RE 177: The Ego

Today we have from Jade. She's 27 years old, from Kentucky and has had her last drink on April 14th 2018. Today's Sponsor: Café RE The Ego: The part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and unconscious mind. It is in charge of reality testing and gives us a sense of personal identity. The self concept. A collection of beliefs that serve as the foundation for our bearings in life. A healthy ego can serve to give us something to lean on when times get tough. We believe in ourselves and are capable of handling adversity or difficult emotions. An unhealthy ego can cause us a lot of problems. When an ego gets unhealthy, it can keep us from living in the present moment because we harbor beliefs about ourselves that aren't congruent with reality. Letting go of an unhealthy ego is a big step in recovery. Jade, with about 2 months since her last drink, shares her story... SHOW NOTES [11:15] Paul Introduces Jade. Jade is a 27-year-old liquor store manager from Kentucky. She has a dog, and enjoys the outdoors, playing the piano and reading. [13:00] When did you first realize that you had a problem with alcohol? She started at 16. She realized she had a problem at about 25. She was in a failing relationship and was dealing with a lot of stress. She turned to alcohol. She made a first quit attempt, and during those 40 days she realized that her relationship needed to end. After relapse, she made friends with people who drank as much as she did. Many parts of her life revolved around alcohol. Once she started she realized she couldn't stop. [17:40] How hard was it to only have 1 or 2 drinks? Once she started, if she couldn't continue she would get irritable. At first alcohol was very social, but eventually she didn't want to be around people when she was drinking. She started only getting drunk alone. [20:30] Did you make any attempts to moderate your drinking? She would skip if she was super hungover. She switched from beer and wine to liquor. She figured it was less calories and better for dieting, and more concentrated so it was quicker getting drunk. [22:50] How did you end up quitting? She had been trying for two years. She started reading and listening to podcasts. She browsed the r/stopdrinking subreddit. She figured out that she couldn't do it alone, and that she needed to join a community. She made the step to reach out. She didn't think she was worth sobriety and she didn't think anyone would care. She found out the exact opposite was true. It has been easier than she thought. The community made the difference for her. [27:45] Have you had any cravings? What did you do? She had many. She would post on Cafe RE and engage the community there. "Playing the tape forward" helped as well. The loss of control always bothered her when she was drinking. [29:35] What have you learned most about yourself in sobriety so far? Her emotions aren't permanent. When her emotions got difficult in the past, she thought they were going to last forever and she would respond by running away from them. Now she is learning how to deal with them in a healthy way by sitting with them and listening to what they have to say. She doesn't need to reach for a distraction. She doesn't have to run away from her own mind as much. [31:31] What is the biggest challenge you've faced so far in sobriety? Getting out of the routine. She feels like something is missing. [33:42] Walk us through a day in your recovery. What's your plan to keep adding days? She tries to get up earlier to get a good walk in with her dog. She takes care of her dog, plays her piano. She disperses recovery nuggets throughout her day to help get her through. [35:19] So you were a manager at the liquor store? It hasn't been bad at all. She feels like she's made up her mind and doesn't feel any temptation. She is now able to identify the alcoholics that come in. She appreciates the flexibility she gets with her job and is able to also study. [39:40] Rapid Fire Round What was your worst memory from drinking? Blacking out and not remembering what happened. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? Instead of getting hangovers she was getting alcohol withdrawal with anxiety. What's your plan moving forward? She wants to go to more meetings to meet sober people. What's your favorite resource in recovery? What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? She felt like a burden asking people for help. Someone told her that by sharing her struggle it helped other people to stay sober. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? To reach out and find a support system. She was surprised by the amount of support she received. You might be an alcoholic if... "you leave your job at the liquor store to drive to the other liquor store across town to buy alcohol so your co-workers don't know how much you drink after work." Resources: Sobriety Tracker iTunes Sobriety Tracker Android Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected] "We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"