Perfectionism - Defense Mechanism

- Perfectionism is a fallacy in logic. It concludes that if all flaws are removed and perfection attained then the inner chaos and pain will subside. - It serves as a soothing agent for inner perceived flaws and shame. When perfection is gained it never lasts long creating a lifelong persuit. - Stems from childhood where parents lacked attunement and awareness of child’s developmental stages and therefore did not properly set bar for attaining achievement. - With narcissistic parents, they are aware that the child needs unconditional love on a visceral level. By not giving them this love and forcing them to earn it, child strives for unnataible goals and impossible expectations to run from feeling inqduquet and incapable since couldn’t reach goals. This created a “carrot on the stick” effect where the child chases something that is unntaible causing extreme humiliation and shame. - Perfectionism serves to mask this shame and delude the individual into striving tirelessly for perfect body, success, speech, looks etc all to avoid inner shame and reality. - False self is predicated on perfection. Once you are creating a false self you can make it as you wish. No limits to how perfect it is since after all it is a lie. - Narcissistic abusers can not handle the truth so the false self serves to avoid it and enter in to alternate and fantasy like reality. Anything that reveals the truth or hints to it must be discarded and destroyed. - Victims of narcissistic abuse are usually walking on eggshells of this idealized false and perfect self in order to reflect back to their abuser that this false self in valid helping the narcissist stay on the denial state.