Quarrel in the Quarantine

Last night, sh*t popped off. Had been a long week. Lots of stress. Long hours. Life whipping P and me. We chilled in the front room for a few hours. Played Aretha. Then Otis. Ended with Jodeci on vinyl. About 9:30, I went to the other room. Poured a gin. Turned on ‘Kelly’s Bad Movies.’ Started Homefront on a friend’s recommendation. P popped in an hour or so later, Her walk full of sass. “Damn. You’re not sleeping yet.” She said. “Not yet.” P eyerolled the TV. ` “I never get to watch my shows,” she sighed. “We always have to watch your sh*t.” “Whatever. There’s only like 15 minutes left and then I’ll go to bed.” “Fine.” P said and sat in her corner couch spot. Fifteen minutes passed. Then twenty. “Ughhhhh. You said 15 minutes. Is this ever going to end?” P played on her phone. Ten minutes later the credits started to roll. I grabbed the remote. Turned the TV off. Giggled a little to myself. Then stood and tossed the remote into P’s lap. P looked up. Sighed angrily. “Dammit! You always do this.” “Do what?” “Turn off the TV whenever it's actually my turn to watch.” “I would never….” “Just stop,” P cut me off. I’m not in the mood for your sh*t.” I watched P press the remote. TV wouldn’t respond. She hit it again. Still nothing. “Every night. Every single night you do this. And now it won’t even turn on.” “Worked fine for me.” P growled. Waved the remote in the air. Pressed power again and the TV finally turned on. “See. It’s fine,” I said and grabbed a string cheese from the fridge. “No. It’s not fine,” P snarled. I looked at the TV. She had Hulu pulled up. But the screen was frozen. None of her shows were loading. “If you just kept the TV on…. Ugh. I swear. You’re always such a jerk.” I pulled a string of cheese. Smiled. Turned. And headed up the stairs. “And now you broke the internet,” P shouted. “Because you always have to piss me off and turn off the TV.” I kept walking. “I’m so pissed at you. Seriously!” “Is it working yet?” I called from upstairs. “I’m sick of it. I’m so sick of your b******t. You need to write a story about this. About how you’re an a*****e.” Friends- I woke this morning alone in bed. Heard a crinkle in the pocket of my sweats. Reached in and found the empty string cheese wrapper. Then I went downstairs and ran the vacuum while P tried to sleep. We love you. And we’ll see you when we see you. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellylytle.substack.com