Hi and welcome to la vie attache change your thoughts change your life I'm Peggy McKnight, and I am continuing with the communication series today. I'm going to be talking about what are personal boundaries and why we need them You've probably heard the phrase before but maybe you're unsure what it means Just what are personal boundaries and what difference do they make in your life? To understand a personal boundary you have to understand what a boundary is Let's start with the true definition of what a boundary is and go from there It's basically a line that marks the limit of an area a dividing line aka a boundary Most boundaries are pretty easy to see Especially if we are talking about Between states and countries, you know where your boundaries are but when we're talking about personal boundaries that gets a little vague Prior to 2020 starting we all had personal boundaries that were potentially a lot closer Although whether you care to admit it or not It was an unspoken rule that if you felt somebody spit when they're talking They probably are too close or if you could smell their breath But would you say anything about it? Probably not.
Whereas nowadays in 2020 and potentially beyond We are looking at our personal boundaries of at least six feet away And well, is that a big big gap for some people that probably is however You can still hear the other individual just that if they're whispering you might not be able to hear what they have to say But going back to boundaries the world is full of fences and dividers clearly marking up Space a personal boundary does the same thing only on a more invisible and internal level So let's take a look at this a little closer. What are boundaries a boundary tells you what your responsibility is in a given situation You already have some boundaries at work or school You know that you have to be at work and school on time and leave when you are scheduled to leave those are boundaries there are parameters of your job and your responsibilities as a student and Usually they're marked out pretty clear when you took the job or enrolled on a course on a personal level a boundary tells you who you're responsible for You're self or of course, but you might also be a caregiver or maybe a manager But what about the other responsibilities such as paying your bills or taking care of your pets a boundary keeps you safe Many of these should go without saying such as abstaining from drinking and driving that is a pretty big boundary that Should really not be crossed unless you want deadly consequences But sometimes you have to set some such boundaries for yourself know your limits Such as whether it's not healthy to be in a relationship with a certain individual because they're just really toxic for example And or abusive that's when you do have to set your personal boundaries and say enough This is not acceptable You can even also set these boundaries at work if you find that people are becoming a little too aggressive Confrontational bullying you do need to set your boundaries and let them know that that's not acceptable behavior as well A boundary tells us who we are are you a good person or a bad person a selfish person a pious one Our moral code becomes the boundary that defines us So for example if you are a bad person or even a selfish person You could just completely ignore other people's boundaries because you're not respectful of the other person And then just you know get in their face all of the time if you're a pious one You know that you are far superior than other people and how could they be that way when I'm perfect and I'm this way It really does send the wrong signals to other people as well So, you know be aware of your boundaries and what kind of signals and messages you're sending to people a Boundary clarifies your needs what things need to be in place in your life for you to be happiest and healthiest What protects you for from overwork or abuse by clarifying those boundaries and your needs It will enable you to ensure that your boundaries are being respected a boundary also defines a relationship What are the parameters of your relationship is that healthy? What is your responsibility to that other person? How are they responsible to you setting those boundaries to ensure that they are aware that their language and behavior towards you?
Especially if they're coming out you at you on the attack all the time and blaming you for everything Including their own messes in life then you really do need to set some firm boundaries in place to ensure that their behavior is unacceptable and Ultimately, you're not going to let them get away with this type of behavior time and time again because guaranteed They will repeat that behavior if you do not clarify to them what your boundaries are They will have already abused it by testing you and if they see that you're not saying anything or doing anything differently to give them any Other indication as to where those boundaries are they'll keep going at it With all that it makes sense that having strong boundaries is a really good idea Especially when you take into consideration these facts boundaries They give you a better idea of who you are it helps others to understand your needs It gives guidelines in your relationships and it makes for healthy interactions with other people Plus you know that if you are communicating correctly to the individual what those boundaries are and correcting their behavior It makes you feel good about yourself because you haven't let yourself down because your moral code is still in check and intact Meaning that when you've communicated your boundaries to someone So if they're shouting at you and blaming you for something You know that you have addressed the situation with them to say your behavior is unacceptable Then they know that they were out of line and out of order and it will correct their Behavior towards you, but also you'll feel good inside that you've stuck up for yourself But also communicated clearly and correctly to them what those boundaries are in future And perhaps the most important of all they are an integral part of self-care As a side note remember this boundaries need to be revisited occasionally and reevaluated as we grow and change Our boundaries will change as well with all this at stake it's no wonder we give boundaries such a lot of attention boundaries can mean the difference between a happy and healthy life and a life of drudgery and resentment and Equally internal beating yourself out because you've not been able to speak up and tell people what your boundaries are Isn't it time to learn where to draw the line? So that's my thoughts on what personal boundaries are and why we need them my friends I hope you found this podcast useful until tomorrow bye for now