Welcome to the Mariners Church Life Group leader podcast. This week the conversation is designed to equip and resource youth to build a healthy life group community that studies God's word, practice the spiritual rhythms and changes the world together. When regret is overwhelming. That's what we're talking about this week, second week of our series, Over Welled.
I'm here with my good friend and co-host for this week, Linda Vino. What's happening Linda? It's great. Yeah, we can talk about regret.
I mean, it's time to open up this message just weekend. I'm telling some stories about tattoos. We're going to learn that he has a tattoo, spoiler alert ahead of time. I don't know how many tattoos.
I don't know this about you. This is a dangerous question. No, I don't. What a great matter of us do.
So if you were to get one, what would you get? I don't know. Same here. That's something I've not too deeply about it because it's probably not going to happen.
Yeah, probably. I mean, if somebody, like I had to get a tattoo, I'd get a wedding ring, like something on my wedding day. Yeah, yeah. That's a good thing.
Greg's initials or something. Yeah. Yeah. I'll ever talk to that this weekend about tattoos and when tattoos go wrong and when things are misspelled and all that kind of stuff.
But obviously regret is a much deeper thing than, I mean, a tattoo that you regret. That's unfortunate because it's semi-perniment. I mean, you can get laser tattoo or whatever they else. But we talk about regret.
It is a deep-seated thing in many people. Sure. Things that we wish that we hadn't done, things that have been done to us. And we're going to talk a lot more about that as we go through the questions here.
But Linda, just tell us a little bit of what's happening in marriage ministry. I think there's some fun stuff coming around the corner in the next week or two. Give us some insight. Yeah, we thought marriage matters.
We're launching our new season of marriage matters. People always ask, oh, does Doug just talk about the same thing? No. We have a whole new season of marriage matters starting on September 21st and then monthly coming up.
So we're excited about that. Yeah. So we have a great option for your group to connect there after the 530 service. I mean, what a great thing.
Come to the 530 as a whole life group, attend there and then come afterwards and encourage together. We see quite a few life groups that will come together and see together. We do. That's a beautiful thing.
Yeah, it's an easy ask, even if not everybody could come. At least some people can come, get a little injection of hope and encouragement for their marriage. That's right. Awesome.
Great. Well, should we dive into this week's questions? Sure. All right.
So as we do on this, we know we've got some new leaders that are listening. We just, we walk you through the serving questions and we kind of respond to them how we would respond to them, or how we would lead them in our own life groups. So we're going to talk about that. It's a helpful tool for you.
You might be listening to this right now on your way through life groups. So let's walk through them together. So lean in. We start to lean in more or less our icebreaker.
And we often say the more you get people to talk at question one, the more likely you are to talk at question four. So you want to get involved in here. So you've got a couple of questions to help to that point. The first one is do you tend to be more of an impulse or a planned out spender?
And then when was the time you purchased something that ended up, that you ended up not using or returning? So another one of those with anything? Yeah, I'm a very bad clickbait person. Oh, yeah.
It's, it's I got to stop. Okay. Yeah. I think, oh, this is such a good deal.
I got to have it. But I'm learning to have more self control. Yeah, that's a good thing. I think on the bigger, I like to do my research and find out, you know, you know, if you're talking about like a new washing machine or a television or a car or something, then yeah, it's a little more.
The things that you regret. Yeah. I mean, so this is a weird thing, but sometimes our upstairs gets kind of hot and it's really hot and lately we've been in the middle of a heatwave and I don't sleep well when I'm hot. And for whatever reason, I don't think anybody does.
I know, but for every reason my ears get really hot when it's hot is a weird thing. You know why? So we bought a long time ago this, like for migraines, like one of those ice cooling things, you put it over your ears and it cools, cools down or whatever. And in the middle of the heat, when I could find it anywhere, this is a little bit of an Amazon that it came the next morning was I go to bed at night.
It's like underneath my pillow, the original one. Oh my goodness. So now I got to. So that's great.
Yeah. So what's the point of that question? Things that we maybe regret purchasing. You regret purchasing.
Yeah. I bought a steamer once and I regretted it. Yeah. It was just cumbersome and big and everybody wants to know that there's not many people use up.
So that just gets you exploring that topic together with your groups. And have some fun. It's a fun topic to kind of talk about. Totally.
Yeah. Especially if your spouse is there, you know, you can call things out each other. Don't use it as an attacking time. But you've probably got stories that you could share with permission about impulse buying.
Totally. Also, right. And then we're going to turn toward the passage. I'm going to read the passage before I read the passage.
It is helpful to read the questions before you read the passage. So people can start thinking about it as the scriptures being read. We're going to be in Psalms 51. For right now, I'm not going to read the entirety of it.
I'm just going to read verses one through five. And that's primarily where Eric is teaching for you. But you could take time and read more of the passage together. But the questions here are what are some of the requests that David makes to God.
And then what do you learn about the effects of sin and the power of forgiveness from the passage. Psalm 51. So reminding ourselves of the context of the word from Eric, this is really David in response to his act of lust and sin, cover up with Shiba. He's sitting in the paint and the regret of his own decisions, his own wandering heart and sin that has caused this separation.
So Psalm 51 is in expressing the recognition for sin and then coming to God for forgiveness. So there's some real rawness of the human emotion of it, which we can all relate to. So from the passage, one or some requests and then what do you learn about the effects of sin and the power of forgiveness from the passage? I read from one to five.
It says this, the gracious to me God, according to your faithful love, according to your abundant compassion, blot out my rebellion, completely washed away my guilt and cleansed me from my sin. For I am conscious of my rebellion and my sin is always before me against you and you alone, I have sinned and done this evil in your sight. So you are right when you pass a sentence. You are blameless when you judge.
Indeed, I was guilty when I was born. I was sinful when my mother could see me. It goes on here to say, be gracious to me God, according to your faithful love, according to your abundant compassion, blot out my rebellion, completely wash my sin and cleanse for me my sin. So what do we learn?
Deep conviction. Yes. He's very convicted by, and I think that's when you're following Christ and you do feel that conviction from the Holy Spirit, it's over, it could be overwhelming. I think the scary part is if you, if you're in sin and don't feel that.
Right. Yeah. And it's heavy, it doesn't feel burdensome, it doesn't feel that it truly separates you from Jesus and your relationship. And that's when it can become.
Yeah. Question is the kindness of God's spirit within you, which gives you the assurance to know that you are, that you are his. Right. Yeah, you're right.
When it's a callous, but it's been turned over to it. You're not aware of it. Flippant about it. What's happening here, right?
And so I love that there's an honesty of that and there's a request really forgot to do what only God could do. Like he needs the graciousness of God and he needs the gracious of God according to his faithful love. He needs his compassion. He's brought out my rebellion.
So it's also like a recognition of, this is something that I've done. This is my own willful, misguided choice. My desires term and word, this is me acting on what I want me trying to assert myself as the ruler of my life. He's not blaming anybody else.
Totally. Right. And we talked about that quite a bit of the passage about blame and trying to cover up our transgressions. But you see him, like he's, he's aware, he's contrite and he's coming to God to do what only he can do.
He's not trying to cover it up. That's good. Awesome. And the one you learned about the power of sin and the power of forgiveness from the passage.
It's weighty. Yeah. It's convicting. Yeah.
It's demoralizing. It's separates us. It burdens us. Yeah.
Or it should. Yeah. Yeah. And also that sin is not just a momentary act.
Like we talked about sin is always before me. There's a sense of like awareness. Yeah. I'm replaying it.
Yeah. Like it's still living with the consequences of the choice. There's, you know, guilty in the moment of what I've done, but there's also a machine that's attached to it. Sure.
Attached to it. So we all have things that we know that we wish we hadn't done that. Or said. It's covered and then done all of that.
Yeah. It's a sense of guilt and shame that's followed through it. Yeah. Okay.
And then they move into the lookout and says, why are people so often tempted to blame others for their own sin? And I love that Eric also said this. It's not just blaming. So we talked about that.
Why are people tempted to blame others for their own sin? And then why are maybe people tempted to bargain with God? And talk about that where we want to blame others, but we also want to bargain. We want to cover that up with, if I do this, will you, will you do that?
What is that like where we've ever seen that? The blaming comes just in our defense mechanism that we want to justify our actions by having someone else take the blame for it. Or I wouldn't have done this if you wouldn't have said that. It's just a defense mechanism, right?
Instead of owning it, it's hard to own your stuff. It just is. Yeah. Right.
Yeah. And we have the account of decisions that we make and there's a context for everything and an environment that we created and all that, all that else. But ultimately, you know, there's a willful acting in your own design. Yes.
Yes. I think sometimes we don't want to think that we could be that bad. Like, when we catch ourselves doing something or something. There's got to be a reason or something that will enable me or, you know, I'm just trying or whatever whatever it was.
Right. Which could be true. Yeah. You know, there's that acronym.
I can't remember what it is, but it's, were you hungry, tired? Right. You know, all those little things that cause us to do things or say things that we regret. Yeah.
And then what about bargaining? What does that look like? Where do we see that? When people try to bargain with God to cover up their own sin?
Well, I just, I think that we want to think that we can in our own willpower do something to get past it. And at the same time, we forget that once we ask for forgiveness of sin, when we, we commit to that and ask God for forgiveness, that it's instantaneous. But yeah, we still are left with our conscious thought of the sin. And so we continue to say, you know, I'll do four good things to make up for it, which isn't there's no legal action that we can take in order to cover up.
It's totally like a penance of, you know, right. I'll make it up to buy this by saying this prayer this way. Right. And showing up the church three times can take whatever it is.
Exactly. But I get the thing. We're good, right? I think two is in, in, in all of that, we want the other person to get over it quicker.
Two, if we've said something or done something to harm somebody else, they might not get over it as quickly. And so that could be frustrating too. Well, I said, I asked for your forgiveness. Right.
I've repented. I told you that I was sorry. But isn't this enough? Isn't this enough?
Right. Look, yeah, Lord God, why are they still mad at me? Why are you asked for forgiveness? Right.
That's right. Yeah. So blaming others, right, doesn't remove your regrets. And I like that David shows us that he's not blaming others.
He's saying ultimately I sinned against you. Yep. Bargan with God doesn't move regrets. Like he's recognizing that he's dead to rights.
He's not going to do anything else that he can do. So he's coming to God. He's asking for forgiveness that he can only give. And that's a place where not only sin can be atone for, but where regrets can be removed.
Great. So then look at it says, are you holding onto any regrets that can be bottled up by the blood of Jesus? Share them and pray for one another. Oh my goodness.
So try to do this. It's a horrible question, right? Yeah. So what are maybe some other ways that you can ask that?
You could ask you just as it is where you're holding onto regrets, where you need to receive forgiveness or something you're holding onto, where you need to extend forgiveness to somebody else. What does God's word say about the regrets that you have? Right. What do you emotionally, physically holding onto shame and guilt?
Yeah. How about you ask a question, just hey, are there things where either you have in the past or maybe you know now or you're covering up or you're blaming others for sin that you've willfully chosen or where you're trying to bargain? What are the things you're trying to cover up? What does bargaining look like for you?
What would it like for you to come to Jesus again in a fresh and ask for forgiveness? You can also ask questions about what does it look like when we live in regret? Where have you seen that in your own life? Where have you broken free from the stronghold of regret?
And how have you experienced freedom on the other side of that? Like these questions are really meant to be a guide before you, not a strict term, my turn, my right. Yeah, I would even say maybe write down, take time. We want people to be able to sit in things that are keeping them from having a relationship with Jesus and causing division.
And so maybe have them write down something. And so at least they recognize that that is something that they're going to take before the Lord, right? Yeah. Yep.
Yep. Another way you can ask is what's something that you're carrying that Jesus is already carrying for you. Yeah. So the pain of a decision, the pain of regret, something that you've done.
Broken relationship. What are you carrying that Jesus already carried for you? Right. That might be the most pointed way to get to the question of the Lord.
Yeah. Ultimately recognizing that he's carried it all. He's a tone for all things. This weekend is my belief service, which is so appropriate.
That's what we're talking about regret. We want to not talk about the power, just the pain of regret, but the power of Jesus' freedom work on the cross and his resurrection. And that would give us all of it. So that's it.
Awesome, you guys. Well, it's been a great series of great starts in the fall. Amazing things are happening. And we look forward to hearing more of what's going on in your group.
So remind us again, Linda, we've got Marriage Matters on September 21st. And October 12th. And October 12th, right? We've already gotten invite to our next Life Group Leader Huddle on Monday, September 30th.
Yep. We would love for all of you to be there and bring people that may be trained up to potentially leave in your group too. I think they're going to miss out if they're not there. That's what I really want them to know.
We're partnering with our care recovery team and bringing in some outside experts to help us talk through, like, man, how do you navigate discussions around mental health and harm and abuse. These things come up in groups and they do come up in groups. Like, what are the resources that are available to us? What is our role?
Response. What's our response? Yeah. What are the resources that are available to us?