Post-Separation Abuse - Coercive Control After Leaving

In this episode of the Pride in Respect Podcast, host Dr Jack Farrugia is joined by Julia and Tori Cooke for a powerful conversation about post-separation abuse and the ways coercive control can continue after a relationship has ended.Julia, a member of the LGBTIQA+ community, shares her lived experience of long-term coercive control, family violence and the ongoing impacts of abuse after separation. Her story highlights how leaving does not always mean immediate safety, and how people using violence may continue to intimidate, monitor, threaten, isolate or manipulate victim-survivors long after the relationship is over.Tori Cooke, a family violence consultant, clinical supervisor, trainer and educator, brings deep sector insight into how coercive control works, why it can be so difficult to recognise, and why community responses matter. She explains how post-separation abuse can include stalking, surveillance, reputation damage, misuse of systems, threats, financial control, and using children or parenting arrangements as a way to maintain power.Together, this conversation challenges the idea that leaving is simple or that safety automatically begins once a relationship ends. Julia and Tori also explore how identity, stigma, small-town visibility and assumptions about sexuality can be used as tools of control in LGBTIQA+ contexts.This is a confronting but important episode about believing victim-survivors, recognising patterns of abuse, holding people who use violence accountable, and supporting people with compassion, patience and trust.In this episode, we discuss:What post-separation abuse is and how it connects to coercive controlWhy leaving an abusive relationship does not always mean immediate safetyHow abuse can continue through threats, intimidation, monitoring and reputation damageHow children and parenting arrangements can be used as tools of controlThe impact of small-town visibility, sexuality, stigma and being outedWhy people may not recognise coercive control while they are experiencing itWhy it is not the victim survivor’s responsibility to change the person using violenceWhat communities and services can do to respond with accountability and careIf you are in immediate danger, call 000.For 24/7 family, domestic and sexual violence counselling and support, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.LGBTIQA+ specialist FDV support is available through the Rainbow Sexual, Domestic and Family Violence Helpline on 1800 497 212.In Western Australia, you can contact the Pride in Respect Specialist FDV Support Service on 0481 080 201.For more information, resources and support links, visit prideandrespect.org.au.About Pride in RespectPride in Respect is a community partnership between Living Proud, GRAI, Transfolk WA and WAAC, generously funded by the Department of Communities.This podcast was proudly produced by Pineapple Fingers. Visit pineapplefingers.com.au for more information.If this conversation was meaningful to you, please subscribe, share the episode, or pass it on to someone who may need support.The Pride in Respect podcast is recorded on Whadjuk Noongar boodja. We acknowledge and pay our respects to the Whadjuk people of the Noongar Nation and their Elders past and present as the traditional custodians of this land. We also honour Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander LGBTIQA+ people, including Brotherboys, Sistergirls and trans mob, and recognise their resilience, strength and deep connection to Country.