Our Most Vital Relationship

The way I think about it:

We come into and leave this world accompanied by our souls. While here, one of our tasks is to maintain our connection to that inner wisdom, which guides and nourishes us in a world that otherwise can feel harsh and cold. Our soul doesn’t judge us or try to fix us. It doesn’t need us to be more or do more. Its unconditional love is akin to an adoring dog who only wants us to stop, be present, and see what it sees.

The challenge is the neuronal wiring we develop from cultural inputs that discount this vital relationship with ourselves. We’re trained to project onto others our strengths and even our shadow. We find ourselves disappointed when others can’t carry that weight of our expectations.

If this most vital relationship is neglected, our human connections suffer. Our relationships may feel shallow or intense and dramatic. We’ll resent and blame others unconsciously for losing ourselves. Unaddressed, this comes out in the form of hurting others, or it gets repressed and fuels addiction, a range of symptoms, and chronic health conditions.

Instead of rom-coms about finding the perfect person and living happily ever after, we need more stories about people falling in love with themselves. “I complete me.” The healthiest relationships are between people who honor this need in themselves and each other.

Below is a blessing I print and include in birthday cards to those I love. To me, it speaks to the soul. This week, I share it with myself and with you - in honor of your arrival.

Birthday Blessing

by John O’Donohue (late Irish poet and, I would say, mystic)

If you’d like to hear his lovely voice reading this, listen here at 8:15

“Blessed be the mind that dreamed the dayThe blueprint of your lifeWould begin to glow on earth,Illuminating all the faces and voicesThat would arrive to inviteYour soul to growth.Praised be your father and mother,Who loved you before you were,And trusted to call you hereWith no idea who you would be.Blessed be those who have loved youInto becoming who you were meant to be,Blessed be those who have crossed your lifeWith dark gifts of hurt and lossThat have helped to school your mindIn the art of disappointment.When desolation surrounded you,Blessed be those who looked for youAnd found you, their kind handsUrgent to open a blue windowIn the gray wall formed around you.Blessed be the gifts you never notice,Your health, eyes to behold the world,Thoughts to countenance the unknown,Memory to harvest vanished days,Your heart to feel the world's waves,Your breath to breathe the nourishmentOf distance made intimate by earth.On this echoing-day of your birth,May you open the gift of solitudeIn order to receive your soul;Enter the generosity of silenceTo hear your hidden heart;Know the serenity of stillnessTo be enfolded anewBy the miracle of your being.”

To learn more about the root causes of brain symptoms and the consultations that I offer, visit courtneysnydermd.com

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