they don't finish at 49 They maybe they peaked at 49, but they didn't finish Yeah, there are so many other things I could tell you about my relationship with my father But for now, this is just a glimpse of what I remember from him And all the feelings I have were this wonderful crazy man We saw much like me or who was so much like me