Naked surprise

My husband told me that if I post this, I’m going to lose some of my audience. It seems I just can’t help myself. If you don’t want to read the word “butthole” one more time, I’d advise you not to continue. You have been warned.If you skip the main article and scroll to the bottom, you’ll find a couple upcoming events, one for parents and one for young adults and you’ll still avoid all the buttholes (except the three I’ve somehow managed to fit in in the first few sentences of this post).My almost 3-year-old son was sitting on his little potty recently and, mid-poop, exclaimed “Oh no, I can’t do it!” and wanted to hold my hand.This kind of thing happens to everyone, except as adults, instead of asking for help during our most vulnerable moments, we get all embarrassed and we try to make sure no one finds out. When I was in my early 20’s I tried to attack all my fears. Every time I noticed that I was afraid of something, I would just do it. This meant that I did things like run marathons barefoot, ride my bicycle across the country, and polar plunges every day in the New England winter.I was living near Boston at the time, and I got a job at an outdoor education center in the Catskills. So naturally, I decided to ride my bicycle there. Without a cell phone, with all my stuff packed on my bike, in February. There was a website at the time (which apparently still exists) called couchsurfing.com. So I planned to stay on the couches of strangers for a couple of the nights on my trip to my new job. I trained throughout the month of January, taking long rides through the snowy, grey landscape of Massachusetts. It was very, very lonely.Your generosity makes a huge difference. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.I planned to depart before dawn one cold February morning, and the night before I left, my dad asked me if I was scared. I realized that I was, and at the same time, I began to have the realization that all the confrontation of my fears I had been doing was really an attempt to avoid my biggest fear: vulnerability.I thought about that quite a bit on my lonesome bike ride, which in my memory was quiet, grey, and relatively uneventful. I arrived unscathed, but with a plan.Like all my other fears, I confronted this one head on. After a few weeks of getting to know my co-workers, I started playing a game called Naked Surprise. It’s what it sounds like. You get naked, and you surprise people. Most people were down for it, so we all started naked surprising each other in a glorious expression of vulnerability.It wasn’t long before naked surprise wasn’t enough for me, and so naturally, I started “butthole surprise.” Again, pretty much what it sounds like. As you might imagine, it wasn’t as popular as naked surprise. So if that weirds you out, you’re not alone. But like it or not, everyone has a butthole, we just don’t like to talk about it (let alone look at it).The truth is that we’re all, essentially, s**t-shows. We just get better at hiding it as we grow up. What if it was ok to be kind of a disaster, or at the very least to not be perfect?This liberatory practice is calling for us to stop trying to hide the wild, uncivilized naked toddler within all of us that we so badly wish expose. The one who wants to have a real reaction, to cry, to have a tantrum, and to hold someone’s hand while they poop.Perhaps the suggestion of letting yourself go sounds confusing at a time when the world seems to be going to s**t. But when we get more real about the mess we truly are, the resulting humility is what allows us to see the humanity in each other. To acknowledge that it is fear that is driving the hateful acts in the world. And ultimately, the effort to hide our vulnerabilities does little to benefit us, other than save face. When we’re expending all of our energy trying to contain or hide ourselves, we have nothing left to give, and we stop being real.If we could all just be a little bit more vulnerable, it would give everyone permission to do the same. We all get to come out of hiding, only to find that indeed, everyone has a butthole.Thanks for your kind attention, and your generosity. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Next Tuesday, August 26th at 4pm ET, Ofosu Jones-Quartey (Born I) and I will be teaching Parenting as the Path online. The topic will be vulnerability, and how it’s ok to be your true self, or to not know what you’re doing as a parent. If you want to make it but can’t, the great news is that we recently partnered with IMS, and the recordings of these classes are being made available on the IMS website. You can find the link to the recordings, and the registration for the upcoming class, here:The Contemplative SemesterLast fall I was a full time faculty for a program for young adults called the Contemplative Semester. There’s nothing quite like this program, and it’s something I wish I could have done as a young person. It’s happening again in the spring of 2026, and if you know of anyone between the ages of 18-25 who might be interested, please share this with them:The Contemplative Semester (CS) is a three-month immersion in mindfulness meditation, community living, and nature connection for 18-25 year-olds. Nestled in the foothills of Vermont's Green Mountains, the program runs February 1 to May 8, 2026.CS is structured around:* A holistic curriculum that integrates Buddhist and other contemplative wisdom, meditation, Nonviolent Communication, nature connection, and contemplative discernment.* Four week-long meditation retreats taught by highly experienced Buddhist teachers, providing participants with dedicated time for introspection and growth.* Community living based on collaboration and shared ethics, fostering a supportive environment for personal and collective transformation.* College credit optional, offering up to 12 credits for an additional fee.* CS is an educational non-profit sponsored by the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit caralai.substack.com/subscribe