Proverbs: How to Build a Life: Wise Counsellors

Part of "Proverbs: How to Build a Life," Grant Clark opens the first of a two-part look at wise counsellors, asking why we need trusted voices speaking into our lives at all. The argument is simple: to build the kind of life Jesus has for us, we need other people. Next week's message turns to how to choose those voices.Grant opens with a scene from the BBC comedy "Amanda Land," in which a mother turns to ChatGPT for help talking to her teenage son, and ends the night asking the chatbot whether she is a good mother. He notes that in April 2025 OpenAI described one of its own updates as "overly supportive but disingenuous," excessively flattering and sycophantic, and rolled it back.The cultural data he cites: a 2026 Pew finding that 10 percent of American adults had used an AI chatbot for emotional support or advice; KFF finding 16 percent had sought mental health advice from AI in the previous year, rising to 28 percent among 18 to 29 year olds; and an ABC report that roughly one in five young people aged 12 to 21 in the United States have used AI chatbots for mental health support. Research from OpenAI and MIT associates heavier use with greater loneliness, emotional dependence, and reduced real world social interaction.The whole book of Proverbs is itself a conversation between a wise counsellor and someone who needs wisdom, a father speaking to his son. Not all voices carry equal weight. Proverbs presents a cast of characters, some to seek out and some to avoid:The Wise (Proverbs 1:5; 3:13-18; 9:8-9)The Simple / Naive (Proverbs 1:22; 7:7; 9:4; 14:15)The Fool (Proverbs 1:7; 12:15; 15:5; 26:1-12)The Scoffer / Mocker (Proverbs 3:34; 9:7-8; 13:1; 15:12; 22:10)The Wicked (Proverbs 4:14-19; 10:6-7, 24-32; 12:5-7)The Righteous (Proverbs 10:3, 6-7, 24-32; 11:5-8; 24:15-16)Lady Wisdom (Proverbs 1:20-33; 8:1-36; 9:1-6)The Forbidden Woman (Proverbs 2:16-19; 5:1-23; 7:1-27; 9:13-18)The Friend (Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 27:5-6, 17)The Parent / Instructor (Proverbs 1:8-9; 2:1-22; 4:1-27; 6:20-23; 23:22-25)A wise counsellor is someone whose life we know and want to imitate, not simply someone with a confident voice who always knows the right thing to say. They fear God, they are humble and teachable, they listen carefully and speak honestly, and they want our good more than our approval.## We all have blind spots.Proverbs 12:15 and Proverbs 21:2 set the problem: the fool's way is right in his own eyes, and all a person's ways seem right to him. A wise person accounts for their own biases and preferences and goes to others for clarity. Grant tells of a friend who returned from a conference having learned that the average person has 2.8 blind spots and asked his wife to name them, and of his own weekend at the beach where everyone but him could see he was covered in a rash. The point of both stories is the same: other people saw what he could not see himself.Christians have more reason than anyone to expect to find sin and blind spots, and more reason than anyone to be secure when they hear it."The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope". - Tim KellerMany people will tell you what you want to hear. Wisdom is choosing on purpose to be told what we need to hear.Independence makes us Foolish. Community makes us Wise.## Three cultural forces that keep us from asking."I Know Best""I Know Myself""God Told Me"The first is the pull of individualism, which hears asking for help as weakness. Proverbs 18:1 answers it: one who isolates himself pursues selfish desires and rebels against all sound wisdom. The second leans on self-knowledge, the Enneagram, Myers-Briggs, DISC, StrengthsFinder, family of origin work, attachment styles, Keller's "Counterfeit Gods," all good gifts that can still tip into "I am the expert on me." The third is a privatized faith that cannot be questioned. Ephesians 3:12 is true, in him and through faith in him we can approach God with freedom and confidence, and we do hear from God ourselves. But underneath all three sits the same assumption, that I can discern God's wisdom without needing God's people.## Many and sound.Proverbs 15:22 says plans fail when there is no counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 20:18 says finalize plans with counsel and wage war with sound guidance. The words to notice are "many" and "sound." Many, because going to a single voice makes us codependent on it. Sound, because the voice should be helpful, godly, thoughtful, unbiased, honest, and pointed toward Jesus and his Word. Proverbs 13:20 adds that the one who walks with the wise becomes wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.Reflection Questions:1) What are the loudest and most influential voices in your life, at the moment?2) What content are you consuming, that could be shaping how you think about, see, and respond to the world?We do not go to many counsellors for permission or for consensus. We go for clarity. Grant recounts the decision to move his family from South Africa to San Diego, and a Zoom call in which Chris Winant heard his worry that the move might be a pandemic era overreaction and answered that the decision was not Covid caused but Covid inspired.## Give wise people permission to speak.Identify them: people who know you, who fear God, whose lives you would want to emulate, and who will tell you the truth. Invite them, because no one knows you are wrestling with something unless you say so. Give them permission to ask any question. If what they say is hard to hear, you do not have to accept it in the moment, but go away and pray and process it. Test the counsel against Scripture, in prayer, and against the character of Jesus. Then take your next step.## Start with Jesus.Through the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5 to 7, Jesus repeats "you have heard it said, but I say to you," which means following him involves unlearning as much as learning. In John 14:6 he says he is the way and the truth and the life. Matthew 7:24-27 closes it out: both builders hear the words of Jesus, both build a house, both face the same storm, and the difference is that one acts on what he heard. Jesus is not only our wise counsellor. He is the way, the truth, and the life, and he asks us to hear his words and do them.Two closing questions. Who has permission in your life to tell you something you do not want to hear? And is there a decision you are currently making alone that you should bring other people into, not for consensus or permission, but for clarity?Verses referenced:Proverbs 12:15Proverbs 21:2Proverbs 18:1Proverbs 15:22Proverbs 20:18Proverbs 13:20Ephesians 3:12Matthew 5-7John 14:6Matthew 7:24-27