News From The Bottom Of The Barrel

A woman in Florida has filed a $5 million lawsuit against the makers of Velveeta's microwavable Shells & Cheese cups, because they say it's "ready in three-and-a-half minutes," but it takes longer than that.... The woman says you have to take the wrapper off the container, you have to open the container, and you have to add the water, the woman claims this all takes way longer than the advertised three-and-a-half minutes. Velveeta has declined to comment on the woman's lawsuit..... And Blake Martinez was playing this season for the Las Vegas Raiders when he retired mid season, Blake did not retire because of an injury, he instead retired because he recently sold a Pokemon card for $700,000 and no longer needed his NFL salary to live.