It's the one thing that makes you wake up in the morning and actually want to get up instead of laying there in your bed and living your dreams because that world might be more entertaining than real life. But it's such an abstract concept. It's not something that is explored, I feel like, in Western society. We think of purpose more as one thing, like your career, or things like helping people where that's extremely vague and you don't even know where to start approaching that.
And the lack of purpose leads to, well, like the epidemic of drug addiction that really kind of plagues the US right now. Because people want to numb themselves or live in something else than the current reality because this reality is just too boring and pointless for them or too painful. And I empathize with that because I know how it feels like. I know what it feels like because I mean like every human, or maybe not every human, but a lot of humans just have experience at some point or another.
I still have days where I just kind of don't want to get up but less than this. Because I'm constantly just searching. I've been searching for a while for what I need to do. I've been writing just recording these.
There's a reason why I record these. I know that it's part of just what I have to do is through these episodes, I mean, I try to give my opinion on things to hopefully inspire other people to do the same and think for themselves. And also for me to figure out my truth or just the truth through talking and get into discussions and just get a better understanding of my beliefs. So that I know that doing this fits in my overall purpose.
And I also found out that for some reason, I actually not for some reason, I've been playing the piano for 11 years now. And I know I like music and I found out I was into making beats. So I've been going hard on it. Pretty hard.
Actually, I've been going pretty hard on it since two months ago. And my goal is to make money off of it. Because I really just need to. And I also, but I also realize that one thing I like about beats is that you're putting something out there for someone else to like one maybe just gem to or just add a creative layer on top of.
So it might be freestyle, it might be rapping, it might be singing over a beat maybe for some reason. And it's something that it's kind of out of your hands at some point. It becomes someone else's. It becomes kind of a cooperation between different people in creating, creating one thing and then having something else added on top of it or having another producer just collaborate and like take your beat on a different direction.
And I don't know, I really like that for some reason. So now when I'm bored or when I don't know what to do, I have something to work towards. I have that I can always like learn more about sound, about the piano because I really I can't sleep. It feels like I almost I can't breathe when I'm not doing what I feel like I should do.
And right now it's break and what's amazing about college breaks is that you don't have any work at all. Like I don't I don't have any work. So I can work on my beat skill-free, but it's something to put my time and energy and the other. It was one day I was feeling bitter.
So I made a bit of a beat about feeling bitter. I tried to put that emotion in it called the bitter and posted it instead of taking out my emotion on someone or being petty about it. Because I didn't advertise. I didn't advertise it as oh yeah I was feeling that I just I just that's the emotion.
I tried to give emotions in my beat. I tried to make a beat around an emotion or a concept and then just name it that but I decided to just direct all my energy and emotional energy towards that and towards a creative process. And that feels a lot better than just dwelling on it. But for some reason I'm saying all that and all these things like what I talked about me doing they fit into my purpose.
I just I feel it and I think we make our own purposes. I don't think it's it's something external. I think it's purely internal but I still haven't I still don't can't go to sleep sometimes. And I think what that is is because going to sleep signifies in a way that you're closing a cycle of another day.
When you go to sleep and dream that's when you decide that the day is done. And there's something I like about the nighttime. It's that I may have made an episode about it but I don't think I ended up posting it. There comes a certain time when I know that people are asleep or I expect people to be asleep and I get into the zone.
I don't worry about who's texting me. I don't worry like ah did this guy or like this girl like text me back. Oh I really want to hear from this person. What's like what's happening on this fucking website.
I just get into the zone and work on what I need to and the problem is that I get tired. So sometimes I want to stay up and I get into the zone but I'm too tired to really doing thing. So I end up procrastinating and then I don't want to go to sleep and it's anxiousness. It's anxiousness I'm not doing the right thing and that's why purpose is so iffy.
That's why purpose I don't think we're talking about it the right way because although I'm doing all these things that I think they're into my favorite purpose why I'm redirecting extra energy I have to wait something good. I still have a lot of worries in my life from other sources and it's worries that my creative outlets sometimes can't cover. Like for beats is because I'm from what I know I don't know a whole lot about making beats. I'm very limited so I'm just constantly learning.
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore but basically everyone should find their purpose in that everyone should find what they want to live for. I don't believe in heaven. I don't believe in hell. I believe if there's a God they wouldn't differentiate between good and bad because good and bad are driven from a perception.
There's a need for humans to believe in good and bad. There's a need for humans to differentiate between it but I believe it's a human thing and if there was a God they would be greater than just differentiating between good and bad. I don't believe in hell. I don't believe in reincarnation so I believe that this is the only life we have and I like that because that gives a lot of value to the life I have right now and I can't waste it away.
It's just the fact that we have emotions, how mind blowing that is. How mind blowing it is that I can close my eyes and imagine just another place like my childhood home and walk through that in my mind. Like images, sounds, maybe smells, you know. It's great to be human but it also comes at a price.
There's going to be a lot of hard shit you're going to have to go through as a human but everyone does. And I never want to get to the place where I rely on drugs or other things to kind of get me to waste time until the time I die or even just sleep walk my way through life. I don't ever want to sleep walk my way through life. So find your purpose.
Just try stuff. Surround yourself with people who you want to be like. Don't surround yourself with people who are going to bring you down with them. Thank you and have a great day.