Notes from the Upper West Side. A novel by Dan Wrench. Chapter 2 The Beginning The story begins almost five months ago in March. That's when I met up with future wife, baller, Tony Parp to talk about this project he was working on.
I've known Parp for decades. We went to college together. We were supposed to be buddies. We met up at a Starbucks, the one on 93rd and Broadway.
I had a medium something. It was the day after St. Patrick's Day and they still had some of the green coffee left. We talked small for a while.
And then he said, we're about to shoot this music video around a jazz tune called Little Round Jewish Hat. Sinatra would have done this song if he lived and had the stones. I gave him my obligatory hoho, ain't that funny laugh, you know? Because it wasn't fun.
Just tasteless. No, seriously. He said, uh-huh. The name of the song is Little Round Jewish Hat.
Round, not Brown. Little Round Jewish Hat. Why is that so strange? Well for one thing, I said, it seems to lack taste.
I mean for Sinatra or for that generation. Sinatra's generation. He gave me this grin that looked extra stupid because he was wearing round purple shades. Aussie Osborne shades.
Although personally, I think they make him look like the chick on the poster for almost famous, you know? The head groupie. You know what I mean? It sounds a little off.
Oh yeah? Like it doesn't seem like it has enough mass appeal. I'm in a jazz tune about Ayamaka. It's like you're making fun of it too by calling it a little round Jewish Hat.
He sipped his coffee and looked around. There was a barista there with a nice rack who called him Mr. Tony and stroked his hand when she gave him change. They were staring at each other while I was trying to be analytical.
I waited for him to pay attention to me again. Sounds a little off, I said. Parplaft. I know.
He said. Sounds vaguely anti-Semitic. I said. Yeah?
Yeah? Seems hard to believe that you know, Sinatra. Well, Parplaft. It's not like he actually recorded it.
Okay, look, I know by now you've all probably seen Little Round Jewish Hat on the internet. It's a viral. They even complained about it on Foxman night and MSNBC too I think. Those strippers wearing the yarmokas?
I guess the kids think it's funny but you know, taste anyone? But back when he was telling me about it all I knew was the title and he said Sinatra. I didn't know it was supposed to be funny. I'm pretty sure he was leading me on just so I feel like an asshole later.
Does it have a tune? It's a song. He said, songs have tunes. Even though I couldn't see his eyes too well I figured out he was looking over my shoulder at this guy with a white curly wire leading from his ear to a square thing in his chest pocket.
And having a conversation way too loud, like it was his office and his secretary was right outside and he was trying to impress her with his alpha bossness. It was a laugh that braid a donkey laugh. Jules the fat boy was saying, you tell Erica I want to tush you down at that audition at 1015 sharp. Parp laughed.
Will you listen to the fat fuck? I wonder who the show is for? You never know. I said something young and fit with no bush and a tap walks in thinks he's an agent good for two blowjobs before she finds out he does the PHP for the MTA website.
You see how he's watching the door? Quarky fuck. Parp said spend some time in the gym chimp twat. Parp hated porky fucks, which was a little awkward because I was kind of on the polo on the side myself.
At the wrong angle in bright light, this is parp long hair dyed in unnatural black, tan face leathery, amateur bodybuilder thin waist always wears compression fit t-shirts even in winter jeans, sneakers, the aforementioned round shades. He has a collection of the same style shades in an assortment of colors, a complete asshole calculating evil as will be demonstrated in this tale of vengeance and justice. I'll send the song to your email address. He said, oh yeah, little round you wish I had Bobby shooting it.
Bobby whispers owns a tobacco store on 6th Avenue, but he had been a comedy writer for a long time and now he directed and produced in Deflix. He's also married to Mundy McDade. No shit married to a rock star for 15 years. Sometimes I think it's worth it to hang around him just to see if she'll show up and make eye contact with me.
But if you've been alive and on the internet in the last three months you already know all about that. Whisper has some issues too that I won't go into much. For a second it was quiet except for the agent on his cell. Then parp asked, so you wanna be in it?
The video? Fuck yes. I said, babes on the set? Bevy.
He said. So who would I play? Okay. The video is about a guy who loses his yarmica on a windy day.
A girl finds it and she gives it to him and wow, he looks like a model, you know? I'm not playing that guy, am I? Fuck no. He said, the asshole.
You have Lenny Payne lined up for that. You know Lenny Payne sings down at fighters? I don't get down to fighters much so who do I play? I see you as a passerby who does one of those great double takes you do.
Maybe two. One close up. Um, compensation? It's a sag micro budget deal.
You get a hundred bucks for the day plus car fare to and from and lunch. Deal, I said. Notes from the Upper West Side is a work of fiction. The people depicted in this work do not exist.
Notes from the Upper West Side. They write 2024 by Dan Wrench.