Hello and welcome to the Gifted Life where we have conversations about Oregon, tissue, and Idaho Nation. I'm Roy Steel. I'm Joey Boudreau. I'm Sally Gentry.
And on this episode, permission to thrive. Yeah, we'll talk to one donor mother about her Greek journey and how she's now helping others. You know the difference between a narcissist or someone who's just self-centered. She was looking at you.
All right, that and we're coming up here on the Gifted Life You, you are part of our team and we hope that you help us spread the word. Yeah, as always, we're easy to find. You can find us on Apple Podcast, Google Play or whatever your favorite podcast app might be. And of course, we're on the GiftedLife.org.
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We just want to get information out about making life happen. Like we said, you're part of our team. So join us. You guys ready to get to today's episode?
Yeah, let's do it. Let's get to it. Let's do it. Here on the GiftedLife Podcast, we are honored to introduce you to Ms.
Susan Miller. Hey, Ms. Susan. Hi, how are you?
We are good. You are the mother of Laura, a hero, right? What a journey. I am.
And what we love and why we introduced you to our audience is because you are trying to help others heal. Not only folks who are walking your walk, that journey, but also clinicians and things like that. So you have a memoir out. So tell us the title and what you hope to accomplish with that.
Well, I wrote permissions that felt like I had gained a lot of wisdom about and I wanted to share with other people that, and devastated and feel like there's really no end to the grieving over time. Important lessons about being authentic and vulnerable really help. Yeah. So you're going to introduce us to Laura and our hero segment here on the GiftedLife.
We honor a hero in every podcast. But it takes back to 2009. It was mid-January and Laura started suffering for headaches, which you just thought was normal, right? I was complaining about headaches.
Sometimes she called me from school and asked me to pick her up because the headaches were getting worse. And we had her checked out by the pediatrician and gave her an exam, a short exam. And she said everything looked good. But then about four or five days later on Wednesday morning, February 18th, she woke up and she threw up and then she asked me why I had four eyes.
And then within a few minutes she had a seizure and she had a mask at the back of that. And it was something that was created on in two days. And we were obviously in shock. But by the end of the day, that evening she had stopped breathing, the brain tumor had become too much for her.
And the next thing we knew she was hooked up to with many tubes and monitors, as you can imagine, and almost immediately I knew on. So we know that you received the diagnosis that Laura was brain dead, which is when we start talking about donations. So we're talking to you, Susan, but you have a family, a family that knew about donation? Well, and we knew that it was a worthwhile and a noble conversation for someone in our family today.
And here it was live. We like traumatic news for you and your family. Beyond, you know, it was the worst day of our life and an organ coordinator and after shift. It's tough, even though you had known from an abstract type of sense about donation, you guys had talked about it.
Everything seems like it's going on so fast. So for you to be able to say yes in that moment is an amazing thing. What were you guys thinking when they approached you about it? We talked about issues, but we were an organ donation.
But because of the kind of child-pretty giving kid and always told other people, we just wanted to help someone in this discussion when younger sisters and said, you know, mom and dad, it's Laura's organ. So someone else's life, why wouldn't you? The best. Susan, how many folks were saved by Laura's donation?
We donated her internal organs. And from a person who has cancer, do not. So and prepping for the interview, we watched a video that you have on your page to help people have to find you while we're here at SusanAngelMiller.com. Yes, there's lots of information on empathy and they have come.
So I'm also wondering too. She said she, one individual received her liver and I understand that you all are in a relationship with her and her family. Would you mind telling us a little bit more about your relationship with Tricia? Sure.
That night after we had learned that Laura had died, it has been received a call from the organ coordinator telling him organ to be placed that we received this letter and teacher and her leukemia had basically destroyed her liver and a coma for about 10 days when she received the liver. And she just told the issue that she was of good of life. That's great. Susan, you mentioned a couple of things that caught my attention.
And being that because she had a medulloblastoma, that is certainly obviously more challenging to match up so to speak. So I'm assuming that must have taken a little bit longer from the time that they talked to you until the time to recovery. How long was that time frame for you guys? They found that Saturday and once we had agreed to Laura's organs, then all of a sudden they were doctors and nurses at our room and huddled talking to each other and they were looking to be a good match for the organs.
We've a match could be found and finally ate it and ended up saving her life. And her having cancer before with leukemia, has that been resolved? Is that in remission or is she still having to fight the leukemia now that she's gotten her liver transplant? No, been diagnosed with leukemia about a year before her liver went into failure.
Actually the medicine, the drugs she was taking to put bloodication teacher in her eyes were yellow and white. Her skin looked a little yellow. She was then transferred from a loker in the ICU unit going on and they said it didn't get a little gift. Wow.
We were watching that story, Trisha's story, you talking about Laura and we were just all about how this story, just everyone's lives connected and the miracle of donation. So you're a couple of years out. So your thoughts on donation now on Trisha, it sounds like you guys are close. So tell us where you are on your journey.
Yeah. Well, after we received the thank you note from, we started sharing pictures back and forth through the different donor and after a year from the date of that we could each learn each other's, kind of that's what we did. We worked for 18 months of the day that I brought Laura into the hospital. I received an old name and a phone number.
And that evening we went out to dinner all excited that we now knew the identity of the person who had received our daughter's liver. And we ended up calling her that evening. Our daughter insisted that we kind of quickly, we could and then we will. And we shared a lot of information on that phone call and we said that we all wanted to keep in touch and eventually potentially meet.
And that's what we did. About two weeks away we flew to New York City and Trisha and her husband Gary drove down from upstate New York and we met in the hotel in Times Square. And we met and we hugged and then we started telling our stories about what had happened to each of our families and it was quite a special conversation. We have to Milwaukee to participate in a memorial run that we do every year in September to raise money for bring cancer research and organ donation.
And we've seen them up in her cottage, their late cottage up in Pennsylvania. And she's also come in to St. Louis to visit my daughter Sarah who was at college. So we met her four or five times.
It's been very special. That's great. Your daughter's and your husband. I mean, what was their reaction when you said, oh we've got this letter now we know who it is.
How was it for them to? I think they were almost more excited than I was. I was a little bit more nervous than they were. They were immediately interested in contacting her.
And I was a little bit nervous that almost felt like we were going to be connecting with a long lost child. I felt that person and that meaningful that part of Laura was still living in someone else and that still alive that Laura had given someone else life. And in fact, our organ donation was such a wonderful, he said, you know, you saved the life of one person, you saved the world. And I think about that often because when we met Tricia's family, we met her extended family and at the end of one of the dinners, her father who was about 85 years old, he gave me a hug and he whispered into my ear, we're forever grateful.
That ripple effect. Yeah. Exactly. Because if she had kept away from the liver failure, which she would have done, her entire community and family would have been grief stricken.
And one thing didn't change the other no matter what, no matter what, we couldn't have saved Laura because the brain cancer that she had was so virulent and so advanced. But because of what happened to Laura, which seems like such a meaningless event, by knowing that Tricia happened, it just gave some meaning to something that seemed so senseless. Laura's legacy. I love it.
Now, talk to us about Laura's sister wanting to spread the word about organization, wanting to save more lives in Laura's honor. A fair opponent of organ donation because of meeting Tricia, that when she went to college in Washington University in St. Louis, she began a chapter, advocacy and organ donation advocacy chapter called Soad and Organ Donation Advocates. And really she wanted to educate college students about the idea of organ donation and to encourage them to register to become donors.
And now she's graduated, she now lives in New York City and high school and college campuses. National and she already has, they already have about 14 students. Okay, so our next podcast guest, Sarah. So she's gonna have to hook us up there.
We don't want you to tell us a little bit more about the book, What Do You Think Folks Will Get From It and then How Can They Find It? Well, it's a Thrive, My Journey from Grief to Growth. And I wrote the book and we really get a renewed sense of purpose in our life because of what we've experienced. And it's helpful to me, it's been a good legacy for people to remember.
Laura by and it is just a source of, I think, inspiration to say that yes, you can go through the worst and still come out and live a healthy and meaningful life. The memoir can be found on my website, SusanAngelNiller.com. On Amazon, it's available in paperback or Kindle version. And the actual proceeds from the book are gonna be donated to organ donation efforts and to increase brain cancer research.
So hopefully we can find a cure to what killed Laura. We love your story, Miss Susan. We thank you for joining us for contacting the gift of life and for taking the time. Thank you so much for all you do.
Thank you so much. All right, Susan Miller. She'll be back with us as we honor Laura here on the gift of life. At this point on the gift of life, we're checking in with our mental health guru, our gal Sal.
That's right. Sal is gonna talk about narcissism versus self-centeredness. Oh, yes. Which got Sal.
Right. It is all about each of us though, right? Especially me. Yeah.
Well, there you go. Yeah, okay. So we're all of us. All of us are born, you know, being self-centered because it is just us.
Right. However, we don't remain self-centered. We do as we engage with others and our family members. We become more empathetic.
We learn, many of us learn how to share. And, you know, kind of put ourselves in other people's shoes, so to speak, as to what's going on, you know, for them. But we never cease to be self-centered. But on the other hand, for narcissists, everything, it has to be about them or it's all about me.
I cannot be flexible enough now to be empathetic to what your needs are because it doesn't count. I'm kind of busy. Let's go. So, and so the main thing is they don't have empathy.
Those who are narcissists. And that's really the big difference between being self-centered because, again, as I just mentioned, we all have that self-centered core to us. But then the problem is that once you meet empathetic to other person's needs or wants and realize that, that kind of puts you as that. I'm all about the universe to the side and you're able to reach out.
You're able to offer a helping hand. You're able to say here, let me help with this or whatever the case may be. Also, people who are narcissistic have a really wonderful sense of being grandiose because, you hear this, if, Laura, if it wasn't for me, I'm sure this podcast would never happen. Okay.
That's looked right off her tongue. Like, is there anything? Now, you know, but the difference is self-centered people might say, well, you just notice me. Right.
Because we all like to be noticed. Especially my hair is done that way. You go. But people who are narcissistic say, just wait a minute now, look how special and wonderful I am and the rest of you don't count.
You don't know folks like that. No, really. I mean, I imagine social media plays a part in that. It absolutely does.
I mean, I mean, I can't even because you see me with a cat. You're not even know what you're eating, Joe. I do not. Exactly.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Well, and you know, most of the time too, when you run across folks like this, breaking the rules, well, you know, the rules don't apply to me. They only apply to you guys.
And I mean, I have known a number of individuals who do have that sort of characteristic, if you will, about them. But until I really realized what it was, it was going on with them. You know, many times they say, you know, we can rationalize that. Well, okay.
I'm going to hedge a little bit on this, but I'm okay. And I understand that. I've shared that with you. Now you all kind of understand.
But if I'm truly a narcissist, I don't care if you understand or not, because it really didn't matter about you all. Right. And I'm moving on. That's it.
That's it. The bottom line. But anyway, those are just some of the ways to tell the difference. But the main thing I think that I want to get across for individuals is the fact that we are, it is all about us individually because that's how we are.
But when you have no empathy and you cannot see how that other person may or may not feel or reactive what you say, that's when you know, oops, I might want to kind of stare a little bit clearer, this particular person. Some people need a little help seeing that help them along. I just try to be a good human. I just try to go out and be a good human.
There you go. And add some sparkle to somebody's life each day. There you go. That's it.
So I'm listening and trying to figure out where I fit in on this. I hold on self-centing, but empathy, you know, having empathy for us. But if I was or I knew someone that I say, man, that really could impact this person. So how would I get this there a way to help?
Is there something to what should I do about it? Well, the unfortunate thing is that this is really part of individuals personality, which begins very, very early on. And usually our personalities are developed by the age of three. So the difficulty here, you might recognize that in a person.
They don't. That's true. I mean, they don't think there's anything wrong with their behavior. They think there's something wrong with you for pointing out that they have some sort of inferior sort of thought processes, which so then it really boils down to I don't know if you can really refer someone to get help if they don't see that there's something debilitating to others about their thought process or the way that they're interacting with others.
It's one of those situations that kind of tough to call, you know. All right. Well, we appreciate you. Sally, we always learn a lot.
Do you have a topic that you want Sally to tackle? Info at thegiftedlife.org. In every episode of the Gifted Life, we honor a hero. Today's hero, Laura Miller.
And today we learn more about Laura from her mother, Susan Miller. I honor students at Hysk and everyone who knew her knew that she would achieve her goal. She always made sure to give extra attention to classmates who seemed to me of a friend. She didn't waste any time on her brief life, which is regarding organ donation and that's what she did for Laura each and every day.
And we feel blessed. And now we pause to say thank you to Laura for the gift of life. And our question and answer segment today. How many people can benefit from one donor, one hero as our chief clinical officer here at LOPE?
I'm going to toss that to you, Mr. Well, and that's a tough question to answer to be very specific, but the answer really is a lot, you know, with an organ donor. Generally speaking, the most we can recover usually is a right around eight. We've recovered and transplanted eight organs many times before, but the possibility is even there for a ninth should you have all the organs recovered and transplanted and able to split the liver at the same time and send one segment to one patient and another segment to another.
So eight to nine are organ transplanted. And then with tissue transplant, more than 50. And you know, you never know, sometimes, you know, grass can be used even, you know, you can use more grass with tissue donors. And it could be maybe 70, 75 and above that.
In addition to tissues, of course, eyes, we can give sight to two different people. And then there's a research aspect that, who knows, some of the research, you know, projects that we've got going on can potentially benefit or save the lives of thousands in the future. It's just so hard to pinpoint. But the answer honestly is a lot, you know, that's about the best I can answer you, Laura.
That's amazing. And we're out in the community and we start having these conversations. I always say, you just never know what's coming tomorrow because advancements happen all the time. We have all these partners that you've heard here on the gift of life talk about what's to come.
So it's just such a good thing. So we appreciate the question. Joe, thanks for tackling that one. And thanks for listening.
Well, Joey, that's some good information for people to know because sometimes I think individuals go, oh, I can only donate just my organs. Or, you know, so to hear all that, yeah, should certainly help folks understand it better. If you have a question or a store you'd like to share, you can email us info at thegiftedlife.org or you can reach us on social media or you can call us. Number is five, zero, four, six, four, eight, three, four, seven, seven.
We'd like to hear from you. And that'll do it for episode 107 of the Gifted Life. Yes, special thanks to Susan Miller for not only sharing Laura and Laura's story with us, but sharing everything that she's been doing in her family and her other daughter, it's unbelievable what this family has been doing to pay it forward to everyone else. And then, and then the fact that she ends up with a brain tumor as well.
And what a story. Yeah, she shared that with us and it was just like, wow, this is a personal mission, right? Oh, yes. And just think of how inspirational that must be for others to read her book to hear her story.
I mean, it's got to be just reaching lots of folks out there about bringing the awareness of donation to families. And I just love that not only reaching out to other donor families recipients, but the clinicians, the folks who were making life happen. So we love that. And of course, we're going to continue to follow her story or family story and share that with you here on the gift of life.
We certainly appreciate you listening. Maybe you were inspired to get that little heart or that notation on your license to say, yes, I want to be a registered donor. Register me.org. You can do that.
It takes less than two minutes and then the impact that you can make. So we thank you. Hopefully you'll go out and do something that you don't normally do to help us make life happen. You're part of our team.
We appreciate you. Thanks for listening and we'll talk to you next night. This is a production of the Louisiana Organ Procurement Agency or LOPA. They get to life as hosted by Lori Steele, Joey Buudro and Sally Gentry.
Our executive producer is Kirsten Hines. Producer is Shalom Caraway. Intern is Rebecca Rannem. We are recorded, engineered and mixed in our Covington Louisiana Studio by Troy Perez.