News From The Bottom Of The Barrel

A Russian flight had a terrifying malfunction yesterday when the rear door of the plane flew open shortly after takeoff in Siberia. When the cabin depressurized, hats were snatched off passengers’ heads and most of their luggage was sucked out with them. The pilot made a fast emergency landing, and despite the thin air being 43 degrees below zero Fahrenheit outside the plane, the passengers were reported to be safe after landing.... In other news....A suspected DUI driver led police on a high-speed chase in Washington over the weekend. And a passenger called 911 . . . on the cops . . . to complain that they were driving too fast in pursuit. The driver was arrested.