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Welcome back to tweet trends today is national expos day. Did you know that well? I've got a big treat for you today. I brought in one of my girlfriends She's a sorority sister of mine her name is Joni and she is an expos So we just chat about the subject for a little bit on today's episode.
I hope you enjoy it. Let's get started So on today's episode, I have one of my friend what year that was it was around a hurricane I think was 98. So whatever hurricane that was. Okay, so that that would make sense.
I've known you pretty much 20 years Which sounds crazy to say Oh my gosh I don't even know how to just how to describe you to any of the listeners out there Joni is one of these people that that just always has your back We could not talk for months and then all of a sudden jump right back in and it'd be like we just talked yesterday And it's like it's my girl like nobody say nothing bad about Joni And so when I saw the day coming up If I thought of you and was like, you know what? I bet Joni someone I mentioned the topic to you and you were all like Oh, wow, yeah, we put a little spin on that. I'm like sure You know, that's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about right there things like this it always makes me think of Waiting to exhale and that Mary J Blige song not gonna cry That was my anthem for the longest time and the funny thing is because in the song she says 11 years Although we weren't married because we dated for 11 years.
I feel like that's kind of like common law almost That's how long I was with Calvin too. Really? Are you serious? Yes, man?
Yes, man. We dated for five with married six Like People do parties did you do a party? Actually did not do a party you just had your own internal party. He was like, yeah Exactly, but you know, I actually like when it first happened.
I I think I just felt relief It wasn't until like maybe a little bit a few years after that that actually felt more like celebrate So it was really and like almost sadness too because I was like man, you know, I never thought I would actually be a statistic I never thought my marriage would be that's actually how I left the courtroom feeling like dang, you know, like, okay Well, I'm glad that's done, but I never thought I find myself in this in this position right right? Especially when you know people tell you like oh my gosh y'all make such a cute couple and right? Oh my goodness, you guys are so good together because you did it's college, right? Exactly and people used to call us Gina and Martin because they were like, oh my god, y'all are so good together Y'all get along so well, we want what y'all have and then this happens I can tell you one of the things I told my mommy daddy though when it happened I will have found out is that and this is something I've always lived by I can be bad by myself I don't need anybody to bring me down So I was like, you know what do's this because I remember my daddy always when I was talking to him about it He said me Are you gonna be ever trusting again?
If you're not gonna be to trust him again, then you need to get out now because trust is huge in a relationship and I was willing to Willing to work it out, but would I have ever really flute trusted him again? I can't you know, I can't say that I would have I've been that woman who was probably like checking his phone or asking Where he's been and I definitely don't want to be that one. I never you know never want yet So I was like, you know what? This is my out.
I mean, there's all this. It's just not gonna be so I filed the force Is there an upside to the actual divorce in itself? That seems like a very complicated little ordeal for me I actually feel like me getting the divorce was actually a blessing in disguise Yeah, going through it was the most miserable time. I want one of the most miserable times out of it I'm like mm-hmm where it didn't seem like there was ever gonna be an end to the pain But now I can honestly say retrospectively that I am so grateful That I'm not in that relationship.
I'm okay with the man with a dissolving of that relationship, right? So it's not it's not bad to me now No, of course I'm a statistic because unfortunately I'm one of the you know, because they always say that 50% of marriages would solve I'm one of those But I'm okay with that because I'm glad I'm not in that relationship, right? What if somebody came to you and wanted advice like should I or should not like I'm realizing now that we We're not on the same page. We're not Thinking the same way.
I thought we were gonna grow together, but we're growing apart What would be your recommendation to them? I think I kind of had that happen once one of my The young ladies I meant used to mentor well kind of still do at church back in the back She she came in she's in a really bad relationship And for whatever reason I cannot get her to see what I suggested to her was to Get in a quiet place get a piece of paper write down the pros and cons of saying in that relationship I whether she think would be the benefit of saying that relationship Well, we should think you know with the disadvantages to leaving it She did the pros and cons she found out that the cons were more but she still chose to just say but that would if that would be my advice I guess to anybody they were asking what would be you know what to do to figure out what the not they should see in a relationship Would the next step be well look to get out or look for counseling or? What would like did you guys go through counseling before you said that's it? We did not if it was so funny how it happened me being the naive young woman that I was at the time Even after I found out about the infidelity.
I still wanted to work out He said he wanted to work it out, but you know in retrospect looking back that really was not what you wanted to do Right, but I was the one who was like oh my gosh, you know less we could still work this out go to counseling Let's go to the pastor. Well, I didn't go into the pastor. He actually told me that I was wrong for considering a divorce Because my place was with my husband, right? So then I didn't like that advice And so I went and talked to another pastor who actually said that you know you get out of this You know you be in this blah blah blah.
I don't know what he was doing up there He never went to counseling. So we never did counseling And I don't think he ever did you know there's a scripture I never can quote words from but there's a scripture that says that God will make a way of escape for you And I truly truly believe that he knew I got myself in something that I should not have been in and that you'll get that infidelity That divorce was my way out I bet I'm telling you I don't know what was wrong with me. I'll tell you I can laugh in a lap by the way But I was most naive foolish and I want to say maybe it was because I you know I had had boyfriends before him But I want to say maybe that was the first time I actually felt like I was in love with somebody You know how you had your little high school things and you're like huh, huh? But I want it, you know, I was I don't my own I was an adult and I want to say because this was like my first like real Non-high school relationship that I was like, you know this right here is this my dream But you know how I found out I was healed I saw him and it was in National Harbor, Maryland It was after the fact he's called me Joe.
He's like hey Joe How are you and I was like I'm fine? How are you I'm talking to him just like this in my head. I'm thinking Oh my gosh, and I run should I you know tell somebody I need help like you know My heart I'm bad again, but I remember thinking to myself I was just like I know I'm good because you know I didn't like I went like I'm not like anymore like you know, I was like what mad about this girl I had to give parting words. I would tell anybody going through I would tell that I know it feels really bad We're going through it, but it's just not that bad on the other side.
It really is not that bad Actually, some cases is much better on the other side, so that would be my part word I think that I think that works though because that would be somebody heading in that direction to having an ex So you're thinking about this day as being something really bad or dreadful then you know what? Keep an eye out because that light at the end of the tunnel is really bright. Oh, yeah, and it's worth reaching Thank you so much for hanging out with me. Yes, ma'am.
Thank you. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for the invitation Okay, well that was today's episode of tweet trends. Thank you for joining me I hope you enjoyed the little discussion Joni and I had together I apologize for the sound quality It was a little wonky, but you know what we still had a great time and hopefully you did too if you're out there celebrating national ex-spouse Day I hope that it is a healthy and happy celebration and that you are not down in the dumps because it's bad enough We've got COVID-19 out there making everybody depressed, but on top of that we don't need that going into The reason why you're even more depressed than what you started off with right so even though Fun fact they say that because of Social distancing and people having to spend more time with their families that the divorce rate and domestic violence rate is going up Yikes, okay.
Well, like I said guys. Hope you enjoyed today's episode. Check me out on Twitter at hay event That's at he yv et or just look for the hashtag tweet trends and I'll see you back here again on Thursday