My Toddler Thinks He’s in the UFC (And I’m Losing)

This week I accidentally left my wife and toddler trapped in the garden… thanks to a yoyo, a locked door, and a neighbour aggressively jet washing at the worst possible time.What followed was a full-blown domestic hostage-style situation… while I sat inside in complete peace, completely unaware, drinking tea like nothing was happening.Also… I think my three-year-old has started training for the UFC.He wakes up choosing violence, throws hands over yoghurt, and has zero respect for personal space.So yeah this episode is basically:parenting chaos, accidental neglect, and learning how to survive a tiny human who fights like it’s a title match.If you’re also raising a toddler who acts like a lightweight contender… you’re not alone.