Pushback: How to Be Assertive Without Losing Yourself with Tonya Lester

In this episode, I’m joined by psychotherapist, relationship expert, and Psychology Today blogger Tonya Lester to talk about her empowering new book, Pushback: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself. If you tend to avoid conflict, over-accommodate others, or struggle to speak up for what you need, this conversation offers a refreshing and deeply practical perspective on assertiveness. Tonya shares why being “difficult” — not cruel or combative, but clear, honest, and self-respecting — is often essential for building healthier relationships and a more authentic life. Together, we explore the hidden costs of people pleasing, the ways women are often conditioned to prioritize harmony over honesty, and how learning to “rock the boat” can actually create deeper connection and self-trust. In this episode, Tonya dicusses: 00:47 Harmony Trap Explained 02:15 Why Women Disappear 03:52 How This Pattern Formed 05:41 Home Labor Inequality 09:23 Pandemic Pressure Test 10:51 Whose Time Matters 12:41 Why Speaking Up Feels Hard 18:13 Guilt and Anger Permission 19:53 Shock Absorber Behavior 21:26 Weather Vane Emotions 24:21 Honesty Builds Intimacy 30:31 Scripts for Hard Talks 32:53 Couples Therapy Ice Bath 34:32 Where to Find Tonya Visit Tonya's website ________ NEW PODCAST! Realms of Curiosity with Sarah & Wendy (available in audio and video): Realms of Curiosity with Sarah & Wendy podcast Realms of Curiosity podcast on youtube BECOME YOUR OWN SHAMAN Introductory Online Course For more information about Wendy's new visionary fiction book, Raven's Daughter, or to purchase a copy, visit Three Worlds Press Visit Wendy’s website to learn more about the the Harmonic Egg® Lucid Cafe episodes by topic Listen to Lucid Cafe on YouTube ★ Support this podcast ★