Patriarchy and Polyamory — Unpacking Power, Gender, and ENM with Cass Banker, Ep. 124

What happens when you leave monogamy… but bring patriarchy with you?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Cass Banker (they/them) — a polyamorous, eXvangelical, non-binary human on a mission to deconstruct patriarchal masculinity in themselves and the world. Raised and socialized as a man for most of their life, Cass knows firsthand how entitlement, dominance, and pre-written gender scripts sneak into all kinds of relationships — yes, even ethical non-monogamy.We talk about:How patriarchy shows up in ENM (and why “polyamory” doesn’t automatically mean anti-patriarchal)The Chooser vs. Chosen dynamic and how it harms everyoneWhy polyamory can be a playground for men who speak “progressive” but live patriarchalThe ghost of patriarchal programming — and how it can haunt your sex lifeThe emotional labor trap: why your deconstruction work isn’t your partner’s jobSelf-acceptance vs. self-erasure: why shame won’t actually change youBuilding non-monogamy rooted in equity, care, and genuine loveCass also shares their own polyamory journey — the mistakes, the heartbreaks, and the moments of beauty that make it all worth it. And yes, they drop a Just the Tip bonus for better sex that will change how you listen to your partner’s body.Whether you’re new to polyamory, deep into your ENM life, or just curious how gender and power dynamics shape love, this conversation will give you language, insight, and maybe a few “ouch” moments worth sitting with.Follow Cass:TikTok: @cas_of_the_voidhttps://besafecoaching.com/Send us Fan MailSupport the show📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar LindsteinSTIM IPI: 572 393 237