Give me all your raw impressions, your thoughts, your words, your time. So, mini music Monday is done. Let's talk about the real thing, the real stuff that you've been thinking about. Oh, so many, yeah, we're still here.
Mini music Monday is done, but we're still talking. We're still talking. Okay. Okay.
Look at us. Listen to us. Look at how raw and crazy we are. So while there was just, I know I had, I actually had three things to mention, but I'll mention two.
And that is that y'all listened last week and you know that we had a bat. Okay. And I had a bat while Lou was gone on tour and just the other night, today is Sunday. And that's like the Californian.
It's just, yeah. It's like our funny. Accent to California accent. You going on tour?
Going on tour. So Friday night, my voice is all fucked up. You hear this? Sounds fucking good.
What's happening? I can't wait for you to talk about that pole vault here. So basically Friday, just two nights ago, it feels like longer than that, but two nights ago we came home from dinner. We were out to dinner with all of our family, Lou's family.
And Izzy went to watch some TV in the living room. Maybe she was watching Descendants. I don't know what she was watching. Who cares?
I don't know. Something, something. But you went into the kitchen and then I went upstairs to the bedroom. I was just really tired and I'm like, oh, I just want to go to bed.
And so I was laying in bed, but sort of zone and out, not asleep, had my light on. Maybe been there for like, I don't know, 20 minutes or so. And all of a sudden I heard Izzy screaming downstairs. And I was like, what the fuck's going on?
And I'll just say this, it can be kind of hard to tell when Izzy screams. If it's like, you know, something you really have to be scared of or whatever. She's a loud kid. Right.
So her initial scream, you had that thought too, because I had that thought. I'm like, yeah, real or not. Right. Exactly.
That can be tricky. Anyone who has a loud kid knows exactly what I'm talking about. You're like trying to hear the nuance of it. You're like, is this a bad scream?
So, but then all of a sudden I heard her like storming up the stairs and I still was kind of like, this could be literally anything. And, but she goes like jumping into her bed next to me and says like, Oh, mom, there's a path. There's a bat flying around down there. And I was like, I think I was so confused because we just had this bat and rocky our back eyes, you know, came to save the day, said that it, you know, we probably won't see a bat again for a while.
Why would we? I mean, why wouldn't we? But there are bats in the home. I don't know.
Let's be friends. We're not kind. So yeah, multitudes turns out turns out, Izzy was right. And like seconds after she says, mom, mom is a bat and I'm sitting there like quietly going like, really?
Are you sure? And I kept saying like, where's dad? Where's Lou? What's going on?
And trying to like wrap my head around and all of a sudden this bat comes like flapping its wings into the bedroom like after Izzy and fucking does a loop around our bed doing the circle doing the crazy, like, you know, psycho dance and Izzy both scream at the top of our lungs and like throw the covers over her head. We're both like two little girls underneath the bed just like, I'm like, look at the fire. And then I was like, where has he got? Damn it.
And you took a little longer than I expected. Can I tell my my side of this? Okay. So at first I heard Izzy yell and I'm like, realer memory.
I didn't know. I was like, is this, you know, what is this? Is this like? Yeah.
And then I heard. So let me preface this by saying. And you never saw the bat downstairs. I was in the kitchen.
Okay. And we had just been out to the dinner that you described. Yes. The 30th anniversary of my, my, my brother-in-law and my sister.
Yeah. Who I wrote this on tree for them. Yes. You know, I played it out there wedding 30 years ago.
Yes. Wow. So, but we had some wine at dinner. And it was, I was feeling, I was feeling a bit of a warm embrace from the wine and the meal.
I was, I was feeling a bit of a bit of like just that kind of low level euphoria. I'm not going to say we party, but we enjoyed our dinner out. We did. And so sometimes when I, when I do, when I do drink, I'm going to drink a bit.
That's when I like to watch like things. I'm like, Hey, I, I've never watched this on Instagram. I've always wanted to go down this rabbit. I like to go down rabbit holes when I'm a little buzzed.
You know, that's true. You are a total rabbit hole buzzed. Yeah. So, um, it doesn't happen a lot.
I mean, there's a lot of things that I see. I'm like, I'd like to see more of that. I never go. I never go there.
Never, I'm usually, we got a lot to do. A little life here. We're not drunk all the time. I don't have a hammer all the time.
And, um, so, uh, I was, I was at the kitchen on my phone and I started to watch video. I wanted to watch, there's this guy, Dave Hill, and he's all over Instagram, constant poster and he's pretty funny. Uh huh. And I don't know what he does.
I get the, I know he's a comedian, but I've never seen his routine. I've never seen his show, but he like pops up so much in my Instagram and he's so charismatic. And he's actually commented on one of my things once. Oh, no.
And he seems familiar to me. It's like, have I met this guy before? He seems so familiar to me. Uh huh.
I don't know why he's from Cleveland. He's watching his. So I was like, Hey, I'm a little buzzed. I'm ready to, I'm ready to not waste time.
Dave, you and me. I was like, I was ready. Because I was even dreaming about this guy. His Instagram is so pervasive that I was starting to dream about this guy.
I'm like, I'm going to show up in my feed now. I don't know. So I'm like, I'm like, I'll follow him now after those clips you showed me. He's funny.
No, that's not Dave Hill. That's another guy. Oh, that's another stand up comedian. Sorry.
That's Pete somebody homes. I don't know. He was also funny. Okay.
I guess I don't know who he is. Anyway, Dave Hill plays guitar. He plays like really wailing Eddie Van Halen has guitar and he does a comedy routine. He rides like a BMX bike on stage.
Okay. The whole thing bicycle motocross. I'm like, oh, he's got a whole thing that I kind of relate to. He must be kind of in my pocket.
But I've never seen him do what he does. I only see his Instagram. So I'm like, oh, this is my time to do a little bit of a Dave Hill deep dive. So I started to watch an actual special with him.
And I'm like, oh, that's what you're doing. So I'm watching that. So I heard the screen. I'm like, real screen, and not real screen.
Then I heard another screen, which was your screen. And I'm like, that and it did it. It tweaked me a little bit. It sounded like a real screen.
And then I was like, I felt myself moving, but I was still like, well, I mean, this is it. This is my Dave Hill time. I may never watch his routine again. I was like, do I pull myself away from his routine, even though my wife just screamed, and it did sound like a serious scream, but there was there was no real.
There was no scream that followed that. I think I was in sheer terror over the flapping black bat swirling. Well, they're just wasn't the emergency tone that I would be expecting in a real emergency. I thought it was going to bite me.
OK, well, all right. So I'll get to that in a second. So I did hesitate. Yes, you did.
And it was not for a long time, folks. It was like for 10 seconds, but those are 10 long seconds. I could be dead. One, two, that's 10 long seconds.
Too long. So then the screams immediately subsided. And then the last scream that I heard definitely sounded not too serious, not too serious. It just didn't.
It was. But I was like, OK, time to put time to put Dave down. Dave Hill down and put my phone on the table. And then I was like, well, I better run because I want to seem like I'm running.
I want to enter the room somewhat out of. Wow. No, he's like, I better really. I better enter the room.
I always seem like I care. I'm going to start running. Now I'm going to run. I want to enter the room somewhat.
Puff and puff and look. I want to look. I want to enter the room out of breath. Oh, nice.
My hands. You did exactly that. So but the other thing that did not happen when I heard the screaming is the thud. Usually if something really bad has happened, there's a thud.
That's gross. It's like it's like it's it's it's the weight of a body hitting a floor. OK, it's a sharp scream. And if you've hurt yourself physically, those screams will continue.
The screams had stopped. So I am registering this as not a physical. This is not a physical injury. It's something else.
And it's not and it wasn't. Did you think is it about? No, I didn't at all. So I go into the room.
Y'all I go into our bedroom. Izzy and Adele are under the covers. And of course, there's a bat circling doing the corner circle because they decided to circle the room and I'm like, well, it's a bat. And it's like, and then she's like, it's huge.
And I'm like, that's not that huge. It's huge. So this is I'd like to point out again, this is my third bat encounter in my life. Well, that's wingspan.
The little bodies are tiny. So wingspan was not small. So so there's a bat circling. The bat goes out of the room.
I followed the bat out of the room. I run downstairs because circling around. I turn off the fan in the hallway because I didn't want to get bumped by the fan. I don't know.
Although they're so smart, those bats. They live this. And so I ran downstairs. I got myself the broom, ran back upstairs and started, I don't know, like trying to usher it toward something and it went into Hendricks' room, which is great.
Which is great because he happened to be a grandmas house. Why is he not that? The boy is not home. The 14 year old is out of the house.
I think I know. He's not slumped on his little couch with looking at his phone like he would be, which would have been interesting. But interesting. What interesting to see what his reaction would be that he was like, you know, like, you know, I'm a little brave when I can come to wildlife stuff.
I can't be so yes, the bat entered Hendricks' room and then you entered the room. People walking into my yard. I'm not cool with that. That makes me freak out.
But a bat in my house, you know what I'm talking about. But I did not handle that well. It's OK. Pandemic vibes.
So anyway, so back as an Henichus room, I go get the I shut the door. Oh my God, there it is. It's in there. It's in the room.
And I go downstairs and I grab a broom. His room also, I'd like to just interject and say is actually the best room for the bat to go into because it has one of the easiest windows for us to open. Oh, yeah. And there's no screen.
There's no screen. It's just a big ass window. We have one thing I absolutely love about our house that we do have that really just pleases me deeply. Your ego, huh, loves you.
No, no, no. Apparently it's my can Syrian spirit. People, cancers like big furniture and big, big things, big things to make us feel more comfortable and stable. OK, so this is because you're a cancer.
I'm not. Yeah, I'm not. Interesting. Nothing to do through ego.
No, OK. Ah, security. It's your soul. It's my soul.
Got it. Security. I want to be. I want to be.
I don't know how to buy big things. I'd like to also say I'm not a huge zodiac. I'm just bringing this up now because it's something that just drops in. It conveniently drops in.
Yeah. Conveniently. I like it. I like how it works with this.
It works because it's not me. I don't need I don't need bigness and I don't need those things to prove anything to anybody. I just like them. So anyway, we have these.
So I go back up. Big windows. I go back. We do go back upstairs with big fucked up windows.
They're fucked. Anyway, so we're upstairs with the broom. Go back into the room. Bats doing its circle.
Then it's landing in one particular corner of one particular tree. On the curtain. Yeah, curtain run. And then we'd go there and then I'd be like, move.
And I went right over to the window opened up the big ass fucking window with no screen. Bam up. You know, huge area. Open to the night sky.
Huge area for this bat to go. I have to say you handled this and maybe it is because you we shared like a bottle of wine at dinner. You were way cooler and calmer about the bat than you were when we had a bat in our home when we first moved in 10 years ago. You were like having a full on panic attack over that bat.
I don't know if you recall, but you literally put on like a hockey helmet and like a snow suit. And you were freaking the fuck out. But it's fine. That was the middle of the night.
It was the middle of the night. You were woken up out of a slumber. It was like 2 a.m. Could have been compromised.
Anyway, I'm just saying that you handled it. You were like, you were like, is he never losing or got damaged. Well, you know, when I feel that kind of like, is he never triggered because this is our second bat now? Yeah, well, you know, I've had a lot of weeks or something.
You know, like, yeah, the other one happened before, is he, right? Yes. That was like a first move here. Yes.
I was a different person. I've had I've got eight years of parenting more years of parenting underneath that. I'm like, dad, I'm like, I've got like my my guy ever kind of skills are there. This is nice to think.
Oh, see people can change. People can change. You know, I'm not totally self involved. I do want to protect the I do want to protect my family.
Yeah, you can come running up looking like, Hey, I know how to look like I care. I'm one of the greatest skills. That's a good thing. That's a good thing.
That's a good thing. What's going on here? No, I wasn't masturbating five minutes, five seconds ago. I'm here.
I'm fully present. You know, raw. So anyway, so I was like, no, I wasn't masturbating. I was watching Dave Hill.
So, and so I. That's eyeball masturbation. It was. It is, you know, which somehow I find more anyway, that's more of wasted time.
I think you know, masturbation is that's productive. That's productive. Yeah, self care. It is, it's self care, wellness.
Yeah. So, so deeply on our wellness journey. So I go back, I'm in the room with the, the room and then I'm like, well, looks like I got to grab the bat because it's not settling down. It's swooping.
I don't want to, I don't want to like, swat the bat out of it. I don't want to, I don't want to, on the floor like with a broken wing. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that.
Because they do make that crazy sound when they're in distress. So I go downstairs, I shut the door, go downstairs, grab a big leather glove. I'm thinking, I can grab the bat. Just like Rocky.
Just like Rocky. I mean, yeah. I mean, but yeah, I get the bat, I open the door and the bat's gone. Yeah.
I was in there freaking it out and throwing all of my. Feel that weirdo left. Just clouding its little sonar landscape with my, my sweaty, slightly buzzed presence. You know, it was able to like, oh, look, there's a window and it flew off into the night.
Yeah. Because then I bang the, you know, I do, I do fleebanged all the parts, but I felt, you know, what's interesting is I'm developing the skills I grow older. When I step into a room, I think I have an extra sensory perception. I can walk into a room and go, is there a human in this room?
I can feel it because is he like to play hide and seek love. I can enter room and go like, I know her little presence is not here. I feel like I could feel I walked into the room and I was like, yeah, the bad is no longer here. I felt it too.
I was like, the bad energy is gone. The bad energy is gone. The vibe is changed. The vibe is changed.
Yeah. The environment has shifted. Yeah. I will say I'm, I had a really horrible dream that night that a bat landed on us in the but is he slept a wedge between us, which doesn't actually happen very often because it's, it's not the most comfortable thing.
And, uh, but she, I was, you know, it was kind of tender. She actually held on to me. She clung to me. Clung to you like a bat to a curtain rod.
Yeah. Yeah. She left side of a curtain rod. Is she really held on to me so tight?
And I remember thinking like, just just hold her and just reassure her and kiss her little head all night long. And that's what I did. And I slept terribly and I dreamed of a bat landing on me in the bed and that was like three feet long. You know what I mean?
I dreamed of this like extraordinarily large bat and then I screamed, oh, it's telling me. And then you woke up because I woke you up. I was screaming in your sleep. Yeah.
I woke you up. I always feel like a bit of a hero when I wake you up. I wake up. I know I actually, I actually, it's my real life beckons.
Real life beckons because I can kind of tell that you feel a little bit like I'm saving the day. When you wake me up from a bad dream. Saving the night. Yeah.
Look at me. She knows what I'm doing. Look at, I've just helped her from this terrible place. Being, being awoken, being woke up, awakening from a nightmare is a huge relief.
This is going to be like an hour long episode. And I just want to say afterward, so I had this like scary dream which I did not tell Izzy about the next day. But so the next morning Izzy woke up and I said, how are you feeling? You know, like, that was kind of a wild night.
And she said, I dreamed to mom, I dreamed it. I saw a bat and it was on a curtain and it was wearing a little bitches hat. And it just looked at me and it said, hi human. I'm actually scared of you.
And then she said it made her feel better. And she said, mom, the bats just afraid of us. So she did actually. Her brain did the work.
Because I told her all that before we went to sleep. I was like, bats are, look bats are, and she's like, daddy shut up. I'm on a tear trip right now. None of your words mean anything to me.
Yeah. You know, shut up. But you know, the more you say, the less I know daddy. That's what she was saying to me.
But she went to sleep. She went to sleep in my words. They, they, they sept. Not to discredit those beautiful words, but Rocky also said them to her.
Abby also said them to her. She's been hearing that message. And you and father, great, your father came. Save the day.
The father got the bat out. Save the day and gave her words of wisdom, which then translated into an adorable little drink for her that reassured her. So I think it's funny that the bat was wearing a witch's hat in her dream. That's so cute.
I can't even. That's so funny. So let's move on quickly. Yeah, we survived the second bat.
You really want to talk about it. No, I don't really want to talk about it. I just wanted to mention just that because it's very topical. This is a topical topic.
Yes, the Olympics, y'all. I got a peacock subscription so I can watch it like as much as I want. And in addition to that, everyone is all over the internet posting great videos. I just thought of something funny.
That I have used, a term that I've used for the Olympics before. The Olympics. Well, that really, the Olympics. The Olympics.
Well, that guy's really feeling it because there was an amazing pole vaulter dude who, his junk literally kept him from winning a medal. He pole vaulted over the thing and his huge dick got like hung up on the pole and like basically knocked him off and he fell. Anyway, the internet is a buzz. And I think that there's probably a variety of people.
I mean, I feel bad for the guy because he's probably obviously bummed. He didn't go to the Olympics to have his dick like derail him. I hear that people with really large penises. Actually, they're very self-conscious of them.
Like it's hard. Life is actually hard. Like to me, I'm like, boy, I wish I was like, I wish I was like, which I had that kind of heft in my pants. I do, I just get a little jealous.
When there's like this gravity to just even seeing it. It's truly amazing. I mean, he truly like literally was packing. It's just it's monstrous.
He has like an enormous package. Now, and we watched the video together of his dick derailing him from his Olympic dream. My question is, would that turn a woman on? That kind of thing, which would be like, oh, like, oh, you have just that deep like, oh.
You know, I'm not going to lie. It wasn't intriguing. I was like, wow, dude, what is my goodness? So, I mean, I would look at that.
It made me curious. I was like, I'd like to see him naked. And that's so bad because I'm like objectifying him because his dick stopped him from winning a lot. I'm like, listen, I respect you, sir.
I don't know your name. So that might sound like I don't respect you, but I do. I'm just simply chatting on Ron Prussians here on my little podcast. And I'm just saying that you are very talented and I would also like to see you naked.
Wow. Is that okay? I'm just curious. Like, wow, when I think I feel such there's such a sense of relief that I feel when when a woman objectifies a man, I feel like a bit of a relief in that doesn't happen enough.
So it doesn't happen. I'm just saying objectifying people. I'm not the goal. No, I mean, but as a, you know, I mean, I've.
I'm appreciating. Okay. Appreciate her. Let's say that.
I'm appreciating. I like that. I like that shift. Yeah.
Appreciating. And I'm also, I'm not limiting him to just his package. I understand he's very talented. I mean, he's at the Olympics.
My gun. So, you know, he got there. He's doing great. I just don't know.
I just add one thing to this. What did you feel when you saw that? We're like, you're cut. Well, like I said, you know, when you could really see that when he starts to swing down and you're like, oh, there's the, there's the schlong.
There's the meat and two veg. As they say in England, you just, you're like, whoa, there it is. And like, that's big. And like, that's much bigger than me.
It just is. And then what I think of is like, how can you even, I mean, like he's practically like, got a, you know, like a soft on. I mean, like what, what do you call it? A chub.
Like he's basically performing with a chub. But but to me, because it's like, if I was performing and this is what happens, my, my genitals retreat. It becomes very, very, very small. And even my, my balls retreat into the cavity.
Like if I was doing that, like I, as sort of, as you know, it's kind of, I'm comfortable with myself. Yes. I'm very comfortable with myself. Yes.
You like being naked. But I really don't. And this is also reassuring to me because I grew up feeling like there was something possibly wrong with me. And certainly because of my religious upbringing, I thought that there was something like, you know, go to hellish kind of like my comfort with my own body.
I thought it was like sort of like, there's a lot of shaming. There's a lot of, there was just, there just was. Yes. And I felt a little bit like, eh, this could be my downfall, you know, that this is, this is a dark, dark sinful path.
That's so sad. I mean, you know, you know, I think as I realized and when I was realizing with that, it's like, I would be completely like, you know, I would not, I would be just wrong with my dick. I mean, like, you know, I think when I'm like normally comfortable or whatever, there's, you know, I've got a, there's a presence down there. Sure.
There's a presence. Absolutely. I mean, I went somewhere and sweatpants or something. You know, it's like, hey, you know, yes.
Yeah. So, but that, you know, you're like, wow. No man, I was like, you can't even like tape it down or something. Yeah.
I mean, it's like, you wouldn't want to because it's got to be comfortable. Right. And then you showed me the fucking swimmer with like the big package. I'm like, damn.
And I, you know, I do, I just do feel jealous or do you feel jealous? I do feel jealous. I do feel jealous. Like, I'd be really proud of that.
Although see, I could say that, but the fact is you don't have it. So you don't know. Yeah. Like, there's a burden with that kind of, with that kind of.
Great power comes great responsibility. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
That's better, man. Anyway, I. Is that a biker, man? I would hope that it's actually from some, some more classic.
Maybe it's from a, I need you to miss it. Some of them will let me know. You're like, I don't know, Spider-Man. Well, that's all I have to share.
Just, yeah, the bat and the penis and the new full conclusion. Yeah. And so, yeah. And thank you all for, if you're still listening, wow.
And thank you for this boner bonus episode. It's extra long, extra wide. Hefty. Hefty, girthy episode.
Engorged. How could, how? How could you be engorged? I'm not saying you was, I'm saying this is episodes engorged.
But you know what I think about like a, you know, hair metal guy. He's just trying to win a, a fucking metal, okay? He's just living his life with this massive patch. Give me all your raw impressions.
Your thoughts, your words, your time.