OrEd-T-16.6-Specialness and Guilt-2

OrEd-T-16.6-Specialness and Guilt-250. This "better" self that the ego seeks is always one that is more special. Whoever seems to possess a special self is "loved" for what can be taken from him. Where both partners see this special self in the other, the ego sees "a union made in Heaven." Both will not recognize that they have asked for hell, and they will not interfere with the ego's illusion of Heaven. Yet, all illusions are fearful, and the illusion of Heaven is an "attractive" form of fear, in which the guilt is buried deep and rises as an illusion of "love".51. The appeal of hell is faith in littleness, and the attraction of guilt. The belief in littleness lies in every special relationship, for only the deprived could value specialness. The demand to give and receive specialness as an act of love, would make love hateful. The ego's goal is to destroy reality and substitute illusion. For the ego itself is an illusion, and only other illusions could witness to its "reality". 52. How could I want a special relationship if I perceived it as an attempt to triumph over God? Its fearful nature, the guilt it must entail, the sadness and loneliness, are only attributes of the religion of separation, and attributes of the total context in which this strange religion is believed to occur. This litany to sacrifice is: God must die so I can live. And it is this theme of sacrifice which is acted out in the special relationship. By the death of my self, I attack another, taking the self from the other to replace the self that I despise. And, I despise my self because it does not offer me the specialness which I demand. Being afraid of and hating my self, I have made my self little and unworthy. 53. How could I grant unlimited power to what I think I have attacked? The truth has become so fearful to me that I would not dare to look upon it, unless I believed that the truth is weak, little, and valueless. I made the little self with power I took from truth, triumphing over the truth. This ritual is enacted EXACTLY in the special relationship. An altar is erected between two separate people, on which each seeks to kill his self, and on his body raise another self which takes its power from his death. Over and over and over this ritual is enacted. And it is never completed nor ever will be completed. For the ritual of completion cannot complete, and life arises not from death, nor Heaven from hell.54. Whenever any form of special relationship tempts me to seek for love in ritual, I will remember love is CONTENT and not form of any kind. The special relationship is a ritual of form, aimed at the raising of the form to take the place of God, at the expense of content. There is no meaning in the form, and there will never be meaning in form. I will recognize the special relationship for what it is--a senseless ritual in which strength is extracted from the death of God and invested in His killer as the sign that form has triumphed over content, and love has lost its meaning. Would I want this to be possible, even apart from its evident impossibility? For if it were possible, I would have made myself helpless. God is not angry. He just could not let this happen. I cannot change the Mind of God. 55. No rituals in which the dance of death delights me can bring death to the eternal. The special relationship is a meaningless attempt to worship others gods, obscuring their tininess and God's greatness. What I AM is replaced by every idol that I raise. The idol stands before me in place of what I AM. This is not what I want for my completion. The wholeness of God cannot be influenced at all by my substitution for His wholeness.56. Salvation lies in the simple fact that illusions are not fearful because they are not true. To the extent that I want illusions to be true, I will fail to recognize them for what they are, and perceive them as fearful. And to the same extent that I am denying truth, I am making myself unable to choose between truth and illusion, God and fantasy. If I remember this, I will have no difficulty seeing the decision as nothing more than what it is. 57. The center of the separation delusion is the fantasy around specialness and the destruction of love's meaning. I cannot know myself unless love's meaning is restored to me, because I share love's meaning. The decision not to know myself IS separation. The separation's thought system is a well organized learning experience with the goal of leading me away from truth into fantasy. The decision whether or not to listen to the thought system of this course and follow it, is the decision between truth and illusion. Yet, God offers correction, and complete escape from all the consequences of every learning experience that would hurt me. There is no confusion here, as truth and illusion are clearly separated. 58. This choice becomes simple when the choice is seen as what it is. For only fantasies make confusion in choosing possible, and fantasies are not real. I will cross the bridge into reality because I will recognize that God is there, and He is not in fantasies. This year it is possible to make the natural decision as this is realized.