Patti Clark: Alcohol, Relapse & Women’s Recovery - Breaking Generational Patterns

In this episode of Believe in People: Addiction, Recovery & Stigma, Patti reflects on a lifetime shaped by silence, trauma, and survival. Growing up in a dysfunctional home in 1970s San Francisco - marked by alcoholism, emotional neglect, and parents who barely spoke - she began using alcohol and drugs at just 13 to escape overwhelming pain. By 16 she had lost her mother to alcoholism, a loss that profoundly shaped her understanding of addiction, identity, and generational trauma.Patti shares candidly about early experiences with hallucinogens during the counterculture era, the years she spent bartending in Alaska amid heavy cocaine use, and the moment she chose life over self-destruction. She describes the powerful impact of her first women-only 12-step meeting, the birth of long-term sobriety, and the choice to get clean before having children so she would never repeat the patterns she grew up with.After nearly 13 years in recovery, Patti later faced relapse - driven by disconnection, loss of community, motherhood identity shifts, and the seductive “yummy mummy” drinking culture. She unpacks how secrecy, co-dependency, and convincing self-talk sustained her relapse, and the moments that finally brought clarity: writing her first book while still drinking, confronting her own hypocrisy, and acknowledging that recovery requires honesty, therapy, and belonging - not just abstinence.Together, Patti and Matt explore the deeper roots of addiction: trauma, loneliness, the search for meaning, and the societal and gendered pressures that shape women’s drinking. Patti critiques patriarchal elements of traditional 12-step structures, highlights the importance of women-centred spaces, and explains why she has gone on to start recovery groups in New Zealand, Portugal, and beyond.This is a rich and layered conversation about breaking generational cycles, redefining identity in motherhood, and building a recovery community grounded in compassion, inclusion, and truth.In this episode:Growing up in silence, emotional neglect and an alcoholic homeEarly use of alcohol, speed and acid from age 13Hallucinogens in 1970s San Francisco drug cultureLosing her mother to alcoholism at 16Bartending in Alaska, cocaine use, and the “fork in the road” momentGetting sober before having children to break multi-generational patternsWomen-only 12-step spaces and the power of belongingMoving to New Zealand and the loss of recovery communityMotherhood, purpose collapse and the pull of “mummy wine culture”The psychology of relapse: secrecy, co-dependency and self-negotiationWriting a book while drinking and the confrontation with honestyCreating women’s meetings and broader, non-pedantic recovery spacesTrauma as a root cause, subjective suffering, and the need for therapyFinding your people and why some recovery rooms “suck”#believeinpeople #believeinpeoplepodcast #believeinpeopleextraClick here to text our host, Matt, directly!🎧  If this episode connected with you, please subscribe and review. It directly helps us reach more people affected by addiction, trauma and stigma. 🔗 Then share this episode with someone who needs to hear it!Browse the full archive at 👉 www.believeinpeoplepodcast.com Believe in People is a platform for lived experience, recovery insight and honest conversation. Whether you’re in recovery, supporting someone who is, or working on the frontline, this podcast exists to inform, challenge stigma and inspire change.If you or someone you know needs support with drugs, alcohol, housing, domestic abuse, or mental and physical wellbeing, free and confidential help is available via Change Grow Live:📩 Contact: [email protected]🎵 Music: “Jonathan Tortoise” - Christopher Tait (Belle Ghoul / Electric Six)Listen & Subscribe:Spotify | Apple Podcasts🎙️ Facilitator: Matthew Butler 🎛️ Producer: Robbie Lawson 🏢 Network: ReNew