Pushback: How to Be Assertive Without Losing Yourself with Tonya Lester

In this episode, I’m joined by psychotherapist, relationship expert, and Psychology Today blogger Tonya Lester to talk about her empowering new book, Pushback: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself.If you tend to avoid conflict, over-accommodate others, or struggle to speak up for what you need, this conversation offers a refreshing and deeply practical perspective on assertiveness. Tonya shares why being “difficult” — not cruel or combative, but clear, honest, and self-respecting — is often essential for building healthier relationships and a more authentic life.Together, we explore the hidden costs of people pleasing, the ways women are often conditioned to prioritize harmony over honesty, and how learning to “rock the boat” can actually create deeper connection and self-trust.In this episode, Tonya dicusses:00:47 Harmony Trap Explained02:15 Why Women Disappear03:52 How This Pattern Formed05:41 Home Labor Inequality09:23 Pandemic Pressure Test10:51 Whose Time Matters12:41 Why Speaking Up Feels Hard18:13 Guilt and Anger Permission19:53 Shock Absorber Behavior21:26 Weather Vane Emotions24:21 Honesty Builds Intimacy30:31 Scripts for Hard Talks32:53 Couples Therapy Ice Bath34:32 Where to Find TonyaVisit Tonya's website________NEW PODCAST! Realms of Curiosity with Sarah & Wendy (available in audio and video):Realms of Curiosity with Sarah & Wendy podcastRealms of Curiosity podcast on youtubeBECOME YOUR OWN SHAMAN Introductory Online CourseFor more information about Wendy's new visionary fiction book, Raven's Daughter, or to purchase a copy, visit Three Worlds PressVisit Wendy’s website to learn more about the the Harmonic Egg®  Lucid Cafe episodes by topic  Listen to Lucid Cafe on YouTube   ★ Support this podcast ★