Playing it Small: Why We Dim Ourselves (And How To Stop)

Episode overviewIn this episode, we unpack why so many of us learn to play it small — not because we lack confidence or ambition, but because at some point it felt safer to do so. Following the huge response to our Don’t Hide Your Shine sanity check, we explore how hiding your shine shows up in everyday life, where it comes from, and why it’s so closely tied to self-worth. We talk about school, family systems, culture, gendered expectations, and nervous-system protection — and how, over time, shrinking ourselves can leave us feeling muted, disconnected, and far from who we really are. We also share how to begin reclaiming those hidden parts of yourself in small, human ways, without feeling like you’re showing off or abandoning the people around you.Key discussion pointsWhat we really mean by “shine” - and why it’s not about ego or attentionThe subtle ways we reduce ourselves: downplaying achievements, staying quiet, deflecting praise, shrinking joyTall poppy syndrome, school dynamics, and early lessons about standing outFamily systems and why keeping the peace can mean keeping yourself smallHow women are given constant mixed messages: confident but not too confident, ambitious but not selfishWhy dimming yourself becomes automatic - and how it disconnects you from who you areThe discomfort (and grief) that can come with letting yourself be seen againListener takeawaysPlaying it small is rarely a choice - it’s usually learned protectionYour shine isn’t arrogance; it’s alivenessHumility and self-worth can exist togetherStart with noticing when you automatically shrink or brush yourself offPractise receiving - even two seconds can make a differenceLet yourself take up a little more space than you did yesterdayYou don’t need to be palatable to everyone to be worthyIf this episode resonated and you recognised a place where you’ve been dimming yourself, we’d love to hear from you. Send us a DM or leave us a voicemail - your stories matter. And for more on this theme, head over to Patreon for this week’s sanity check (link in the show notes).BetterHelp Paid Partnership - Get 10% off your first monthIf you’re struggling, consider therapy with our paid partner BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/youkeepmesane for a 10% discount on your first month of therapy.BetterHelp makes it easy to find a therapist who suits your needs. Their online platform connects you with credentialed therapists, and if your first match isn’t the right fit, you can switch.Links:Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePodEmail us at  [email protected] to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie FahySee https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy informationDisclaimer: Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.