Purity Culture Recovery: Shame, Deconstruction, and Autistic Masking (w/ Erica Smith)

Purity culture. High control religion. Autistic masking. In this episode, Brett (The AuDHD Boss) gets vulnerable about growing up in a fundamentalist evangelical environment—and how rigid rules and shame can stay in your body long after you’ve “left.”Brett is late-diagnosed Autistic + ADHD, and in this conversation with author and educator Erica Smith, they explore why purity culture can feel especially “sticky” when you’re used to rule-following, people-pleasing, and masking for safety. Erica is the author of The Purity Culture Recovery Guide: The Shame-Free Sex Education You Deserve and founder of the Purity Culture Dropout Program—inclusive, trauma-informed education many of us never received.In this episode we talk about:What purity culture is (and how it became a movement)How shame and fear shape relationships and identityWhy rigid rules can feel “safe”—and how to replace them with your valuesWhat “deconstruction” means and how it can support healing“Is it too late?” (No. Ever.)Late coming-out, “second adolescence,” and reclaiming your timelineHow to talk to partners about your background without apologizing for itLinks & resources:Erica Smith’s book (affiliate): https://bookshop.org/a/108800/9798881801304Purity Culture Dropout Program: https://www.ericasmitheac.com/the-purity-culture-dropout-programMore from AuDHD Boss: AuDHDboss.com(For education and lived experience—not medical advice.)00:00 Purity culture, high control religion & autistic masking00:56 Leaving the church, carrying shame + rigid rules01:47 Meet Erica Smith + The Purity Culture Recovery Guide02:47 What purity culture is (broad + specific)04:15 Why it took hold in the 90s (True Love Waits)05:46 Reading recovery work when it feels activating07:42 Skip to the chapters you need (how Erica designed the book)10:10 Myths and misinformation purity culture taught12:59 Long-term impacts: fear, paralysis, pain, disconnection14:53 Autistic masking + rigid rule-following overlap16:04 Replacing rules with your values18:02 What “deconstruction” means18:47 “Is it too late?”21:27 Late coming-out + “second adolescence”24:49 Why “waiting for marriage” still has a hold28:02 Talking to partners without apologizing30:18 Final thoughts + where to find Erica