Overcoming Complacency in Relationships

As we phase out of childhood and into the first phases of being an adult, most men need to undergo a lot of personal growth. There is a need for a personal deepening, a better understanding of self, that will help us form healthier communication patterns and vastly improve our ability to engage in long-term intimate relationships. This work is an ongoing process, and most men have received feedback at some point or another from their partners, families, and friends about deeply-entrenched habits that they need to change. And yet, men don’t like to change. As a relationship goes on, the need to impress or please our partner falls onto the back burner. We enter a state of sleepiness, where we don't ever let ourselves feel a raw sense of urgency around the things our partners need us to work on. It’s not necessarily that they don’t want to change, or that they don’t understand their partner’s desires. Rather, it’s that there’s no internal drive for men to change themselves. Instead, men fall easily into a state of complacency in relationship. In this episode of The Crux, Ryan and Slade discuss why we find ourselves in this state, and how you can work to restore vitality to your relationship by overcoming your natural tendency towards complacency. Listen to learn more! SHOW NOTES: 00:27 – Slade introduces the problem of complacency faced by men in relationships 01:55 – Defeatism: Many men are in denial about their lack of relationship contribution 03:46 – The methods and vices men use to stay in complacency 05:26 – Tending our own fires: How to start moving from complacency to inquiry 07:30 – Our habitual distractions are trying to protect our vulnerability 10:01 – We dampen our life force through too much self-soothing 12:41 – Recognizing vs. unpacking the problem: what can we do today? 14:43 – Maintaining our proactivity takes conscious effort from two perspectives 16:36 – Ryan shares a personal story about handling complacency in his relationship 20:33 – Embrace the journey as a process of lifelong inquiry