When he's in the sun, what happened? The wrinkly part. What's wrong with the wrinkly part? It's just very...
Wrigley. What's his name? Rumble Bean. Oh, you like that.
Wait, I kind of like him. Dude, I just... Hey, cats. No, this is pretty sweet moment.
He likes you. It's jarring. I know, I can tell. You're very comfortable around him.
It's like interacting with the special ed for the first time. There's nothing wrong. It's actually a beautiful moment. You get fidgety around special ed people.
Depends on who they are. Oh, my God. Okay, well, one more, no. Come on, Wurgers.
Come on, Wurgers. Huge son of a... Miles Davis. My fault is totally moving.
New Eddie Brood, can we get back home? My mother has... Oh, really smoke machine. Really?
I told Miles yesterday, I think it's flat. I think it's empty. He's like, no, it's full. You know what?
I want to... All 24-year-olds. I don't know if YouTube's going to flag me for that. They are pretty unbearable.
Catch. Shut up. You know? Well, you know, I got to tell you, if the person working was a 24-year-old woman, they might have checked for detail.
Yeah, did you think I was going to argue with that? No. No, I'm just saying it out loud. I was just thinking like, I could just never trust a man in his 20s to do anything.
I think we're just as misogynist as you are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Wait. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Wasn't sure what it meant. Yeah. No, we talked about it. Yeah.
Is there any time for these? Yeah. Wait, we're doing shots? Yeah.
Focus shots. You want to get fully focused on this podcast? Maybe. Magic mind.
Yeah, it is all good stuff. It doesn't take bad at all. Oh, hell yeah. Vitamin C.
All right. That was good. Really? Hey, real quick, we have a limited time offer on these Magic Minds.
Oh, we do? Yeah, we do. You can get exactly 48% off your first subscription. Oh, wow.
Or 20%. Finally, I can say that's almost half, Michael. You say a lot, and for once it's finally true. Or 20% off one-time purchases with code, Ellis, at checkout, you can claim at magicmind.com slash Ellis.
Passion fruit. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's the part where you can, I was looking for something.
I was like something here. A lot of passion fruit. Gelato. Solid.
Yeah. How's it going? Good. I saw you like just five minutes ago, it seems.
Yeah, you did my pod yesterday. I don't see you very often, and now I see you a lot. You think this is it though? Who knows?
How risky are we both going to be? Risky. Yeah, this is it. This might be the last time I'll ever see.
Oh, I mean, just because we don't see each other that often. What are you planning on doing where I won't see you again after this? Yeah, it's fair. Uh-oh.
Someone checking on Jason. Yeah, it might be too late. The signs are there. Yeah, I just saw you.
We had a great time together. Oh, yeah, she's a shit. She's like a human rabbit. That is a good.
We went to Hawaii together and we went hiking in our tour guide. Did she borrow into a hole? No, our tour guide named her Bambi. Right.
Because the way she hiked on the mountain her legs were just like slipping on everything. I could say that. Yeah. She doesn't seem like she would function quite as well on non-paved surfaces.
You know, it's actually shocking. We went on like a hike that was like not a tourist hike. Like we went with locals, and it was much more dangerous than we both had it just. Yeah, it was like 20 year old boys.
Yeah, like we'll take you and show you something cool and we're like, let's do this. We'll go wrong. Come on, Halleys. Next thing we know, we're hanging on to moist green vines in the jungle with like a 600 foot fall below us.
And it just rain and it's muddy and they're like, you'll be fine in flip flops. And there are literally lines where people have to like hang on and pull themselves back up the mountain. Yeah. And Sarah, I shit you not went down that mountain in a skirt and flip flops as carelessly as she would walk down a regular sidewalk with no moving cars.
Like she would just hop and slip in the mud and almost slip off the mountain on to rocks and she got like, oops, and get back up. And I was like, shitting myself watching her. I would hang on the things like hoping not to slide. And she'd go like, oops.
And she'd jump to another branch and her little skirt. Yeah. She does slip, but she catches herself. Yes.
Until. Until she doesn't. Yeah, it takes the one. And I almost saw the one with my own eyes and why.
Were you two out there working or YouTube vacationing? We went vacationing. Successful vacation after their conquering of the comedy story. It was like, yeah, it was our first vacation ever.
You guys are so successful. I'm jealous of you. No. No.
I am. It's all fake. Specials doing well on YouTube. Yeah, but like it doesn't travel with Milph.
It also doesn't matter. Why doesn't it matter? Why doesn't it matter? Why doesn't it?
Do you mean anything? My special did great. Why would it matter? Oh, so nothing matters.
I'm like, it doesn't. Nothing matters. No, it's like, okay, so you're getting the thing now. Now what?
So what does matter? I don't know. We'll see. Do you like hairy guys?
No. Do you like foot massages? Yes. Why?
Do you like sunsets? Yeah. Like a lot. Yeah.
Yeah. More than the average thing that I like. I like food and sunsets. But those are like the top.
What kind of food do you like? Anything besides Korean barbecue. Wait. Ethiopian food.
Yeah. There's a section in Hollywood, a street. A little Ethiopia that I really don't. I don't look.
Ethiopia. I don't have a beef. Needed a yew. No, they do.
It's just not cooked. It's raw. They sell raw steak. We did a muff bang with our podcast the other day Ethiopian and I was doing it for black history month, last day of black history month.
I ended up being disrespectful. I was like, oh my God, what is this? I was like, shit. Not a muff bang.
That's what she said. A muff bang. You can't do those on YouTube. Yeah.
I was like, I'm all these. Like go on. That's the only fan. Can you explain the concept of a muff bang?
Yeah, you just eat a lot on camera and people enjoy watching that. Oh, it's really fun. Yeah. It's not good.
It's more of a challenge. It does seem like it lends itself to that because it's all just pureed mush. I don't like pureed food. No, Ethiopian food is like really ideal if you're going out on a date with a baby.
I like to chew stuff. Who doesn't like good food? Well, babies like bland. It was even bland.
It was the same problem I had when I went for Korean barbecue was the seasonings. You got beef with Korean barbecue. Yeah, I do. Ironically.
It was kind of the same seasonings and everything. So even if you didn't like one little thing, everything tasted like that thing. Here it comes again. Yeah.
Gotcha. I love barbecue. I love barbecue. It's just Koreans you got beef with.
Yeah. You got big beef with the Koreans. Yeah, Koreans are Chinese. I did.
And then there's a war and then they like separated. I could go into more detail, but I don't actually know what I'm talking about. Ethnically, they're pretty similar. Yeah.
And also there's a part of Japan where you can just about see Korea. They're all I mean, hey, we're all kind of the same when it comes down to it. Do you know what Americans are Russians? It's true.
Yeah, before the water right, Rose, we're all in the same island. Lucy, first person ever. She was black. So we're all black.
That's why you can say that word. That's why I can say the end word. That's why I'll have a pass. That's right.
Oh, good. Can you say it because you're now you can't I could before 2016. What happened? I don't know.
I got taken away from Puerto Ricans around then. We used to have it and now and then it was gone. Really? Oh, yeah.
It used to be ours, too. Where? Florida, New York, the Bronx, like the Bronx, Puerto Ricans are still saying it up there and no one's bad tonight. Right.
But yeah, in Florida, too. And some Puerto Ricans, you know, the more than New York Puerto Ricans than the Puerto Rico, Puerto Ricans, Puerto Rico, Puerto Ricans. Everyone's a well let us live. Yeah, fair enough.
Good for them. What are your thoughts on Puerto Ricans? I like them a lot. I don't have you been to Puerto Rico.
Yep. It's fun. Yeah. Yeah.
I fell in love with the Puerto Rican ones. How'd that go? Well, once I ran out of money, she left. She did?
Was she crazy? She was a stripper. Oh. It was in the club.
Oh, okay. It was like an hour. Okay. Okay.
Man, I was in love with her. Where are you? It's easy to fall in love with a stripper. Yeah.
That's kind of like they're in high. I was back to my curse of the witches. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Can you flesh that theory out a little bit? I believe in this theory, by the way. Thank you. I don't know if it's interesting.
My 15th grad, my 20th grad, in fact, it was, uh, one. My 23th grad. I change my sense, so are my computer that she was on the internet looking for a curses and spells. And she was like to say, you know, you're exes.
I've been like, trying to curse you. And then apart from that one, the next lady that I was with, she's a nice person, not a witch, as far as I can tell. But then the rest of them were all witches. Evil.
That's but I was attracted to it because I believe that's my curse. As I'm attracted to people, witches. I have two kind of scary stories. Like that.
She doesn't exist on the plan anymore. Yeah. And she disappeared. Yeah, but I don't think she did.
I think she just reincarnated herself as another person. Okay, so the witches do that. I totally believe that. And I totally believe in some weird shit like that.
The witches do that because I used to live with this girl. And she was a roommate of mine and she was really beautiful and she had dark hair and green eyes. And we ended up being really cool. Yeah, dark hair and green eyes.
It's like a witch thing. Yeah, it's a witch thing. And so she was cool, but she was kind of like evil towards men and I was always a little confused by it. And the reason we stopped living together is because one day I woke up and the hallway light was on and I heard her.
I was a light sleep person. So I could hear her opening the front door. I heard her open the front door. It's like 3 a.m.
And then she came into the hallway. The light was on and she cracked the door to my room. Like I heard and the reason I woke up is because I heard the door not moving slowly, which normally a roommate would just walk in and check on you. But she was like making it like, you know, you're trying not to make a sound.
Yeah. And then I heard it go like, and I look and in the hallway and all I could see where her green eyes like, and she was staring at me. Did she blow like, no, she was just staring at me and I watched her for like 10 seconds and she was watching me and I got so uncomfortable that I started staring like I was waking up and she went, oh, sorry. I was just saying if you were waking up.
Wow. She wasn't watching me. If you're going to run that kind of shit, you got to keep a can of WD-40 around. I mean, if you're going to be creeping up on people, at least take care of the doors.
You can't let the doors creak. Yeah, which is like WD-40. If you spray it on and they're like, I'm like bad. So this time I was dating my ex, the one we were talking about earlier.
Wake up. Yes. No, no, before smelly balls. The ex, you know.
Got five for shit, but a great guy. And I told him about it. And this was when we were long distance still and I was like, I swear to God, I woke up and she was staring at me and he was like, she was probably not. You were in the middle of sleeping.
He kind of like blew it off. And then we were sleeping in the middle of the night at 3.30 AM. We wake up and she's standing over us. Oh, standing over us, staring.
And he goes like, yeah, she was quiet. And then I moved out the next week. And then when we caught her, she was like, oh, sorry, I just came in the room to have a stomach cake and I was just sitting here. And I met as a, yeah, she was just staring at me and it was really weird.
And then she also admitted she liked to kill animals and she was little for fun. She would squeeze hamsters to death. And then yeah, she was really crazy. Respect the signs were there.
Yeah, the signs were there. So then I was like, I'm moving out, right? I moved out the next week. I'm out of here.
And then probably like two years later, I did psychedelics and then it did like a meditative thing. Yeah, she went into this like visual where I was in the 1500s and I was a blonde girl with curly hair and I was getting married to the man of my dreams. And while I was saying I do, she, no, he was white. We were rich.
And I was like getting married to this royal family. And she was in the back of the wedding. And it was like from her point of view and she was just seething watching me. And then that night she'd stabbed me in the head and killed me.
And that was the dream I had while I was meditating. It was, it was a girl with green eyes and dark hair. And the first person I thought it was her. And I was like, what if that was her in another lifetime and she's been haunting me for centuries?
Because it was. You think so? Yeah. I feel like these days when you feel like something is something it's because it is.
You don't think somebody's high and they're not supposed to be? It's because they are. And you feel like you're tricking yourself. Yeah, because you don't want to face it.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I saw her a couple of weeks ago for the first time since I've moved out and it was really scary and my new boyfriend. Yeah.
And my new boyfriend knew nothing about it. And she came up and hugged me and I was like a little stiff and she had like this whole monologue where she cried. And she was like, that girl, I don't know what your history was her but I had a horrible feeling while she was hugging you. Yeah.
And he's not even like into that shit and into like the weird juju stories or whatever. She's not going to watch this. Everybody watches this. Michael.
Oh, she might. You're fucking hungry. She might. Listen, I'm ready to take her on.
I feel like she's over in a conversation with her about hey it's not working on his roommates because you're evil and scary. You can't say that. What are you crazy? No, I kind of literally just kind of left in silence.
We had a weird it was like a weird tension thing about the right one time. Yeah. That's scary. Yeah.
And then she. You don't have a witch off with a witch. And anyway, we should all move out. Yeah.
I think she also wanted to have sex with me. But I think that was part of it. I mean, that's the pragmatic theory here, obviously, that she had some weird obsession with you and was super jealous you had a dude. Which is crazy because she was like, so beautiful.
Yeah. She was so beautiful. And then she was like, yeah, I was like when I. Spell.
They're not that hot cause they're ugly on the inside. Yeah. It's like Tess bad cause they put a spell on you. They're right.
She's actually like, 600 years old. Yeah. I mean, there's that way. There's those Michael.
Look, sometimes tales are told and people take the legitimate like, like a really real, Yeah, like Mary had sex. Right. and not get boned. I mean she had a baby with that, she got boned.
They're like something must have happened in the air. Yeah, it's not me caming you, that's what happened. Yeah. The story is like, she was innocent.
You know, they're just living too far with the innocent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the same with this. It's like, it's just a witch.
She's actually at 900 years old. No, she's ugly. Yeah. And that's how the story gets exaggerated over time.
It's like this chick's really hot, she's got a spell on you, and you see her as incredibly attractive. Sometimes I've been to level people where my friends are like, what the hell? What do you mean with the hell? She's smoking.
And then later on I go, right. Should pick. Do you ever have that? Where's somebody?
It's not like, oh, they let themselves go, or they change their hair color or something, where you're like super into somebody, and then you're trying to arrange this. And then you manage to see them again like three months later, and you're like, that's almost not even the same person. What the hell was in them last time? Yes.
Dude, yeah. I had a boyfriend that got real. Not good. After I broke up with him, I said, what was I thinking?
Oh, right. But you don't think he objectively changed? No, he did. Oh, that's what I was thinking.
Yeah. Yeah, I thought this one time, this girl that I was in love with, she was looking out of the balcony, and I noticed that her ear was real big and pointy. And I was like, wow, that's not real. And then when she turned around, it disappeared.
And I was like, what was that? And then many years later, I was like, oh, that was real. She does have big ears. Pointy.
So the whole time. There was a magic thing in there. She just said, Jack, I think, here's the director guy. Yeah.
I don't know what movie you were referring to. But the twist was that you didn't imagine that. Yeah. It was real.
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That is better help. H-E-L-P dot com slash L is. L is. One time, my friend told me this.
This is a fucked up story. This is actually, I thought about this in the middle of the night. The other night, the other night, and it really freaked me out. And he was dating this girl that was kind of religious for a little bit.
And then he was at her house having dinner with her. Or before they were having dinner, she was working on her computer. And he said he was in another room watching her. And he said she was working on her computer.
And she stopped. And she looked. And he said that there was a black orb, like a little tiny, look like a black speck. And he saw her staring at it.
And it got bigger and bigger. And it was whirling. And it landed on her desk. And he stared at him.
And he looked at her. And he goes, what was that? And she was like, what? And he was like, what was that thing?
And she was like, nothing. And then he was like, I saw something floating by your desk. And I saw you looking at it. She was like, I don't see anything.
And it fucking bothered me because I legitimately saw it. And I was wondering if I was going crazy. So they were eating dinner. An hour later, they were sitting at the table.
And he brought it up again. He was like, what was that thing? And she was like, I don't know what you're talking about. He was like, when you were by the computer, there was a little black dog.
And it was floating around you. What was that? And she goes, I don't know. And he goes, please.
And she goes, I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, that's awesome. And he was in the military for years. And he was like, I have never been more scared in my life.
He said her voice was really soft normally. And it got really deep and crazy. And then she just stared. And then he was like, I was so scared that I quietly finished dinner and still stayed the night.
I was scared to actually physically leave after that. Yeah, sure. And I had to play it off like that didn't happen. And she went back to normal.
And then he never saw her again after that. Are you one of these people? I don't mean this in a negative way. There's lots of weird magic stuff happen in your environment.
No, I mean, I hear a lot of stories from people. And I take them. And then I repeat them. Because I think they're interesting.
Sure. No. My aunt claims she's a psychic. And then it goes up to nipple once.
That's hot. Yeah, she said it goes up to nipple once. And I'm telling her. It goes there.
It goes there. She said she thinks it was a guy ghost. And he said she saw a shadow in the ceiling and followed it. And then it slammed onto her chest.
And her nipple started moving. Girl ghost, bite nipples. Guy ghost, son. Yeah.
Yeah. I think I'd be able to tell the difference. It's like Lori Holes. Yeah.
You can tell. You know. Yeah. I just read about some Zoom monkey got pregnant.
They thought it was a. Zoom monkey? A zoo. A zoo.
Oh. Yeah. Yeah. They thought it was like a Mary type Bible situation.
Yeah. He snuck in. Well, not exactly. See, because there have been some other instances one of which we talked about recently, where there's animals that shouldn't be able to reproduce sexually, but if they're in confinement for long enough, like weird stuff can happen that just see Holes can make their own baby.
Exactly. There's animals that can do that in like a crisis situation. But in this case, they just found a hole in the enclosure. Yeah.
And some dude monkey totally. Glory holder. Yeah. Well, that's not really Glory holder.
She glory hold him. Well, she had a sticker pussy up there. A little slut, too. Kim, you got it.
Very slightly. Yeah, a little slutty horny monkey. Yeah. Yeah.
We all sometimes. Yeah. Sure. Relatable.
But I told you about that time. By the time you know. The first time I ever did coke was I used to work in a coffee shop in New York. And there was this guy there.
And I knew at least he claimed that he had money and was just sort of working for the hell of it. And he was in a relationship with a guy that was older than him. But I mean, old in those days, I think one was like 23 and one was 30. Right.
And we were talking about coke. And he was like, well, you know, it's kind of a crazy drug. If you're legitimately interested in trying it, you should try it with somebody. Don't just go by it up the street.
Somebody who's done it before. So I'm like, hell yeah, I'm coming to your house. Let's do coke. And I went over.
And they had a really nice apartment. Clearly, there was some money going on there. But first time I've ever done, it wasn't an insane amount. It wasn't like thrown fistfuls around.
It was like little lines and. Classic coke. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Classy like adult coke.
We were like by Carnegie Hall, you know, and all of a sudden the guy that I know is like looking at his boyfriend older, dude, and he's like, should we? Do you think we should like tell him? And I'm like, tell me what? And they had kind of, he told me that their story as a couple, their couple story was that they had moved to New York from, I don't say like Cleveland or something, because they had a revelation that the apocalypse was coming and that they were incarnations of like angels.
Show what you mean. That we're going to like sit in. Fuck now. Sit in judgment of like the saved and the damned when the shit went down.
But there was supposed to be a council of like eight of them. So they were looking for the other ones and they had just decided that I was one of them. Oh my god. Is that your wrong?
They were wrong. That was definitely the coke. It was definitely the coke. But they for sure had that.
Like that was something that they talked about frequently, even when they weren't on coke. I have no doubt. That's weird. We weren't, we weren't all coke.
We weren't all coke out. There's for sure a difference. Right. Right.
And then I like, you're like, they believed it legitimately. And then I stayed, well, I'll go further. I stayed there that night because that was the plan. They're like, don't I even, I'm one.
I was like, I think I'm OK. Like I did like two little lines. I was like, guys, they're like, no, you're like more fucked up than you realize. I'm like, OK.
Oh, they wanted to threes. Maybe nobody ever made any sort of move like that. But I did stay over. And the next morning when I woke up, they're like, look, we know that we threw something really crazy at you last night.
We believe it. But we're not putting any pressure on you. But it sounds stupid. They're like, look, there actually is some like historical justification for what we're saying.
And they gave me books, like not Dianetics, but like something on that level of seriousness, where they're like, read this has actually been like prophesied. Take these books home and read them and let us know if you're interested in judging. You could have easily became one of the angels of judgment. It might not be too late.
No, maybe you are. Maybe I am. You know, when I was telling my Juju stories, I felt pretty angel judged over there. Well, sorry.
I just not even aware of my own power. So I would love to start a mega church. That would be sick. Yeah, I don't seem that hard.
No. Yeah, I don't want to pay taxes. Yeah, same. I might be into that.
Same. I want a bunch of morons to buy me a plane. So I could definitely preach. I want to take 10% of everyone's paycheck.
Tied. Wait, you get to do that? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, you have to give your paycheck to God if you go to church sometimes because. Oh, no, that's just some churches. That's a lot of churches. A lot of churches.
Yeah, a lot of churches you give. Okay, so here's the deal. Here's the guy that got if you don't know that. I'll tell you the truth.
I believe it is in the Bible somewhere the concept of tithing, which is giving 10% your money to the church. What a scam. Different sex of Christianity. Take it way more seriously than other ones.
I promise you, anybody that likes money is taking it seriously. Nobody's going to show a little steam for sure, right? Maybe. Like if you go to the Catholic church, they'll give you the little pamphlets like, you know, God, God, God for say that he would like 10% of your money.
And you're like, yeah, here's five bucks. And they're like, yeah, you're cool. But then there's other churches where it's like, it's a prosperity thing. The more money you're giving them, the more like the more you give back.
What do they give you back? Nothing. They give you the promise that God's going to give you more because you're giving. But that that's that doesn't add up.
You give money so that you get money. We didn't have a lot of money growing up and we would go to church on holidays. And one Christmas, my stepdad's mom bought him brand new shoes and he hadn't had new shoes and so long. And we went to church that morning and the church pressured every single person to take off their shoes and donate them.
No. And my stepdad was like, didn't want to. He had just gotten these comfortable shoes and he wanted them so bad and he left them at the church. Oh, sucker.
And I was like, why? He's like, everybody else is doing it. I'm like, fuck everyone else. Everyone else can afford Jews.
Yeah. And then you just get pressured and you're a poor person. That's how it goes with your paycheck too. Right.
The value we all put on saving face and keeping up the chances. Yeah. And then it's like the community's there and it's your neighborhood. And they know you're the only family that didn't.
It's like weird and open pressure. It's so fucked up. My, um, it's a give love, not money. I know.
I know. You know, it's not about giving somebody money. Turns out that it runs off. You know, I always say, though, because I grew up in a religious family and there's some people who do it kind of the right way in my family.
How much of it can be blamed on God and how much people? I'm not blaming God. It's people taking advantage of the fact that like they, that people believe in God. Exactly.
There's just a lot of people. Because I believe there is a God. It is something he wants your money. Yeah.
I think as soon as you add that, that's when it's super easy to tell that it's not what he want with it. Right. He's not here. Yeah.
He could make more turns out. He could make infinite money for himself if he needed it. Right. There's like a bit more Bitcoin.
He doesn't have a rose bud cheat code for the Sims. He doesn't eat. Yeah. He has no stomach.
It's stupid. He doesn't like tacos or nothing. He just floats around like making things. How do you know he could be up there eating a taco right now?