Obligations are not true
from Derek Sivers podcast
Family, friends, colleagues, and communities put social pressure on you to do what they want you to do. They say it’s your obligation or your duty. But those terms are social expectations. They’re not real. They’re not even universal. They’re just one way to see the situation. The people saying it’s your obligation really just want you to do something. But instead of saying “I want,” they blame a higher legitimacy. It’s manipulative. They say their wishes are laws you must obey. But if they didn’t personally want you to do it, they would have said, “Don’t worry about it.” Some people say their feelings are your problem. But that’s ridiculous. You can’t control people’s feelings. They are able to choose their response. (The word “responsible” comes from response-able.) Everyone has their own problems. To know whose problem it is, think who benefits most from solving it. The boss says you need to work late. But that indicates a flaw in the company’s system, which is their problem, not yours. Maybe working late would ultimately harm the company by keeping them from finding a more sustainable solution. Parents say, “You need to take care of us when we’re old.” But maybe we all need to prepare for our own future care instead of burdening others with it. They might say you’re a bad person for not doing what they want you to do. But that’s not true. Maybe they’re just disappointed that you’re not taking their wish as your command.
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