Oliver Radclyffe & Jerry Portwood: Should I stay or should I go now?

After reading Oliver Radclyffe’s recent post on his Substack, titled “I don’t want to leave,” I knew we had to find some time to chat about the topic. We’d been trying to figure out a way to collaborate for some time now, especially after reading Oliver’s first book, Adult Human Male, and his recent memoir, Frighten the Horses (now available in paperback). So we finally made it happen this Sunday afternoon. I was curious about Oliver’s take about the potential for leaving the country and returning to the U.K., since he has a British passport, after building a life over the past two decades in the U.S. As he wrote: “Would it be morally and ethically reprehensible for me to leave, knowing that I’m one of the few who can?”I also wanted to focus on the some of the moving sections of the memoir that had hit home. I recommend everyone check out the book. It’s an eye-opening look at a late-blooming queer identity from which I think everyone can learn something.In particular, I loved the section in Chapter 7 of Frighten the Horses—which I quoted during our conversation—when Oliver wrote:“I’d pretty much given up on love by the time I’d met Charles. I’d never felt anything close to what the poets wrote about, so I don’t know, I just began to question the authenticity of their descriptions. I assumed the whole notion of romantic love must be nonsense peddled by mentally unstable creative people to make the rest of us feel inadequate. Like it was the equivalent of fashion magazines promoting unattainable body images to teenagers…”At one point, I brought the fact that I grew up in the 1990s knowing I was labeled a criminal. As a teen, I was having gay sex (sodomy) in the state of Georgia with an older man. So it was a double whammy. Knowing one is considered an outlaw from a young age becomes embedded as part of one’s identity. I know it did for me, as well as for many other gay men of my generation or older. That’s one reason they can be envious of younger generations who can express their gender and sexuality so freely. Envy is insidious and can lead to many of the things we’re currently experiencing and is a cause of some of the loss of support in the LGBTQ+ community as a whole.Besides the political parts of our convo, we discussed many other topics, including parenting and the anxiety that most parents feel about the potential of damaging their child in some way. We both agreed that people should subscribe to Erin Reed’s Substack, Erin in the Morning, and become a paid subscriber if you can to support the excellent journalism she is doing. I am always impressed that she is often breaking news before many other better-funded outlets and hope she continues to thrive during this time of uncertainty and unrest.To wrap things up, I asked Oliver for his advice on what anyone can do during this time of uncertainty, and he suggested supporting trans activists at the local level in your area, including protesting if your local health organization is ending its gender affirming care. Plus, consider how you can support the ACLU (they also offer tips and pointers on how to contact and write to your political representatives) and other progressive organizations. Here’s a list of 100 organizations supporting trans people in all 50 states. Sorry for the speed bump in the middle of the conversations (some technical issues caused us to lose contact for a couple minutes, so go ahead and skip that flub and get to the good parts after that bit). Thank you Musings on Interesting Times, Renne Proulx, Dale Corvino, Suzanne, and many others for tuning into my live video with Oliver Radclyffe! Join me for my next live video in the app. Get full access to The Queer Love Project at queerloveproject.substack.com/subscribe