Oh, this is old, I wanna tell you about Uncle Fred and his mule. Now, I have told you about Uncle Fred Wheelheight before, but he's this man that lives down here at the end of the road and old Uncle Fred has probably got more money than anybody down here, and he is a real generous with his money. He is a church man and he gives heavy to the church and if they ever need anything up there like well he bought the air conditioning for him and if they ever need something they let him know and he gets it for him. Of course, he has a lot to say about what goes on in the church too, which he ought to eat, he pays the bills, he ought to have something to say about it.
At least that's my opinion, but anyway he has give to the school up here. They've asked him two or three times for stuff and he's let him have it and he's real generous but he's kind of curious and I ain't got no idea in the world how old Uncle Fred is. I can tell you he's way past 80, but he's got, you know, rheumatism but his forensics, his mind is concerned, I think he's just as smart as he ever was but he's kind of set in his ways, he's been by himself so long that he just kind of acts curious that way. Anyway, I was going to tell you about Uncle Fred's mule and he bought this mule from, well I'll tell you where he got it, he bought it from Cleveland Petty.
Now I don't know where Cleve got that mule but I can tell you that he got behind on his alimony payments and his wife or his used to be wife was squared off at him and she was going to have him put in jail if he didn't make up them payments and so he was trying to get rid of stuff, you know, sell stuff to raise the money so he wouldn't have to go to jail so he talked to Uncle Fred and Uncle Fred bought that race and mule and I can tell you that it was a race and mule, he is a race and mule, the reason I know is I learned it the hard way and I'll tell you about that in just a minute. Oh, I was telling you about Uncle Fred's mule and I told you that he was a race and mule and he is, I found out the hard way, see I was down there one time and Uncle Fred was down there and I was aggravating him like I do sometimes, you know, and like I told you Uncle Fred's kind of set in his ways and I was saying Uncle Fred I'm going to ride that mule. Well, he's like a lot of people, you know, he'll give you whatever he's got, he'll share anything with you but he wants you to ask him, you know, can you do it? And I understand that, you know, everybody's that way but like I say, I was just aggravating him and I said, I'm going to ride the mule and I want to pair and jump on that mule back and when I done that that mule took off like a streak of lightning and it told me that right flat of my butt and he didn't buck, he just run out from under me and Uncle Fred laughed, he thought that was funny and it, you know, it shook me up considerable but Uncle Fred said, well maybe that'll learn you, try it again, maybe he'll kill you, you know, he is a real, he don't really mean that stuff but that's just the way he talks but anyway, I never tried it again.
But see, a lot of people don't know it but a mule is not a stupid animal, a mule is a real smart animal and this mule, it depends on who you are about how that mule acts. You know, if a grown person goes up and jumps on that mule's back, well you better hold on because that mule is going to take off running as hard as he can go and I'm telling you that mule can run. But see, all of these kids around here ride that mule and that mule just goes, just walks off with him, he don't take off running, no kind of way, it's like he knows, you know, that if kids is, you know, fragile and he don't want to hurt nobody, so he just does that with the grown people. But with the kids, that mule is just as gentle as he can be and if somebody gets on his back and wants to go a little faster, you know, they can slap him on the flank and he'll kind of speed up a little bit, you know, he might, he might trot but he don't take off running like he done with me and that just shows you how smart a mule can be, they ain't stupid like people think they are.
Well, I'm going to tell you a little bit more about this mule and just a minute, I'm going to tell you a story and you might not believe it and I wouldn't believe it neither if I hadn't seen it but it sure happened and I'll tell you about that. Next, well, I can tell you that this mule has an easiest life of any mule that I have ever seen. I wish I had his life myself because he lives down in the pasture and he don't do nothing but eat and the kids all go down there and play with that mule and they'll bring him salt and he'll lick it out of their hands and it, like I say, if they want to ride him, well, he'll just walk off with him, you know, and if they want to, if they want to go a little faster, you know, they'll nudge him in the flank and he might trot with him but he's real gentle with him, you know, he don't want, he don't want to hurt him no way and a lot of times they'll go down there and ride that mule and Uncle Fred see he don't know nothing about it because he'll be up at the house and him kids will be riding that mule down in the pasture. But one time I mean a bunch of times some kids have rode that mule up to Uncle Fred's house and when he sees that it makes him so dead gum mad because see they didn't ask him could they ride it and so every time they come up there it makes him mad and Uncle Fred is a church man but that don't stop him from cussing, you know, when he gets mad and when them kids ride that mule up to the house what Uncle Fred will do is you watch him, he'll go out to, he's got a big peach tree there in the yard and he'll go out and cut him a switch and he starts, you know, trimming that switch and then what he's going to do is whoop them kids, well what they do they just jump off that mule's back and take off running and Uncle Fred can't catch him see because he can't run and he's you know all stove up with the rheumatism and he can't run and it makes him matter when they do that you know he goes to sputtering and calls him whoopers nappers and and and uh hellions and he's got all kinds of names for him and it just tickles him kids to death but he can't do nothing about it you know and so he that happens all the time you know they'll come up there whenever they want to have a little fun they'll ride that mule up to Uncle Fred's house and Uncle Fred will cut his switch and he'll come down to and he'll come out to kids and he's going to whoop them and they'll just jump off of the mules back and run off and and watch him you know when he gets mad and he can't do nothing about it of course he's Uncle Fred he can't see much at all and so he don't remember who they are he can't he can't know him by name and so if they come by to get some fruit or something you know they'll ask him for it he don't remember that they was the ones that he was mad at besides that he don't you know he don't hold a grudge once he gets over it you know he's alright but anyway I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you the rest of this story and I'm gonna tell you something that you might not believe and I hadn't seen it I wouldn't believe it but it's a truth well I'm gonna tell you now the rest of this story that you ain't gonna believe but them kids was down there in the pasture one day and they was riding that mule and of course Uncle Fred didn't know they was down there and old Freddy was you know he put his sister on that mule and that girl must have been about four years old and and he put her on that mule and and she was just tickled to death and she was riding that mule and that mule was walking up the road with her you know just as gentle as he could go and she was laughing and smiling and having a big time and I would I just happened to be up at Uncle Fred's that day him and me it was a Sunday evening about four o'clock and we was up there pitching horseshoes and I looked down the road and I seen that mule coming and that girl was on his back she her name is Nelly and she's about four years old well Uncle Fred he didn't know what I was looking at for many but when she got a little closer he's seen that it was somebody riding the mule he couldn't tell who it was but he wanted and got his switch like he always done and got to trim in that switch and that little old girl she didn't know who it was she didn't know what he was up to you know what that switch was I don't guess she'd ever had a whooping in her whole life and so Uncle Fred you know he got pretty close about ten foot of her and that mule stopped and Uncle Fred said you get down off of that mule well see that girl was she wasn't more than four years old she couldn't get off of that mule it was a long ways to the ground and she couldn't get off of it and she just sat there and that made Uncle Fred matter and so he took off I mean he took a step toward that mule and when he did that mule backed up a step and Uncle Fred see he took another step toward the mule and that mule turned around in the road and started walking away from Uncle Fred and Uncle Fred it made him mad and he started cussing that mule and he was calling him at first to come here come here Jenny and that mule didn't pay Uncle Fred no attention see that mule didn't want that little old girl to get a whooping and he know what Uncle Fred was up to and he had more sense than Uncle Fred did so Uncle Fred the matter he got the you know the the funnier it was and I come in to laughing and and it just made him madder and he kept trying to get that mule to turn around and bring that girl back and that mule wouldn't do it and so finally old Flossie she was in the house see she works for Uncle Fred and and she kind of you know control Uncle Fred and she heard the racket you know and heard all the cussing and she come out on the porch to see what was going on and she seen that little old girl and that girl was still laughing she thought it was all funny and and I you know I believed in my soul that that mule was laughing too I can't prove that but I believe he was but she said Flossie said Uncle Fred ain't you ashamed and she walked up there to that mule and got that little old girl down off of his back and that girl she commenced hugging that mule you know and that mule just stood there and Uncle Fred you know Flossie got to talk to him to him and she said Uncle Fred you ought to be ashamed of trying to scare that little old girl and Uncle Fred said well she wouldn't get down off of the mule and Flossie said well she couldn't how did you expect her to get down off of that big old mule and so Uncle Fred kind of you know got his temper under control and oh Flossie said how do you reckon she got up there in the first place and of course I know what had happened but I know that the boys had put her up there on that mule I didn't say nothing about it but anyway though mule finally turned around and went on back to the pastor and and that's the story of the mule that had more sense than his owner.