"Positive Disintegration": Why It Feels Like You’re Falling Apart Before You Decide to Stay or Go

Episode 94: In this episode, I start by inviting us to slow down together. I recorded this on February 8, 2026, and I could feel how loud life has been lately. Instead of showing up with a tidy bow and a perfect lesson, I let this be a real conversation between me and you. A place to breathe, to soften, and to tell the truth about what it feels like when your inner world is rearranging itself.Because today we are talking about falling apart, and why it might be the most honest thing your soul has ever done.I’m introducing you to a concept I just found this week and immediately knew I needed to bring to you: positive disintegration. The kind of breakdown that isn’t a failure, but a signal. A sign that the strategies you used to survive, the roles you learned to play, and the fantasies you clung to are no longer able to hold back what you already know in your bones. In other words, it’s not that you are breaking. It’s that your denial is breaking. And something truer is trying to come through.We talk about why our culture fears endings, grief, and death, and how that fear shows up psychologically when we’re in the crucible of change, especially when you’re considering divorce. I connect this to the life-death-life cycle, to the way nature does this without apologizing, and to the brutal tenderness of becoming. If you’ve been feeling heavy, depressed, anxious, or stuck, I want you to hear this clearly: those feelings do not automatically mean you’re doing it wrong. Sometimes they mean you’re finally doing it right.I also share one of my favorite images for this process: the butterfly becoming the goo. That disorienting, humiliating, sacred middle. The place where you cannot go back to who you were, but you cannot yet see who you’re becoming. If you’re there right now, you are not behind. You are not broken. You are in the chrysalis.And I bring in two powerful texts that help us name what we’re living: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and Women Who Run with the Wolves. We talk about Skeleton Woman, Lady Death, and what it means to stop throwing the parts of ourselves we fear off the cliff. We talk about building a foundation that can hold you through the unraveling, not by rushing to fix the feelings, but by staying with yourself inside them.If you’re in that tender, terrifying season where everything you built your life on feels shaky, this episode is for you. It’s a reminder that the breakdown might not be the end of your story. It might be the beginning of your true self returning. 🤍Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackLive interview with Chandra Zas - Tuesday Feb 17th • 2pm PT, 4 pm CST, 5 pm EST(Use this link if the one above doesn’t work- https://youtube.com/live/2DiSl3ZyV3M)What happens when you stop overriding your body… and start listening instead?In this live conversation, Britta interviews Chandra on Chapter 0 of Handbook for Human Potential — a chapter that opens the doorway to body wisdom, emotional truth, and coming home to yourself.Join our book newsletter to stay in the loop: https://handbookforhumanpotential.comAnd buy the book if you haven’t yet! Handbook for Human Potential by Chandra Zas, Britta Jo and othershttps://Chandrazas.comSuggested prep for next episode: Read Chandra’s chapter 0 - “Come Home to Your Body Wisdom”Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. GibsonWomen Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola EstésFrom Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death by Caitlin DoughtyConsidering Divorce? Understand the Life-Death-Life Cycle FirstText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit stayorgo.substack.com/subscribeSupport the showSubscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackYouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook