Passenger Parenting: Why New Dads Can Feel Involved But Not In Control

Most new dads want to be present and involved. Many quietly become passengers in their own family — and don't realise until it's already happened.Norma Barrett is a public health researcher at Deakin University who studies the transition to fatherhood — particularly why so many men show up committed and still end up feeling peripheral, guilty, or unsure of their role.We talk about what "passenger parenting" actually looks like, how it develops without men really choosing it, and whether it's possible to interrupt the drift. We also get into dad guilt and self-care, why fathers find it hard to ask for support, the pressure of the provider role, and how to speak honestly about fathers' needs without minimising what mothers carry.This is a conversation about fatherhood. But it's also about identity, relationships, and the gap between the parent you hope to become and the one early parenthood can quietly shape you into.If this episode lands for you, send it to a new dad or an expecting one.