My Wedding Planning Disaster

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No. No. No. No.

Come on. This is not happening. Turn out the water. Where's the shut off?

The pipe. There. There. Gosh, it's everywhere.

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It is your founding father. Back at it again for another episode of Call Her Daddy. If you are driving down the freeway, cruising to work, cruising to go fuck your ex-boyfriend. Pause because you should probably watch this episode.

So after you fuck him, then go home and debrief with me. I am currently in a bathtub. That's why you need to watch this. I'm in a bathtub with a veil on my head, drinking wine at 9 a.m.

Why am I drinking wine at 9 a.m. You may ask. I get all the time. What are you talking about, don't you?

No, I'm actually freaking out. Clearly, I look like I'm having a mental fucking breakdown. I'm trying to plan my wedding. The last you guys heard from me.

I got engaged. It was beautiful. Mac got me the ring. I was thriving.

And then right after we got engaged, everyone started asking the dreaded motherfucking question. Alex, when are you getting married? Fuck off. I don't know.

So now I'm having to plan my fucking wedding. I never dreamt of it growing up. I don't know what I want to look like, where I want it to be, what's happening. So to try to really illustrate the state of my wedding planning, let me walk you through all the possibilities of countries and states and locations and everything that I have debated, having my wedding in throughout this godforsaken motherfucking process.

Hence why I said get some wine or take some fucking drugs, because this is a wild motherfucking ride. Don't do drugs, but you know what I'm saying. Okay, let me start you off with a great, great, beautiful place. This is the first location that Matt and I were like, this is where we're getting married, Utah.

Why the fuck would we get married in Utah? I grew up going skiing in Utah. Then when Matt and I met, we would always go skiing and snowboarding. And we would go there every Christmas sense.

We go to Utah and it's a really special place, because number one, I love fucking Christmas. Okay, Christmas album probably coming soon. And number two, I just love skiing, and I love what it does to my brain, and I love being in the cold and the winter is just great. So Matt and I had a personal connection to Utah.

And so we hired these wedding planners, and we told them Utah is one of our places. So our first meeting, we get on with them, it's like look at Utah locations. It's like nine in the morning, and as they're talking about Utah for like 30 seconds, I say, oh my god, pause. Absolutely pause, we can't get married in Utah.

And everyone's like, oh my god, starting fucking strong this bitch. We can't get married in Utah, because I want to take fucking shots at my wedding. I want to pour alcohol down that throat. I want to raid at my wedding.

And if you don't know this in Utah, there are drinking was, okay? You can't like take shots and like they put only a certain amount of alcohol in your cup and like they basically do everything to prevent you from being able to get fucking hammered, or even a buzz. I remember last time I was in Utah, I had five fucking martinis. My dad was too next to being like, sweetie, do you want to talk about something?

What's wrong? Like dad, I couldn't be more sober. You want me to drive home tonight? Like I am so stone cold sober.

You can't get drunk in Utah. So we can't get married in Utah. The woman was like, is that the only reason you don't get married in Utah? I'm like, yeah, like imagine not being able to get a little fucking buzz at your wedding.

I'm going to like be nervous. Like I need something to get me through the night. And also I want to have fun. So naturally, I still liked the idea though of a winter location, Daddy Gang.

Something about Big Al, near the slopes, the snow's falling, Henry's in a coat, Bruce is in a tux. Like it's just giving, it's giving vibes. So then I'm like, okay, where else is a good location? Aspen, okay?

Similar vibes to Aspen, right? Utah, Aspen, similar vibes. A little bougie for my liking. But then I realized, why am I picking a winter location?

Let's be real. I love being in the snow with 15 fucking layers on. The thought of me being at my wedding, freezing cold. And the last thing I want my wedding to have is like, well, you'll get married here if weather permits.

Can you fucking imagine weather permits? My fucking look, I would have the biggest blizzard in 100 fucking years. Half the wedding party would be stuck in Pennsylvania. And half the wedding party would just be stuck in a fucking blizzard.

The cold, love yet. Let's keep it for Christmas, for snowing, for cocoa, for Santa. Also, this is very, very miniscule, but I have to be honest. I've been doing Pilates, you guys know me.

I'm never hitting the gym. I've been hitting Pilates and I've told my Pilates instructor, we have one goal. You can't see my ass in a wedding dress. You can't see these legs in a wedding dress, but you goddamn gonna see these mother fucking arms in that wedding dress.

So I've been putting in work. You can't see the muscle now, but it will fucking be there by the time I get married. And I will fucking, over my dead body, cover these fucking arms with a long sleeve with snow. No, thank you.

I want to show these babies off. If I'm going to the fucking gym for them, you will be seeing the curvature that will soon enter this limb. So where does that bring us? I want to show off my little fucking arms.

Hawaii. Utah, Aspen, Utah. Now to Hawaii, let's go. I go to the complete opposite.

Okay, Daddy, gang, just bear with me here because we got a long ways to go. I say to Matt, Matt, where is warm Hawaii? Where do we love that tropical Hawaii? Matt and I have been together to Hawaii.

It's been fabulous vibes every time we've gone. It's just your blood pressure drops when you get to the airport. You love the smell. You love the people.

It's amazing. The issue for Hawaii, because we got to keep going. What's the issue Alex? We're moving on.

The issue for Hawaii is all of the beaches are public. I talked to my brother because he went to a Hawaiian wedding and he was one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever been to. However, there were so many random people in the photos and posting up watching the wedding. I don't need Uncle Marty on his retirement trip in the background snorkeling belly-up holding a fucking Pina Colada in my shot.

Matt and Eric kissing and it's like, oh, there's that guy belly-up, like nice little frosted tips, having a bit like crisis in the fucking ocean. It's just not what I want. So I realize I really don't want to be somewhere that like publicly people can consume our wedding. Because let me be honest with you, we've all done it.

Are you kidding me? I've been at the resort. I have been like, you know what? Oh my God, we're walking by.

I've got my Pina Colada and I see two young folk or two old folk or whoever the fuck they are and they're getting married on a beach. You bet your fucking bottom dollar that my ass is popping a squat on that lawn chair. And I'm going to watch the wedding as the sunset goes down as just my little cocktail hour, as just a little anecdote and added to my amazing nice sunset view. So I didn't even want to potentially have a big wedding or having a wedding at all.

I thought maybe courthouse is a vibe. So I would rather die than fucking be standing there. And people are just on looking, staring at me and Matt getting married. It's not happening.

It's not going to work. So a public beach, it's for me to watch other people's weddings, not you to watch my wedding. So Hawaii, I love you. I'll be back for a nice little road.

Who knows, maybe we'll do our fucking honeymoon there. And I think on top of all of this, when you think about Hawaii right now, God bless every fucking family that has been affected by what is happening in Maui and all across Hawaii. It is fucking devastating. They don't need annoying fucking people like me going to Hawaii.

I'm like, I want to get married here like this little fucking annoying bitch. Let's fucking donate proceeds to Hawaii and make sure they're good before we trounse in our white dresses being bridezillas. OK, that's a huge other factor. So next, where do we go from Hawaii?

Where do we go? You would think, oh my god, we're going to go to another tropical. Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Baby, we're going to Tennessee. You're probably like, Alex, you know, we're usually on the same page. How do we get here? You know what I mean?

How do we get from Utah, Aspen, Hawaii, Tennessee? Let me explain it to you. The other day, Matt and I are at the gorgeous Soho House brunch, airing out all of our grievances to our friends that have already been married. They're a great couple.

We love them. Matt is literally the godfather to their children. We are just comfy cozy, just talking to ourselves about our wedding. And they tell us that they recently went to one of the most beautiful places ever.

They said it was our friend's birthday. And we went to this place called Blackberry Farms. All the food is grown on the property. It's amazing.

There is archery. There's horseback riding. There's apple picking. There's canoeing.

And everyone gets their own cabin. It is the most bougie yet rustic place they've ever been. Okay? And I am like Blackberry, motherfucking farms.

Here we come. Mattie, let's get on a horse and get it up. So for almost a week, Matt and I were sitting there being like, we are fully getting married in Tennessee. And I know also what you're thinking because I thought it too.

Matt's from fucking LA and I'm from the East Coast. Okay? We're coast babies. I personally never really imagined myself getting married in the South.

But in that moment, it was human right. Okay? I was like, I guess I'm getting married in 10 and motherfucking sea. Maybe I'll wear cowboy boots underneath my dress.

Okay? And then this to get real for a second because I know you probably can't take me serious with my veil and my wine at 9 a.m. and my bathtub. I think I started to realize over that week that we had kind of set on Blackberry farm.

What I realized is this location as gorgeous and magical as it is for me and Matt and our personalities, this location would have been fun for our guests to have all of these grand, perfect activities. But I don't want to do shit on my wedding day other than drink. Hence the issue. And be with Matt.

I don't want to get on a horse. I don't want to do archery. I don't want to apple pick. I don't want to fucking see an apple on my wedding day.

I want tequila vodka, a cake, and some deck. Okay? So I realized we have to keep realigning ourselves. This isn't about anyone else, but me and my partner.

And it's really fucking hard. And I realized I've talked to a lot of my friends. This is one of the most relatable things that we've all realized we're going through. It's like, you don't need to prioritize anyone else on your wedding day.

And Tennessee was catering towards everyone else, making sure they had all of these things to do. They could get on a fucking horse and gallop into the sunset. I don't want to do that on my wedding day. I don't want Matt going and fucking golfing on our wedding day.

So where do we go from Tennessee? Because, you know, you must think it's just full stop there. Just get married in your fucking backyard. You cunt.

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. We're going to ramp it up. Notice how I was like countries?

The next location from Tennessee, you may ask. I went down the wrong pipe. England, obviously. England, London.

We're going to fucking London, baby. When we thought of London, we said we can hit two. What the fuck is this thing? Two birds with one stone.

Absolutely. Two stones, one bird. Nope. Two birds, one stone.

We said we want it to be somewhere that matters to us. And also we don't want to cater to our guests. And all of our friends are like, fuck you, what? London is far away.

So we could weed out the fluff. Hey, we're hoping no one shows up. And also Matt and I truly fell in love in London. Whenever we talk to friends or family and they ask us about meeting and our love story, London is truly like at the core of that.

So I did a lot of episodes from there. If you guys are new here during the pandemic, Matt and I basically lived in a hotel room in London. Okay. And when I say a hotel room in London, we were on top of each other with Henry in the middle of the global pandemic.

And because Matt had been making a move there. And then everything got shut down. We were stuck in London together. And this was one of those moments I could make a break.

You know what I mean? Maybe like a make or break. Because I could either fucking hate him or I would have fallen in love. And obviously you know which way that went.

And so it really seems like such a magical place, London to us. But then, then I realized, because again, guys, this isn't, this is no happy ending. I realize eh, maybe not. You know what I mean?

Maybe not. Maybe we shouldn't get married to London. Matt and I do a lot of business and work in London. So it is a place that we do frequent a lot.

And when I think of work, as much as I think of our love story, I think about Matt making movies, to be honest. He makes so many movies in London. And it is like his main hub of where he makes movies. So I don't really want to go and think about work.

I don't want to think about like, ooh, what's your next movie babe? Because Matt and I are workaholics. And I'm like, we don't need to be anywhere that reminds us of making a movie or making a podcast. Well, I'll probably fucking podcast.

I literally said to Matt, I'm like, watch. Everyone's doing vowels. Everyone, me and Matt. And I slowly at my turn pick up my microphone out of nowhere.

And I was like, Alex, this is not about the podcast. Everything's about the podcast. Then again, I will find a way. I'm gonna do something at my wedding for you.

No. But I didn't want to feel like we were getting married between shots of this fucking movie or between shots of my podcast. I wanted something, a little more vacation vibe. Before I go to vacation vibe, I quickly said, what about Paris?

It is just, we're not well. We are so fucking unwell. It is just, we're cruising. Okay, welcome to be more romantic than Paris.

But a European wedding does sound nice. Okay, that lasted literally less than 30 minutes. Paris was so fucking short lived. Came and went over the course of a dinner.

Do I have a water mustache? Absolutely. Okay, so now to the final. You ready?

Tropical. We are currently choosing a tropical location. And when I look you in the eyes right now, because I'm really making high contact here, when I say this, just know I could be lying and this could change in the next 30 when Matt gets home. Well, actually, this whole thing could change when he comes home and finds me.

And about that he's like, babe, we need to ramp up therapy twice. What's wrong with you? No, but we decided on tropical so far. And now we've been on tropical for the past three weeks.

We have a few tropical contenders, and it's stressful because I want to go fucking see these places. I don't want to just look up on Google or have our wedding planners show us some photos and be like, go get married in this amazing tropical location. I'm like, but where are we actually standing? What is it going to look like?

And I'm having a hard time. So Matt and I currently have a list of like 16 fucking tropical places. We're going to try to whittle it down to two places and then go visit the two or three in like a little weekend trip, okay? We also decided wherever tropical we choose, which I think maybe like is kind of a good idea for us.

When we choose our location, I said to Matt, Matt, you are a producer for a living. I'm an entertainer for a living. We have a really hard time if our friends are all together. You don't even have to be a producer or entertainer.

There's so many people that like loved entertain. We have a really hard time relaxing. And so I'm like, Matt, we need to find a way to relax. So Matt and I decided wherever we choose, tropical, we are going to go three to four days ahead of the wedding, okay?

Or even three to four days before everyone arrives. So that way we have four days alone, okay? It's four days of alone time to get in full vacation mode. And by the time that everyone comes, we're so excited to see people.

Like I don't want to get there and feel stressed that I'm not getting time with my soon-to-be husband. And I'm literally like saying hi to everyone. I can barely have time with Matt. That's my fucking nightmare.

And I said to Matt the minute that that starts to become our reality. Baby, we're going down to the courthouse. I refuse. It's so important for me that Matt and I actually have to stay to ourselves.

And I think that's a huge thing that I hear from people on their weddings. They're like, I wasn't even present. I didn't even, I don't even remember if I got to speak to my partner that night. Like it was all a blur.

I am like, I'm taking all of your advice. And I refuse to not be present with my partner. I would rather every fucking person at our wedding have the worst goddamn time. And Matt and I fucking thrive.

So in conclusion, I don't have a location yet. We do always have my parents backyard in Newtown, Pennsylvania in the coldest act. But honestly, I'm at the place where I'm like, Matt, we're going to pick these like two or three locations. Let's fucking pick out of a hat unless we fall in love with them.

And obviously, if we're just torn, hat, put a treat down, have Henry run to one, two, or three. Like, I don't fucking know. I'm realizing it's just more important that we are present together. No, it's not about the location.

It's not about the pictures or whatever. But I do know what I want to feel like on my wedding day. That's all I know. Okay.

At the beginning of planning, Matt and I promised each other, like I said, we need to feel present and connected on this day. We should feel like the guests of honor at our wedding, not the hosts. And I know that's going to be difficult for us. We should feel actually relaxing and enjoying ourselves.

And if people have a good time, they're going to have a good time. It's not about them. It's about Matt and I. And then I think the other side of this, and I am embarrassed to say this, but I started really finding myself, like, thinking of these places and what they would look like in pictures.

I was wedding, planning through the lens of Instagram and magazine coverage of my wedding. Like, you think about it. I'm like, whether a rustic cottage in Tennessee would look amazing with this backdrop. Like, even I'm finding things that weren't even personal to me.

I'm looking for a good photo op. Like, I realize I need to fucking practice what I preach. Stop making decisions based on what other people are going to see and the photo. Make the decision of what is going to make you happy.

I'm not going to let myself make a decision that's going to be dependent upon visually appealing to someone else's gaze. Everyone else wants a cool wedding. Everyone thinks a wedding is cool in a certain different way. Like, everyone's standards are so fucking different.

What I will say is, I know I look a little disheveled right now. Matt and I are having fun with it. I'm stressed about the location because I'm excited. I'm like, I never knew what I wanted to do for my wedding.

Like I said, I have no fucking clue what we're doing. It is fun to do together. And we sit at night and we have our wine over dinner. And we're picturing what we want to do.

So I would just also say, I understand that sometimes you've got to listen to some people, whether they're helping pay for it or you have a very strict like mom or dad or whoever the fuck, try to get Zen and actually fucking enjoy this. Because contrary to what everyone writes on the internet and I don't know if this is going to get backlash from me, I don't think this should be the best day of your life. I don't. I think your marriage should be incredible and you should be looking forward to life.

But that day, you're putting too much pressure on it. So I'm going to get out of this tub because this tub is 100 degrees. And I'm hoping that this camera is not showing the fact that I am drenched and it's not from water. This is, I am sweating my fucking clit off right now.

And my pruny ass fingers are literally curling in to the point where I can't even pick up my wine glass because it's sliding the fuck over. So cheers, Daddy, gang. We're going to take a little shower. We're going to get ourselves presentable and we're going to head down to the living room.

So I can actually think straight because okay, I'm dry. I'm back from my bath and I'm feeling refreshed. I took a shower. I blew dry my hair and put on some fucking makeup because I was feeling like a wet dog.

Um, I had you guys write in some questions about Alex, you know, what's your wedding going to be like? Because I know I just told you guys all about like my mental breakdown of how I'm fully not able to choose a location. But there's a lot of other details that come with a wedding, right? And so I had you guys DM me any question that you want to know.

I'm going to be honest and say, I don't know if I'm going to be able to answer all of them, but I'm going to do my best for you today, Daddy, gang. And honestly, I just realized as I'm saying this, hopefully by me talking through these questions, I get some fucking clarity for myself and I'm able to go back to Matt and be like, babe, I just figured out our whole wedding today because of color daddy's episode. So here we go. What are some absolutes you immediately knew you wanted or you did not want for your wedding?

Okay, things I knew I wanted was I wanted it to be so fucking small. I the minute we started planning, I didn't have a list. I don't have a Pinterest board. I didn't have anything but the first thing I was like, I wanted to be so fucking small.

And by so fucking small, like maybe it's just Matt and I would be okay with that. That's how small I want it. And then things I knew I didn't want. I did not want to invite a single person to my wedding that if I got trapped in a corner with them, having a long conversation, I want to be comfortable with that person.

Like I don't want to invite anyone to my wedding that I'm not that comfortable with that. Like I would be like, how the fuck did I get stuck by the charcuterie board? And like, I literally don't want to talk to this man. Like I would rather die than be at my own wedding.

I'm not doing that. So everyone has to be super close to us. I think the main point is, I really want to have a curated group of people that I'm super close with. And this isn't about appeasing other people.

This is about a day about Matt and I and celebrating our relationships. So people that are close to us should be there and people that are not, you know, stay home, watch Netflix, hang out with your fucking kids. Don't come to my wedding. Okay, are you sleeping in a separate bedroom the night before the wedding?

Or are you and Matt going to sleep together? I am absolutely fucking him the night before our wedding. Are you fucking kidding me? Like it's not even a question.

I also can think about that sex before your fucking wedding. I feel like that's going to be really fucking good sex. Because you're like, we know what's coming tomorrow. Like that's kind of fun.

The other issue I will say as I'm staring down at my spray tan hands is like, it could just be one issue is like, he cannot come on my back or like anywhere on my spray tan the night before because that will completely ruin my wedding day. If I like come marks that rubbed off my spray tan, that can't happen, Matt. So maybe I guess we're just going to have to get pregnant that night. Come inside me or come on the fucking sheets, but not near me or on me.

Okay, thank you, God bless and moving on. Okay, what are your thoughts on first look versus see each other for the first time when walking down the aisle? I haven't even fucking thought about that. Okay, first look means like you would go and meet up and take like pictures before you walk down the aisle as opposed to then just the first time Matt sees me would be me walking down the aisle.

I think my initial reaction is I don't give a fuck, but then I'm like, you know what? Maybe we won't do a first look just so I can make that motherfucker sob. Like I want to see Matt hawking a loogey up at the fucking aisle as opposed to him like seeing me quickly for photos. I think it'll be fun to watch him cry.

What if he doesn't cry? Matt, if you're watching this, bring some fucking eyedrops. The dreaded guest list talked about it. Any family you're being forced to invite any people you and Matt couldn't agree on.

Okay, so I was talking about it about this the other day in poor Matt. So when we were in Antucket for vacation this summer, we like had wine one night and we were like, let's put our wedding list together. And it was kind of fun because we're just going through and we're writing a list and we're getting to comment on all of our friends and family. It's just a big shit talking session.

No, I'm just kidding. But kind of you're like, oh, we don't want them there. And we got it to about like 85 people. Again, we knew we wanted to be pretty small and I guess we're wedding.

That's small to me. I was like, this is the biggest fucking wedding. Like, how did we get 85 people? Like, this can't be happening.

And I had severe anxiety when we made the list 85 people. I'm like, we agreed like, there's not going to be that many people. We got to 85. So then the other night he walked in from work and I said, I just want you to know, I cut our list from 85 to 60 people.

We got rid of 25 people on the list. And he was just like, I'm gonna go pour myself a drink. And I was like, oh, who did you cut? Like, do I have to say it?

I'm like, absolutely not. Like, they're gone. No, then I showed him the list and he was okay with the people. But now we're down to 60 people.

And I texted my mom, I'm like, I just cut another 25. Don't worry, you're still on the list. I'll let you know if you make the next cut. Like, I'm just shopping the fuck out of people.

Are you doing bridesmaids? Okay, so this is something I was actually talking about with my friends. I'm not going to have everyone wearing the same color dress. It's just not for me.

I want everyone to wear what they want to fucking wear. I don't want to be like, if you're not in olive green, don't step foot on the promises. Like, it's okay, wear what you want to wear. And I also don't want people standing up there.

I think I just want to be Matt and I. But I'm going to have them getting ready with me. We're going to have champagne and drinks and do a bunch of drugs before. And no, I'm just kidding.

What? No, but we're going to be in the room. And they're going to be with me till the last minute. And then I'm going to go out there, obviously, on my own.

But like, I'm not going to have anyone stand up there. But they'll know, like, they know they're my bridesmaids. We're just not wearing the same color. They're not standing in that row.

How fucked up do you see yourself getting on your wedding night? Oh, that's a great question. Because like, I don't want to be blackout beligy, but I do feel it would be advantageous for me to get tipsy enough that like, I'm having a good time. And like, I'm like, a little buzzed, but not to the point where I'm like vomiting.

I think that, I think it's something that I have to talk about. I can only fucking imagine. Wait, Daddy, can you please write this in? How fucking sad if one of you gets so fucked up?

And he's like literally blackout, like has to go upstairs. And it's passed out. That has to have happened at a wedding. Where like, the groom is motherfucking blackout, just like flailing everywhere.

Can't see he has to be put to bed tucked in night night. And the bride is literally like, I guess I'm like literally just going to go fuck myself. I'm buying myself all my wedding. I bet that's happened.

So I think I'm going to err on the side of caution, because I feel like I'm going to be high on life. I don't need to over drink. Is that fair? Next question is, where do you stand when it comes to tradition?

Fuck, tradition. My poor parents. Yeah, I'm not a traditional gal. Matt and I both grew up with different religions.

Matt's Jewish. I was raised Catholic. We are not going to infuse any type of religion into our wedding. It's going to be pretty not traditional.

Actually, it was really cute. Matt and I went and met up with my brother, who now lives in Los Angeles. And we asked him to officiate our wedding. So my brother Grant is going to be the person that's officiating our weddings.

And I think the last thing that may be the most like off tradition that I've decided I'm going to do is I am going to walk myself down the aisle. I'm not going to have my dad walk me down the aisle or my parents. My dad and I have a great relationship. My mom and I have a great relationship.

It's more just that I was like having a really hard time. Like what feels so cringe to me about walking down an aisle. And I talked about it with my therapist and she was super helpful. She was like, okay, it shouldn't feel cringe.

So let's talk about it. And I'm like, I just can't picture it. Like I'm having a really hard time envisioning myself walking down an aisle. And finally I got underneath it.

And I think it's because I love my dad so much. This has nothing to do with my fucking dad. But getting married traditionally is based in like a misogynistic culture. I'm sorry, we just have to put it out there.

Like a woman is being given away to a man with her dad standing next to her. And I'm not saying it's fucked up. If anyone listening to this has their dad walking down the aisle because I know that's not what you were thinking about. But my brain, I just can't get past the thought of my dad walking me to Matt.

And on top of it, my therapist was like, okay, so I have your mom and your dad. Like your family is joining his family, like walk down together. And something about it. I just feel like I just want to do it myself.

Like I feel like this is a decision that I'm making individually. And this isn't about, like of course my parents got me to this point to be who I am today. But something about it is like I'm so proud of my relationship with Matt. This is really just about Matt and I right now in this moment.

I want us to walk down separately and individually. And it just be about us and not about like this big family thing. Like we all love each other's families. We're obsessed with each other.

I'm so happy. We're so lucky. I love Matt's family. He loves their family loves my family.

It's all great. I don't know. Does that make sense? Like I just, I want to feel like an individual and I want to be like proud of myself for being able to walk myself down the aisle.

Like I don't need anyone to hold my hand. I'm going to walk down and meet Matt at the end and do it. I know my dad is going to be like, I would expect this Alex. Like this is so you.

It's totally fine. I feel like also I am literally by having a podcast. I am constantly having to talk about feelings and being a woman. And what it takes to be a woman, whether it's in an industry and trying to be a boss or have individuality or being confident in yourself.

And I feel like because I'm constantly thinking of these things, when I think about a wedding, I'm thinking also about like the themes in a wedding where maybe most people aren't like, what is the root of marriage? And it's like literally women being sold to men and the dads giving away their daughter's property. That is where it comes from. Not to make this like a sad, really depressing episode.

But that is the root of it. Like the woman in white, the virgin, take off the veil. Now you can go fuck her. Her first time she's going to bleed on the white, like it's literally so fucked.

So I can't look past it. So I'm trying to modernize the fuck out of my wedding. I went, you know what? Maybe I'll walk down first.

And then Matt comes and meets me. Come on. Maybe we'll fuck the whole thing up. It's more just like, yeah, I can't.

My brain goes to these things and a part of me wishes it didn't. Like trust me, I'm not like guys. Feminism, wedding, my wedding will be a feminist wedding. It's actually not about that.

Okay, next. Oh my God, will you go full makeout and tongue when you kiss during the ceremony? When they're like, you may kiss the bride. Also, I'm going to make sure my brother doesn't say you may kiss the bride.

You may kiss each other. Like, why does it have to be Matt kissing me? Guys, okay, I'm going to stop. Like, I'm sorry.

But you see what I'm saying? It's so fucked up. It's like, here you go. You can kiss her.

What if I want to kiss him first? Bitch. I have to stop. Everyone's like, Alex, let us just live in tradition for one event of our lives.

Until like, princesses. I want to be a fucking prince. Okay, I think like that's actually a good question. Like, what if I go in for the tongue and Matt fully lock-lips me?

We need to discuss this, Matt. I think a little bit of tongue, but not too much. We're like, I'll save that for later. What I do know is multiple of the questions in my DMs are, take us wedding dress shopping with you.

Just so you guys know, I don't have that scheduled for myself, let alone, you know what I mean for you. I haven't even marked on my calendar when I would want to go dress shopping. And the good thing about this podcast is it does really force me to just do things, right? Get up and go.

So as I'm sitting here, I don't know if I'm going to regret saying this, but I'm just wondering, should I just pick up the phone, call a fucking wedding place, and go try on wedding dresses. As I'm saying this, I'm like, yeah, this is what I'm going to do, because if I don't do it today, if I don't go find a wedding dress, or at least start the process, like, what style do I like? If I don't go today, I'm never going to fucking do it. I'm going to procrastinate to the point that I'm literally wearing fucking sweats to my wedding, and that is the one thing I'm actually not going to let myself do, because although that would be fucking so me, I'm not going to do it.

Although I could wear sweats underneath my, um, my dress. I'm calling someone that I work with, and she's currently getting married also. Caitlin. Yes.

Okay, I am sitting and recording the podcast right now, and I just decided I need to go right now, or I'm never going to do it wedding dress shopping. Can you tell me a place I can go in LA? I love you so much. Please make the appointment, so I do not fucking back out.

Okay, I love you. Thank you, bye. She's like, sweetie, let's go. Okay, so we're about to make a fucking appointment, and we are going to go wedding dress shopping.

And you know what's actually really fucking cute? I just realized my mom is in town right now. She's staying with Matt and I, and she obviously lives on the east coast. So when I was thinking about obviously wedding dress shopping, I didn't know when I was going to do it, but I was not anticipating that my mom would be able to come and do it with me.

And now I'm realizing I'm going to go ask her if she wants to come with me. Mom, come here. Will you go wedding dress shopping with me? Are you serious?

Yeah. Oh my God. Yes. Like today, like really right now.

Now Caitlyn just got me an appointment. Will you come? Oh my God, can I get a change? You look great, you look so cute.

Oh my God. You look awesome. Okay. Don't let me cause it.

Caitlyn just texted me and said, do not for the love of God wear your hot pink underwear. That you're always fucking in at photo shoots. Like you'll be able to see that through the dresses. So thankfully I put on town under where today, so that was meant to be.

Do you guys like how organized my closet? So I will not lie. I'm getting already a little anxious because like this was meant to be a joke. Daddy gang.

Like as you see, I'm not. I don't have anything prepared with my life and my wedding and I'm a disaster with regard to everything right now. Like I don't have answers. And I thought at first when I said like let's go try wedding dresses.

And then when my mom just hugged me downstairs, I'm not going to lie. It like stressed me the fuck out because I'm like, this is actually real. Like my mom is going to come wedding dress shopping with me. This was supposed to be like a funny thing for the podcast.

And now I'm like actually going wedding dress shopping with my mother. So I'm going to be really honest because we keep it real here. I'm going to get fucking high a ship right now because I cannot be fully sober going and doing this or I'm going to have a panic attack. And let's just be real.

It's going to be more fun for you guys to watch. Let's go to my fucking balcony. My poor mother is not going to understand like that I'm high. Like actually, I'm pretty sure that my mom was like a fucking hothead when she was younger, but she would never say that.

I always take edibles. I rarely ever smoke joints anymore. I know I'm not going to find my dress today, but my goal is to at least understand and narrow it down to like what dress style I like. All right.

Let's go. Okay. I'll smoke a little more before we go in. I'm just not going to tell my mom because we don't need her being paranoid.

She's making sure you can't make the decision. You're high. Let's go. We're going.

I love coming soon. All right. Let's go. This is going to be really interesting.

Yeah, it'll be great. All right, guys. It's game day. Are you good?

This is so nice hearing myself in here. Daddy gang, you're more than good. You're great. I feel like right now it's kind of hitting me.

I think that the reason that I was so able to say that I was going to go do this is because I love views and I love content. And I want to give everything to the daddy gang. Like I want everyone to be like that was so fun. But I'm not going to lie.

Now that it's registering in my brain that I am currently sitting in the back of a car getting driven to an appointment in Santa Monica at a wedding dress shop, it's starting to feel a little weird weird weirdly weirdly real. This is so far removed from anything I thought we'd be doing. I don't even care if it is for content. I'm going to just go and do it and have a good time.

Okay. So my high is definitely kicked in feeling. Oh, yeah, I am high. Just so you know.

Good. Two now because I was getting concerned. How could I hate her? Okay.

Go. We do that. And go. Go.

And again. Yeah. Are we going to do a DJ? Are we going to do a band?

I think a band is totally fun. It just would have to be like a band that actually like gets it. And I don't want to rely on band goers coming in and setting the vibe of my wedding. I want to fucking DJ.

Let's talk about the dream scenario. Matt's walking down the aisle. John Lennon is playing the piano. Okay.

John's coming in. He's like a friend of the show vibes. Let's go. Then.

Jen. John legend. Did I do Lenin? Fuck.

It's not. We're bringing it back. We're bringing it back. I mean, if I got the fucking Beatles, John legend, I love you.

We're the fucking Beatles. John legend as Matt is walking down the aisle. Oh, let me love. And then I turn the corner and then Christina Aguilera punts John to the side and Christina starts singing.