你如何深化一次对话？

Howdo you deepen a conversation?DanChang, former shy guy, founder of thefriendformula.comIt's really simple. All you haveto do is ask (and answer) a series of questions that get increasingly morepersonal.Check out this fancy diagram Imade.Over time, as two people sharemore personal information, they build a connection. The typical progressiongoes like this:1. Cliches→ 2. Facts → 3.Opinions → 4. FeelingsThat's it. It's powerful stuffthough.Several studies have shown that deepening conversations actually makespeople like you more and stay your friend.But most people tend to keeptheir conversations on the same level, and get stuck at cliches and facts. Liketalking about the weather. Or the news. Or whatever they're comfortable with.The key is really focusing on thetransition from facts to opinions & feelings.In other words, focus on moving from WHAT to WHY.Get really good at askingquestions.Most people ask generic questionslike "how are you?" or "what do you do?" and then they geta generic response. Specific questions will get more specific answers and moveyou away from cliches and facts into the deeper stuff. This helps open up evenreserved people because they see that you actually care.So let's break it down.Start by instead of asking thegeneric "how are you?" ask something just a little more specificlike, "How's your day going so far?"From there, continue askingspecific questions to really understand their day:·       What'sgoing well? What isn't?·       Doinganything fun?·       Anyplans for tonight?And from there the conversationcan go into a whole range of topics, I find people end up talking a lot abouttheir jobs or their families.In any case, continue askingquestions that really draw on their opinions and feelings:·       What'sthat like? It must be so exciting·       What'syour favorite spot to eat around here?·       Doyou enjoy that?·       Areyou attracted to me? *wink* (just kidding, don't do that!)Here's to deeper, more meaningfulconversations.