Paul Con Queso on Healing, Masculinity, and Why Telling Your Boys 'I Love You' Can Save Lives

In this powerful episode of The Getting Older Podcast, host Ivory Fennell sits down with poet, educator, and activist Paul Con Queso for a raw, unfiltered conversation on healing, masculinity, identity, and the beauty of becoming.Over nearly two hours, Paul shares with striking vulnerability the lessons he’s learned through love, heartbreak, activism, and art. From navigating trauma and mental health to guiding students through pain using poetry, Paul brings nothing but truth, heart, and lyrical clarity.The radical act of telling your male friends you love themLosing friends to suicide and building safe spaces for menChallenging toxic masculinity as a Black man in AmericaWhy artists like Jaden Smith and Childish Gambino matterArt as protest, healing, and transformationWhere creativity, activism, and education intersectThe defunding of creative writing in higher edWhy comparison is a trap and success is not a raceDating in your 30s, financial stress, and emotional readinessThe myth that you must be “healed” to be lovedCreating chosen family and embracing rejectionPaul also reads one of his most beloved poems:“Telling My Male Friends I Love Them as a Radical Form of Joy” — a moving, intimate piece that calls men to lean into vulnerability, softness, and truth. He shares how his students’ courage gave him permission to live more fully in his own truth as a survivor.This episode isn’t just a conversation — it’s a permission slip. To feel. To speak. To break patterns. To let healing in, even when you’re not sure what that looks like yet. Whether you’re a poet, creative, teacher, survivor, or someone just trying to figure it out, Paul’s story will meet you right where you are.As an educator, Paul also talks about the challenges of working in academia — where creative programs that often save lives are being cut, silenced, and undervalued. He speaks openly about what it means to teach during times of censorship and erasure — and why creative expression is essential, not optional.Through his lens as an ARTivist (artist + activist), Paul makes the case that healing is ongoing. That pain, when alchemized, becomes purpose. And that art — even in its messiest, most personal form — can connect us, move us, and build new worlds.Follow Paul Con Queso:Instagram: @paulconquesoBuy his book: Disappearing BoyFind upcoming shows + projects: Linktree in his IG bioListen to this episode:Available now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and everywhere you listen.If this episode spoke to you:Drop a comment, share it with someone who needs it, and don’t forget to like and subscribe. This show grows through real conversation and real community.Subscribe for more weekly episodes where Ivory Fennell explores the raw, real, and sometimes ridiculous process of growing up — emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.This isn’t therapy.But it is honest, unfiltered, and full of moments that might just change how you see yourself.