New Years Retributions

It’s a new year, a new theme song, and—thankfully—everyone still has all their fingers. 🥂In this episode, Jesse and Mikey kick off the year by talking New Year’s goals (not resolutions), why small changes matter more than unrealistic gym promises, and how tracking stress, sleep, and heart rate can actually make a difference. From OrangeTheory milestones and “revenge bodies” to learning when to slow down and actually take a day off, this conversation goes deeper than expected.Along the way, they unpack:Why New Year’s Eve can feel overrated (and anxiety-inducing)Finding motivation through routine, data, and hot trainersWork-life balance, burnout, and the struggle to truly unplugDating intentionally while still being “whores with standards”Starting businesses, setting boundaries, and trusting your instinctsAnd because this is Closet Cases, things also take a hard left into:Rhinestone dildos, Etsy business ideas, and questionable DIY tipsAwkwardly hot doctor encountersWild roommate and coworker storiesCatholic school scandals and other absolute what-the-fuck momentsIt’s funny, messy, vulnerable, and very real—because growth doesn’t have to be polished, and neither do we.✨ New year. Same chaos. Slightly better boundaries. ✨