RE 105: Does Getting Sober Mean Just Not Drinking?

Today we have James, with 79 days sober. Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE. Does getting sober mean simply not drinking? No – not drinking equals a dry drunk. Getting stuck as a dry drunk also means that your life will not be as happy and fulfilling as it should be. This can lead to a slow downhill decline until you pick up drinking again. If giving up alcohol feels like a punishment, than you have entered into dry drunk land (www.alcoholrehab.com). Recovery does not mean returning to the life you had before drinking; it means moving through the challenges of what life throws your way. Symptoms of a dry drunk: Low stress tolerance Picking up other unhealthy choices (lay off the smokes Paul!) Loneliness Denial Refusal to accept what recovery means Romancing the drink Self-pity Being over-prideful Getting involved in meetings and being engaged in your recovery program can help you recognize these symptoms. If you feel like a dry drunk, you should examine your program to see what is missing. SHOW NOTES [ 12:30 ] Paul Introduces James who has been sober for 79 days. James feels lucky that the gifts and goodness of sobriety have come to him already. [ 13:15 ] James is 29 years old, lives in NJ and sells software. He enjoys going to the gym daily and golfing. [ 14:53 ] James discusses his drinking history James – I was your typical teenage binge drinker. When I went to college, I got involved with religion and the Bible and really did not drink much. After college, I ended up taking a job on Wall Street where drinking and drugs were prevalent. Even though I was drinking just like everyone else, I still struggled with my internal beliefs (Why are we all here?). I was making good money on Wall Street but my addictions kept me from making emotional connections. [19:25 ] James discusses how drugs and alcohol were only the solution. Reality was the real problem. James – I wanted to be able to look back on my life with pleasure regarding my relationships and the bonds that I had formed. Alcohol and drugs were keeping me from reaching this ultimate goal. I had tried to control my drinking but finally the pain was just too much to take. [ 21:06 ] James discusses his rock bottom James – I had been skidding against the rock for quite a while. I would go 3-4 weeks without drinking and then would just tear it up. This behavior went on for 2-3 years. It was like having 2 separate lives. I finally checked myself in to an outpatient rehab. This allowed me to start reconnecting to other people in the program. [ 25:00 ] What was it like after connecting with these people? James – I immersed myself in recovery (reading, writing, dialytic behavior therapy). It was hard getting out of my comfort zone but I started communicating better with my girlfriend, I stopped lying and began telling everyone I was done with drinking. [ 28:30 ] What were the reactions of the people you were telling? James – I was surprised at the amount of support I was receiving. My friends would joke that I should have gone to outpatient rehab 3 years earlier. I also felt like people respected me more for the work that I was doing in recovery. [ 30:21 ] What is your plan moving forward? James – I am taking it 1 day at a time. Not drinking enables me to have the life that I want to have. I am trying new things and keeping recovery fresh. [ 31:54 ] Paul and James discuss the passing of his father and how he is dealing with those feelings without using alcohol. James – I feel like I have only scratched the surface of life without alcohol. The full extent of my father's passing has not hit me yet. I want those feelings to come even if by a freight train. [ 32:58 ] Which recovery tool is resonating with you right now? James – Outpatient rehab has been the most helpful so far. [ 34:12 ] Rapid Fire Round What was your worst memory from drinking? When I was arrested and had to see my family's faces the next day. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? After my grandfather had passed away, I went out drinking and drugging. The next morning I woke up with the terrible feeling that something wasn't quite right. What's your plan moving forward? Keeping up with my DBT and trying to be of service to others What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? 1 size does not fit all What is DBT and what is it like? It helps with mindfulness and with staying in the moment. It teaches you how to not be impulsive. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Take a good hard look at yourself and try to find out what your underlying issues are. Get real with yourself. You might be an alcoholic if….. You continually feel depressed and anxious after a night of drinking. Resources: Sobriety Tracker iTunes Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected] DBT (dialytic behavior therapy) for people struggling with substance abuse problems, is a way to achieve self-acceptance while simultaneously accepting the need for change. There are four basic aspects to DBT: mindfulness, interpersonal relations, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. "We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"