Numbing the Pain: Unfinished Grief and Recovery

Ryan’s story is a powerful journey through early substance use, deep loss, incarceration, and ultimately finding real recovery. From growing up seeking acceptance, to losing his closest friend at 16, to years of cycling between numbness and despair, Ryan opens up about the turning points that shifted his life. He reflects on the moment he almost gave up, how connection inside prison planted the first seeds of recovery, and how service, honesty, and community helped him rebuild his life. Today, with six months in recovery, a thriving small business, and strong family relationships, Ryan talks about healing, purpose, and the simple daily actions that keep him grounded. His message to anyone struggling: you’re not alone, and recovery is absolutely possible.00:00 – Intro & Recovery Dates00:52 – How They First Met01:19 – Reuniting Inside AA Meetings02:07 – Ryan’s Childhood03:26 – Meeting the Friend Who Shaped Everything04:00 – First Time Trying to “Feel Something”05:00 – Becoming the “Go-To” Guy05:36 – The Night Everything Changed07:27 – Grief He Never Faced08:30 – Homeless at 1809:30 – Crossing Lines & Getting Arrested10:19 – “Recovery Curious”12:43 – Hearing the 15-Year Offer14:17 – The Serenity Prayer Moment16:05 – Tier 4 Program & Real Change17:15 – Coming Home With Purpose18:44 – Finding Community Again19:58 – Being Around Recovery vs. In Recovery21:42 – Substitution & Spiraling22:28 – Losing Himself Again23:08 – New Year’s at His Friend’s Grave24:21 – Choosing Recovery For Real25:00 – Returning to CCAR25:46 – Life in Recovery Today26:43 – Rebuilding Family Bonds27:27 – Growing His Landscaping Business28:20 – Daily Program & Service28:59 – “If I Can Do It, Anyone Can”29:25 – Advice for the First 24 Hours ----Across the Web----🌎 CCAR Website https://www.ccar.us✉️ Donate: https://ccar.us/donate/🎙Recovery Matters Podcast (Apple Music): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...🎙Recovery Matters Podcast (Spotify): https://open.spotify.com/show/1wGUMMO...🗣Recovery Matters Podcast TikTokhttps://www.tiktok.com/@recoverymatterspodcast?🗣Recovery Matters Podcast Instagram https://www.instagram.com/recoverymatterspodcast/🗣CCAR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CCAR4Recovery📸CCAR Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ccar4recovery🐦CCAR Twitter: https://twitter.com/ccar4recovery