Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. I'm in a situation where my husband is threatening to remove me from all the accounts, the credit cards, and threaten to leave me with zero. He's been pretty verbally, emotionally and financially abusive and then last night crossed over into physical abuse and he was arrested.
But I'm wondering. My question is how to protect myself. He's a finance guy and he's really interested in laughing his way of knowledge against my ignorance and taking full advantage and putting me in a place of. When he says I'll need to go prostitute myself in order to have money, which is terribly successful.
I'm just wondering what to do from here. Oh, my gosh. Okay. So are you safe right now?
I am safe right now. He just walked in from jail, so I'm sitting in my car. But he's the full bread winner right now. Our kids are now in college.
I'm going to be heading back to work. But right now he's a full bread winner. Okay. And you'll be logging up.
I'm assuming that my divorce is happening. I. I know it sounds terribly foolish, but I don't. I told him I don't want a broken home.
I don't want broken hearts. I don't want a separate house, living belongings. I don't want to miss any time with my kids. But, Jackie, he has opted out of this marriage in every way, shape and form.
You're not. Yeah. This is. This is not a marriage anymore.
Correct? Correct. Agreed. Okay.
And your kids are. They are in college and their mom is going to make a really brave, hard decision, but she's going to make a decision that's best for her. I mean, Jackie, this is horrible. It's terrible.
Yeah. If you lose love, respect, communication, trust, you don't have a marriage. Safety. Safety, Jack.
Provision and protection. I don't even know. He just walked in from jail into the house that you both still live in. Literally, when you guys picked up to take my call, he walked in and I had to run outside.
Can you drive away? But I wouldn't be in the same vicinity as this guy. I would go to a friend's house with family member. Do you have good friends and family around?
No. No. That's another thing. I think he's shook it out because I've never taken action before.
But when he shoved me last night into a door, that was the time, the first time that he took it to civil. And I can't live with myself. If I knew, if my Kids were in that situation. I had to do it.
I could not live with myself. There's one thing I know about users, they don't have a change of heart. They're just gonna continue it if you let it happen. And so the fact that you're still there really scares me right now.
Well, I had. It was my choice to say he can come out and work because he's the only one with a job. So he's under. You know, he had rules to not harass and things like that, though.
Well, the rules don't matter if he controls all the purse strings and you get zero dollars. Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. That's what I'm worried about. Is your name on the accounts?
My name is on the accounts for the credit card unauthorized user. But he's the full. Your checking accounts where his income comes in. Are you on that account?
It's joint. Correct. Perfect. Okay.
If I were in your shoes, Jackie, I would take. I would be in that car and when you have the phone with us, I would drive to the bank and I would create a new checking account and I would take half of the money that is in that twin checking account and I put it over to your. To your own checking account that he has zero access to. And I would have.
I would have amount of money and then I would drive to a hotel and I would get a room for the night. And until, you know, I can get with friends and family, I mean, I. I don't see how it's never gonna go back to normal. And so what you've been living in, it's sadly, I feel like, is what we hear from a lot of victims of domestic violence is that you become almost used to it.
And when you're sitting here telling us two strangers, I mean, George and I, our mouths were just dropped open because of just the insane situation that you're in. And I don't feel like you. I don't think you see it. And you deserve better than this, Jackie.
Oh, I know that. I just don't want to break my kids hearts. Staying with a dangerous man is breaking their hearts and they don't know any of it. So.
Yeah. Jackie, would you want this for your daughter? What would you tell your daughter right now? Never.
Okay, that was my question. Okay, so, Jackie, answer your own question. I think they're sharper than you think. I think they're catching a lot of what's going on and they're taking a lot of cues.
And right now you have an opportunity to show them the kind of person you are. And we do not promote divorce. That is something that. I mean, it has to be to a point where there is a no return.
And everything you've just said in this call, is that for me? 100%. 100%. Would it be okay if your daughter was saying that a relationship is abusive?
Would you tell her to. That's why we're saying yes. Yes. So you wouldn't do that.
You don't want this for your daughter. I don't. You. I don't want you to want this for yourself.
But you're right. The financials, this is where we always say that we always are about combining finances. The red flag goes up with a couple of different things. If there's abuse, which.
Check that off for your list. You know, if there's. If there's addiction, that's not being addressed. There's things that you need to protect yourself.
You need a separate account. Financial infidelity. You can control his spending. What if he racks up a bunch of debt and your name is tied to that credit card?
Well, this is my second question. Last year, because his mother sent him thousands of dollars that he can gamble and buy, you know, alcohol, drugs and all that. And he plays with that money and I can't access that, he could easily move the money. I need to create your own phone.
Get off the phone with us. And you need to drive to the bank. Remove your name from any account that you're on as tied to him. Freeze all your credit with all three credit bureaus.
You can call them up and M. Fraser, go online and do it. And then create your own checking and savings accounts that you have full control over. Okay.
And I would honestly. I'll pack up my stuff and I would not be back in the house. And I'll be contacting the attorney for next steps. That's another thing.
I don't even know where it begins. And he thinks it's the funniest thing, that he's just gonna. He's just gonna ruin me. And he thinks it's funny because he's in finance.
And I think it's funny because he's an absolute. And he knows that. And he knows you're gonna come back and you're gonna say, well, I don't want a broken home. He knows that he's holding all the cards.
And so you need to show him that you mean business. Like he did yesterday when he went to jail for the night. Right. And I think when he realizes, oh, she's not coming back.
Oh, she created her own accounts. Oh, she took half the money. This is more serious than I thought. I don't think he's gonna be laughing then when the courts demand that he pay alimony or child support, whatever it may be.
Yeah, yeah. There's laws that protect you here. Yes, absolutely. And you're not bad.
And especially because there's a police report that's been filed. I mean, you have a lot of weight right now for you to use in your favor, Jackie. And we implore you to do that. I mean, for your own safety.
Jackie, please. I have a restraining order against this guy, let alone let him walk back into my house. It's a manipulator, an abuser. It's every red flag you can imagine, Jackie.
And so just hear that from two strangers that this is. It's so clear to us. And my fear is that it's not clear to you. If you can, wherever you are, Jackie, local church, get a community around you who's willing to support you.
You need people in your corner right now. I'm so sorry. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.