Notes from the Upper West Side. A novel by Dan Wrench. Chapter 53. The Ballsy Strategy A couple days later me and Parker were standing in front of the Starbucks at 93rd and Broadway.
I had the night off from the bar and Junior was out at North Scouts watching Harry in some craft exhibition. She was where? North Scouts? What the hell is North Scouts?
You might be asking if you're reading this in Alabama or Yemen. See, North Scouts is this organization like the Boy Scouts, only for kids of all sexes but only if they live in the Northeast. And the kids who belong to North Scouts, they have to do stuff to earn badges. Usually this is outdoorsy stuff, stuff that modern kids don't do enough of what with television and the internet keeping them indoors and on their asses most of the time.
Like for instance, if they chop a tree in half, there's a badge for that. But there's no badge for posting shit to Twitter. The badge Harry was trying out for tonight was this one where you have to take some blueprint they gave you at one of their weekly meetings and build a thing from it. So all last week Harry was home after school with glue and tiny nails and I bought him this little saw for cutting ball so would.
And when the week was up, boom, new made thing. It looked like a windmill with a little axe attached that I guess would chop things when a wind blew. So what's the axe supposed to chop Harry? I asked.
I don't know. He said squirrels. Maybe if a squirrel is bad then when he dies he gets sent to this windmill to get his head cut off. Or maybe it's for wood.
Junior called over. Maybe it's to help the farmers chop up their kindling. Okay. Harry said.
But it was the kind of okay you say to your mom because she's being your mom. You know, humane and practical. Which is no fun. So his eyes were still dancing with the thought of bad little squirrels getting their final come up and he seemed really pleased with a little wind chopper and we all told him what a great job he did including Sammy who wanted to take it out to the house.
And he decided to see it chopping in the breeze. Let's leave it inside for now. I said. Maybe Harry will let you take it out later after he's had a chance to show it in North Scouts.
Junior said. So me and Junior were both supposed to be with Harry that night in this high school auditorium and maybe taking pictures while other people applauded and shit. But I begged off at the last minute. Work emergency.
I said to Junior on the phone. They really can't get anyone else to my party. That's the emergency. Everyone's out with the chicken Chinese flu or whatever it is.
She hung up on me. It should have stung more but I was kind of getting used to it. And I really needed the night all the way off. You know.
I'd make it up to Harry later by surprising him with a baseball mid or something. So that night I had about three hours to myself that I could spend either enjoying internet porn in the traditional manly fashion. We're talking to Park about how to whip Admiral Ball's into shape for the follow up date from Cammy that I was hoping to score. I chose talking to Park.
Park showed up a split second after I did but I needed a smoke so we talked small on the sidewalk while I finished a cigarette. Then we went in and got coffee. So that whole adventure at the roundabout took what? 45 minutes?
He asked after I told him about the date. We were sitting at a table in a kind of quiet corner in the back. Oh, I think it was about an hour and a half you count the lull between the scenes. There was an intermission.
I'm not kidding you. She had it all planned out. Two scenes in what the British call an interval. So an hour and a half.
That doesn't sound terrible. Yeah, well the cock pleasing part of the evening was over in about ten minutes I said. The rest of the time we spent in the aforementioned Antrakta or else with me licking her. So your cock was in the game for ten minutes?
Yeah, I wanted to go longer but you know Admiral Ball's got caught looking the other way. What, you mean you couldn't get it up? No no see I got it up fine. I mean yeah there were some opening night jitters but they went away after I had a blast of bourbon.
Okay. But when she was pretending to be the little boy that bites Plank, she gave me this incredible blowjob, the kind of blowjob that makes you think about divorcing your wife and moving into some little hut with a grass roof on the beach. And after that Admiral Ball's he was stunned, tapped, spent, so he kind of benched himself for the rest of the game. And after that she just rode your face for an hour.
It felt like at least three days but I guess it was about ten minutes come, ten minutes asshole. I know the times don't exactly add up but that's my best sense. I don't usually check the clock when I'm throwing the bone. Or in this case the tongue.
He just drank his coffee. So hey look, I said the reason I asked you here to tell you this, it isn't just for the camaraderie. He looked at me with this little grin flicker. I pretended not to notice.
I was thinking you might have some ideas on how I could fix that. And you know how like usually I'm not interested in hearing about the gym and the diet and the vitamin pills. Let's just say I'm willing to give all of that a shot if it means Admiral Ball's you can get back up to ramming speed. Wow.
He said Cameron must really make an impression with their pants off. Um, that um, it was a sad um, my friends. I didn't realize it until it came out of my mouth but when I heard it I knew it was the um of the unloved and ruthless. Let's from the Upper West Side is a work of fiction.
The people depicted in this work do not exist. Notes from the Upper West Side copyright 2013 to 2017 by Dan Ranche.