Oh, what a hot mess. How about you listen up? Just fucking go. You're screwing up the world.
Bobcat. You're not listening to the podcast. Harris, the winner. I'm a game-worthing.
Welcome to the Pope cast with Brendan O'Nay. Sit down and enjoy your point. Hey, uh, so... I'm not gonna do the usual start, but...
So, Michelle, I have a... a good Riley's rules for you. I'm not gonna do the clear. I need to.
I've got a lot of... that 12 things here. I need you to weigh in on them. I'm happy to do that.
Me and Ruff will give our two cents, but I think you should be the final authority on this. So, this was spawned by a word I heard earlier this week, or a phrase I heard earlier this week, and it was called a Poseidon kiss. No. No.
Me either. Yeah. So, tell me what you're waiting for you to get on. Right.
So, it's when you take a shit and the water splashes up and hits you in the asshole. Oh, my God. I was thinking that is hilarious. I've never heard of it before.
And, uh, there's gotta be some other awesome weird words out there these days. And Ruff has one that he uses, I think is fantastic, and this... the epitome of what this type of new word is. Ruff, what's your word?
I should lead in there. The word is glamestrings, or the glutes meet the hashings, the perfect pairing of the two. Glamestrings. So...
Hey, nice. So, I found a bunch of words. We're gonna go through, I got 12 of them if we wanna do all 12. Um, new words and their definitions, and I want Michelle to rule on if they are good or if they're shit.
Okay, got it. Michelle's right. You're wrong. It's Rani's news.
Ready? Here we go. Right. Hey, Mommy.
Uh, Master Dating. Oh, this is going out alone to a movie or a restaurant. Master Dating. Well, it's clever.
Uh, here you go. I kinda like this one. It's so stupid. I'm a big fan of doing those things.
I always, uh, I remember studying some girls in my high school because I went to a movie by myself once. Oh, yeah. Girls have an issue with that. And I said, well, I wanted to go to the movie and no one else did.
So I went to the movie. Very simple. Uh, I'll allow it. I'll allow it.
Alright. Master Dating. I like it. I agree.
I think it barely gets in there, but it's good enough. I feel like though the fact that it lacks its sexual nature, it's so misleading. Yes. Well, it could be the end of the night.
Yeah, I guess that's right. Yeah, like to me that, but you just, you just said it there, Michelle. Like it would be that you go out by yourself and come home and do that. That's a master date.
Yeah. I think that's the definition and adjustments to the definition. Yeah, that works. I love it.
Uh, rough. This one is, uh, just for you. Um, this is a nonversation. I love it.
A completely worthless conversation, AKA small talk. Love it. I think that's great. That's fantastic.
Nonversation. I love it. Um, an errorist. As opposed to a terrorist.
Erist. Someone who repeatedly makes mistakes or is always wrong. Yeah. Yeah.
I can think of some people I might call that. Right. So Michelle, I'm going to allow it. Allow it.
Um, an asshole. Someone who asks many stupid pointless or obnoxious questions. Ask Cole. How do you smell that?
ASK, H-O-L-E. Ask Cole. I see. I'm not liking that one.
Oh, I like that. I think that's great. Alright. I'm liking it sounds though.
It doesn't roll. No. Ask Cole. Not really.
Alright. Uh, here's another one. I'm going to ask her Bader. That's someone who just asked like rhetorical questions themselves.
Ask her. Themselves? Ask her Bader. Okay.
I don't want this one. Let's go with, uh, bedgasm. The feeling of you for your experience when climbing into bed at the end of a long day. Oh no.
That sounds like something that would be in a Catholic cartoon. Oh, that's cool. Good call. I think it's forced.
It doesn't flow at all. It's bedgasm. Yeah. It's terrible.
Um, unlightening. Learning something that makes you dumb. No. Ask Cole.
Damn it. I can't like that one. It is stupid though. Um, text-pectation.
The anticipation felt when waiting for a response to a text. I like that one. Text-pectation. Yeah.
Uh, that's a real issue. That's a real issue these days. There's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's an un-rules to the amount of time it should take to reply to a, to a text. Only if you're single and bathing.
Well, to the rest of the world, no one cares. Okay. Well, there you go. There you go.
Uh, car-colepsy. A condition where a passenger falls asleep as soon as the car starts moving. I like it. I like it.
I like it. I do not have that condition, but I like it. I have the condition when I'm driving in the middle of the afternoon, like, I'm a Saturday running drinking the night before. I'll have that.
Usually while I'm driving, I'm the driver. Oh, yeah. Well, that's good. Yeah.
That's a little dangerous, but yeah, I, I'm, I'm car-coleptic for sure. Ambitches. Striving to be more of a bitch than the average bitch. No assholes.
That shouldn't even made this discussion. That's terrible. Uh, oh, Michelle, this one's for you. Um, unkeyboard donated.
When you're unable to type it out, repeat it making some mistakes. Yeah, that's me. I mean, I don't like it, of course, but it is me. I'll admit it.
It's me too, actually. Combersome, but all. Yeah, it doesn't work as a word, but I like the concept. Um, Judgers, what is it?
Judgers not? No, no, I say no more. I don't want to hear it. I'm one more word about this.
A huge impending sneeze you can't prevent. No, just sneeze. Damn it. I thought I'd get threw over.
I like that a lot over Juggers not and finally D SMS who had sex with someone who looked identical to them but is not related. That's awesome. D SMS that's awesome. I thought the definition be like a person who has sex to someone who looks exactly like the person I really have sex or that's not bad either.
like a second choice, you know, like a... Well, yeah. Could it also be like the husband and wife that start buying the same glasses and working the same clothes? I think that works, sure.
Yeah. That's a very disturbing thing to me. Like, I have an issue with that being an airport dweller than I am. Yeah.
I witness a lot of doppelbanging according to that definition. It pisses me off. Good God. What's the world coming to?
Oh, it's a...it's not a place, man. Senior house. Oh, I try and stay in my house as much as possible. That's a smart thing.
It's really better for everyone. Whoever knew Prospect High was such a budding suburban wonderland. I really enjoyed it. I couldn't believe that I'm on a space between the houses.
Well, but that's actually sort of specific to my little subdivision or whatever. I mean, there are some other areas, but our little spot is kind of unique. I'll say. Don't get your hopes up.
Got it. Oh, there are some houses for sale. Come on over. No, I'm fine.
Well, so Michelle, how's the new house? You know, it's great. It's been...I don't know. It's been super chaotic.
I mean, my life is so chaotic anyway. And then moving here was very chaotic. So we moved in a week ago, Saturdays, coming up at our second week. Wow.
And Joel, of course, has been gone for almost...I think this is his third night that he's spending in the house. You can put together some PTO time for the moving... I know, right? Well, the reality is that this whole thing happened so fast that all of these plans were made well before we decided to buy a house.
Yeah. He has not scheduled anything new since he knew that we're going to be really in here, but that's still taking him until like the 15th of December. So anyway, Joel hasn't been home, so it has been a little crazy. But actually, it was just yesterday that I decided to say, you know, I think it's pretty nice here.
I guess I do like it. Right. Well, Rafi can appreciate this. Like, I didn't really think through the fact that I would probably be running into people that I grew up with.
Oh, yeah. That's something. Yes. I didn't think through that.
I knew I was coming by my dad and then I grew up in the area and all that. But I guess I just didn't really consider that. Like last week, we were at Home Depot and I saw someone I recognized. Let's just head off.
I don't recognize me and it doesn't matter, but it was just like, oh gosh, we might get to Meg's afterwards and I'm sitting in the diner thinking, oh my God, do I have to look around here all the time now? So it's just very strange. Oh, yeah. Like, very, very, very, very, very, very first trip to the grocery store.
I'm in the grocery store and I'm hopping around. Who did I run into? My staff sister. Like, we're probably the first time I met the grocery store.
So it was just so funny that it's just like, okay, this is what it is now. And so I'm running into my staff. I said, don't get me wrong. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy it.
It's just ironic that that's the person I have to see right now, why can't I go to the grocery store and it's not? The step sister aside is running into these people or the possibility of running into these people positive or negative. Well, it's just kind of something I hadn't considered. Yes, neither.
I don't think it's a positive or a negative. Exactly. I just was like, oh, wow, I guess that might be happening. Like, it didn't really think about it.
You know, I've been a bit of a nomad. I've been moved around a lot. I've literally been like Bruce Willis in the sixth sense now for like eight years. And when I bought this house, there was a certain like, it's like a cold breeze that came in and just sort of hit me like, people will know me.
Oh, yeah. It could be anybody. It could be just someone down the street commenting on something that's friendly. And I'm like, why the fuck are you saying that?
I saw you the other day. I'm like, why did you see me? Where did you see me? I'm not using anyone knowing me.
So I'm adjusting back to life and society. You saw me? What the hell you care? Me?
No, I'm saying. Right. Right. Why are you noticing?
Give me a look. Yeah. Plus, you know, you're so used to having certain short hands. I remember the last time I went to a high school reunion, which was, I don't know, whenever my 20, I would be, oh wait.
Thinking like, oh, of course I know I've been one of my school. Of course I knew all the people in my class. Of course I did. Like feeling no trepidation.
Like, oh, it'll be fun. You know, get in there. And then the second I got there going, holy shit. I don't remember any of these people.
I don't remember their names. I don't remember anything. And then it was just like total panic because I would look at someone and I'd be like, oh my God, what is your name? I know that feeling too.
And I'm feeling like, of course I know these people, but no, I really don't. And you know, I mean, I don't need to point this out to anybody, but I have now lived in Chicago much longer than I ever lived in Wheaton. You know, I grew up in Wheaton, I lived in Wheaton from 79 to 88. And then I went to college, you know.
And I lived in Chicago from the mid 90s to now, you know. So it's been a lot. I don't know. It's just a weird adjustment.
But Francis, my son, the three year old has said some funny things. Like Friday night, Joel has just gotten homeless Friday night. And there's no groceries in the house. I'm like, come on, we're going because we live in, roughly living in Glen Allen where you can still walk.
That's nice. I heard you move there. That's cool. Yeah.
So I said, come on Fran, let's go. And he goes, are we going to O'Shannessys, which is our pub in Chicago, you know, in a neighborhood? And we're like, no, we're not going O'Shannessys. We don't live there anymore.
And he's like, oh, I want to see Mike. He's got his bartender at the... Yeah. And I see Maya.
I'm like, now we're not seeing Maya anymore. And every time we leave the house, he says, are we walking or driving? And I was like, we're driving big. We drive to school every day now.
That's what we do. Oh, why don't we walk? I'm like, it's too far to go anywhere. And then, you know, he just says funny things.
Every time we're out somewhere, he goes, are we going back to the big house? That's awesome. Yes, we're going back to the big house. So, yeah, he's cracking me up with some of this stuff.
Yeah. Where do you live in Guinilla? I live on Park Boulevard, just right by the high school. Okay, my west.
Okay. Yeah, that's nice. Guinilla is an idyllic community. Yeah, it seems to me.
I mean, I'm looking for a bit. We haven't really met too many people. But of course, I know, you know, Tara, my pseudo-cousin lives here. Jennifer L'Carloops here.
And some people I can work with live here. So, yeah, we make an exit with other people too. I do like a code word for white. Yeah, it kind of is.
I mean, come on. I'm joking. I have no idea. But let me tell you, it's already a thousand percent more diverse than we.
And that's all I'm going to say about that. Oh, that's awesome. My cousin Jill lives there, Michelle. She grew up there.
It's Guiniman. Guiniman knows her, actually. Oh, perfect. Yeah.
And she went to California. She was out there when I lived there and then moved back to Glen Allen. She's closer to the, um, shit. A closer like Illinois.
Yeah. Like by Abraham Lincoln. Yeah. Oh, she's like right over there.
And her husband, Jack, tells me that there's a lot of slingers in Glen Allen. Is that right? Yeah. He said he was in a party in their neighborhood.
And this one, the guy's wife was really hot. And he said she'd walk by and like, how in this circle, like lifted up the back of her shirt, right in front of her husband. And he was like really cool with it. And Jack was like, whoa, I think I'm in a slingers party.
That was the end of the story. But I'm sure there's more to the story. You'll find out, Michelle. Well, I don't think so.
You and Joel, get ready. Slingers are everywhere. Trust me on that. Well, I don't think they're in Riley area.
You're blind. You're blind. Close. Yeah, dog.
Alright, Michelle, we're gonna bring something up a topic I wanted to bring up. And we're very passionate about it. I don't know if you'll be so passionate. So you're welcome to rip us at any turn.
There's a discussion I had over the weekend with my kids and I think Allison was a little involved too. We were out to brunch and we were comparing pancakes versus waffles versus toast, which is better and why. Oh. And my answer is French toast and it's not even close.
The others are not even in the discussion. Oh my god. I was gonna say French toast. Yeah.
And my boy were on the side of pancakes, although Liam goes, but a Belgian waffle is really good. I'm like, yes, it is. But you got to pick one. I think you want to pick up a pancakes or whatever.
The Belgian waffles a distant third to either the other two. I think so too. And I've done correctly. It's tough to be French toast.
That's what I'm saying. It's the best of all worlds. It is the... It's got the pancakes.
Don't get me wrong. When you have a really good French toast, you forget about the fucking pancakes. You want to talk about them? You think all three of us agree?
I think so. Son of a bitch. But here's the thing. I have not eaten pancakes.
Waffles were French toast in probably nearly 40 years. Oh my god. But now I have a three-year-old son, so they have suddenly become part of our world now. So now, you know, they're at least a weekly.
It's not, you know, several times a weekly, you know, activity here at our house. Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't... You can't drink it.
You can't drink it. Yeah. I can't believe we all agree on this. This is mind blowing.
I was a little bit nervous. You know, this is waffle. Like, if you come up with waffle as number one, we should have a separate segment on you. Yeah.
Oh, it's... You have some sort of a mental problem. Yeah. That's right.
Jim Jack has a thing about when you go. If you go and you get pancakes for breakfast, like on a Saturday, he's like, they should just call that don't make any plans. Yeah. Just go back to bed.
Carve load for your nap. All right. Well, I don't have much else. I did have a little note that I saw today, just as a side note.
A 19-year-old kid in Oklahoma was shot speeding, going 208 miles an hour. What? They clocked him... Something like, they clocked him doing 84.
And then they chased him and he got it up to like 170-something. And then he really was trying to evade him and got his souped up Mustang or something up to 208. Ooh. Ruff, what was the fastest you've gone?
You know, believe it or not, as a driver or passenger. As wacky as I may be, I'm actually pretty responsible behind the wheel. And I don't think I ever cleared an ID, frankly. Get the fuck out of here.
This is what I got. Yeah. In fact, I don't think I ever got my wasn't until 88. I think I got that thing up to like 90-95.
That's it. I go 92 and from my in-laws. No, yeah, me too. But I mean like that's it.
I go 90- normally, I go 90 as a high. That's it. I think I broke 105 once maybe, but that's about it. I'm generally in the past, I've been in cars that really should not deal that fast.
It really gets unsafe when everything starts shimming back and forth. By the way, I have a topic. If and when you exhaust your topics, I have a good topic. Bring it on.
It's one that's near and dear to my heart and it just entered my mind when you mentioned the guy going 208 miles an hour. The topic is what things or is there anything that is really mundane in nature? In other words, it happens all the time, but that makes you so angry that we all... Damn it!
Like we force you to like control yourself and not beat somebody else. This is one of my favorite topics ever. Yeah. I have brought this up to a number of people.
The exact same concept. And I have a definitive one. The way I would couch it is the smallest thing that elicits the most rage. Yeah, that's it.
The smaller the better and you have to overreact so much that it's ridiculous. Yeah, there's no reason for you to act this way. But that's what it is. And I have an answer off the top of my head, it's the one, and it makes me mad just thinking about it.
Please proceed. So irrational and stupid, I should be put in a mental institution for this. Ready? Yes.
I'm dropping anything ever. If I drop my car keys in the car... Oh wait, if you do it? If you do it?
Yeah. If I drop anything, I get so... I can't control my rage. I lose years on my life because my heart stops for about 10 seconds.
Oh, it's ridiculous, but it's absolutely true. I can't handle it. I get so angry. Internally, I don't...
I'm so glad I asked this question. Oh my God, that's a great one. What's yours? Well...
I assume you have one loaded them right. Oh, I've got a few, but it's not involving anything that I do because I never find fault in anything I do, but... Of course. It has to do with...
I'm very sensitive to sound. So in other words, chewing. Oh, that's my husband. Oh, and it's going to be bad.
It can't just be like... It happens usually when it's very quiet and I hear it. Just like the... I just want to...
I want to take something and I want to beat the person with it. I want to take a piece of wood or something and just beat someone and just bludgeon that. When they're doing that. And I can't stop doing that.
What I'm saying with that. It could be in public. It could be in my house. It could be one of my daughters getting, you know, special cake.
But it's not necessarily like, especially obnoxious chewing or loud or open mouth is just really sort of mundane chewing. It's just that I can hear it. Yeah. That's how Joel is.
Really? Yeah. He's killing me with like a letter opener or something. Just to accumulate.
I'm very near. Oh, it's amazing. It's also, there's another one too. It's the unnecessary and loud tapping.
Like, let's say you're at a dentist's office or whatever and you're sitting waiting to go in and the person like succeeds down from you is just tapping their foot. I want to take their foot on a break. They're tibient half. I just want to snap it.
Why don't you leave it in the surface? That's me like that irrational is any computer delay. I'm going to have an absolute break down. That's timely.
It is timely and I was having a meltdown. Yeah, it's bad. It's really bad. Or you know what else?
This is okay. This is probably even more in consequences. I don't think computer delay is. This is embarrassing.
Okay. You know when you get actually, I actually thought about this today. You know when you get someone to voicemail or an auto or even like an automated, automated phone voicemail. Any of this, right?
And you're waiting for the beat to come. And then it just keeps it just keeps delaying. Like, you're the right. So literally here's what I was doing.
I was listening to a WebEx today. So there's audio. I'm calling someone. I'm trying to leave a voicemail.
I'm muting the audio. But I still, because it was the end of the call and her message was over. And it was still 10 more seconds of, please leave a message after the beat. And I'm like, in my mind, immediately jumping to a conspiracy theory around this is how they get you more minutes on your phone.
They say, pass it to seconds until you can leave your message. When I could have just walked into the bathroom and come back in a time that it took them to do this stupid fucking automated message. So you hate inefficient out doing that? Oh shit.
Well, how about just adding one thing to that? Why do they have to give you any directions as to what to do? Right. On the voicemail.
Oh, hey, it's Brendan. It's not here. Yeah, you know what the fuck to do. When it beats, you're going to leave your message.
You don't need directions on that. Because we and people older than us are old enough to have used those old answering machines that were brand new and no one knew how to use them. And we had to instruct them then and we just have never grown out of that shit. That's not it.
It's rough. I'm not hoping I'll leave the message at the beat. I love the putting production value into your message. I have another topic.
This is fantastic. This one is as irrational and odd as any. It has to do with airports. So that's a whole other category.
But nonetheless, it's one. There's two parts to it. One of them has to do with TSA. Let's set that aside for a second because I'll get angry even talking about it.
Oh, yeah, for sure. But the other involves just the boarding process in any small talk travel related conversation during said process. I believe we define that as nonversation. Nonversation, right.
So here's an example of that. You're in line. You have your headphones in because you hate everyone. And you're just staring straight ahead.
And the person next to you says something like, this is really crazy. That's a call. There's something about that conversation, that type of engagement that makes me want to die. I have to restrain myself from disemboweling the guy with a spoon because it's unbelievable.
Who are you talking to? Do you want to fucking answer to that? Why are you speaking? What is this?
Oh, Ralph, that's a good one. It's exactly. I give that look that Javier Bardem gave in no country for old men. Yeah.
Look at him like that. Call it. Call it. Call it friendo.
That's a wonderful one. Yeah. The other is just any conversation with the essay at all. Yeah.
I mean, anything like. They're incentivized to be morons. Well, excuse me, sir, is this your bag? No, I'm fucking hanging around here.
Like I've got my bag. I already have it. I'm just standing here and I want to spend time with you. Fuckers.
Take your shoes off and your laptops out. Yeah, I got it. I've been flying for the last 10 years. But that's the thing, dude.
The rules change by the day. I know. And by the airport, it's ridiculous. They make up their own rules.
I'm taking all my shit off anyway, so regardless of what the rules are. Fuckers. All of them. Oh, here's another one.
I got another one. Yes. This is even more absurd. Getting the receipt for something you pay in cash.
Oh. I have a rational hatred for just getting receipts in general. Yes. But there's more, Michelle.
The manner in which you get the receipt. Sometimes people stack the receipt and the change and the dollars. I don't want that garbage. Throw away.
I'm taking cash. No, thank you on that receipt. Would you throw that away for me, please? I bought M&Ms.
What the fuck do I need a receipt for if I pay in cash? All right. And you know what else I hate is the restaurant receipt. Because that's something I'm definitely not going to return.
And any point in my life is why I'm not getting a receipt. And then to take that up, one more notch, I get even more rationally angry at my husband when he does take the receipt. Oh, otherwise, the other one's receipt. And why are you bringing it into my house so we can just throw it.
That's fantastic. Oh, shit. Because that's nothing. It's a zero.
You don't need it. I know. But I think you just pointed out the smallest possible thing. It's it's it doesn't affect you.
You didn't see it. It's not in your pocket. It doesn't matter. It raises me.
I love that. Are you talking about the detail like the itemized? Yeah. Any receipt from a meal.
Yeah. Oh, God. That's great. That's amazing.
Yeah. I like it. I think that wins for smallest nothing. I thought mine was good, but holy shit.
I've got another one. Oh, this keeps on getting better. How about when someone comes up to you, stares at your watch and asks you if you have the time. I can't say that that's ever happened to me.
But wait. They're also holding a phone. Maybe they just want to talk to you sweetheart. And just say that.
I mean, just do something else. Excuse me. Do you have the time? Yeah.
So do you. It's on your fucking phone. Oh, no. I had that question.
Yeah. My answer will be yes and I won't go beyond that. If you're question is what time is it, then I'll give you the time. But do you have the time?
Yes. Walk away. I like it. I like this whole scenario we've got going on here.
This is going to come back again. I've got things added. I don't think they're small enough. I want to recalibrate.
Yeah, you got to give this some thought. Like we've come up with quite a few on the fly here, but it's if you sit and think about it, there's so many mundane things that anger you that all work discussion. I'll give my usual one. It doesn't it doesn't qualify.
It's not small enough. It's a real thing. I think. And that's particularly at work or I don't know.
It could be at the grocery store or whatever, but that happens to work a lot. People standing and talking or just standing still on their phone or whatever in a doorway or walkway. Oh, nothing enrages me more than rude people who don't think that there are other people in the world and then stand there. In a doorway.
It's a bottleneck. It's a funnel. Why are you there? Don't walk on the left side.
Yeah, see this whole topic makes me nuts because this is again, we're getting into airport type stuff. Standing and riding the moving walkway and stopping at the end. It's not a fucking carnival ride. Walk.
The whole thought of it. This whole thing makes me want to die. The talking on the rental car bus on the phone, the talking on the plane on the phone, hang up the fucking phone. Do you know that I still I'm the last person in America.
I am still self conscious about the phone. Oh, yeah. If I get in a taxi, I'm always like, oh, excuse me. I just need to take this and I was like, I don't care.
I'm going to talk on the phone this whole ride anyway. What do I care? I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I just need to take this for one second.
You're the carnival freak. Yeah. We're taking the call. Oh, I just thought of another thing that annoys me and I know that I'm the only person that feels like when people charge Starbucks.
You don't have three fucking dollars and you're welcome. That is funny. Michelle. I just the idea that you just charge everything now.
It's going to cost them more in fees to run that charge card than to pay the dollar 10 for whatever it is you're buying. It's their problem. It's a cashless society, Michelle. I know I'm getting over it, but I do.
I'll even apologize sometimes. I'm so sorry. I don't have $7. I only have five in my wallet.
They don't even know what to do with cash. I don't care. Go for it. They have no idea what to do with cash or if you hand it to them.
What's the smallest amount you have used a card for? Oh, she has come coffee. Handing it to a person. Yeah.