welcome back my friends to the career pivot accelerator the show where we turn the messy tricky sometimes political side of work into opportunities for growth confidence and leadership i'm peggy mcknight your career personal coach and secret weapon to a successful emotionally intelligent career today's episode is one of my favorites because it's about something we all go through but rarely talk about out loud it's that moment when someone at work twists the story they steal credit shift blame or paint themselves as the hero after leaving you in the dust and suddenly you're the one left cleaning up the emotional aftermath but here's the good news this episode isn't about them it's about you about reclaiming your story rebuilding your confidence and mastering the art of the comeback not the revenge kind but the graceful grounded kind they may have spun the story but you my friend you're controlling the ending all right my friend we are diving into something i love to explore and that is psychology i absolutely love studying human behavior not only my own and how i respond to people but also how people respond to me and just i love it absolutely love it so let's start right here the psychology of story why do people twist stories in the first place that's something that just really fascinates me it is all about perception and how you look at something it's like when studying psychology they use the analogy of a car crash and how people's accounts of the story and what took place could be dramatically different so that i get but why does reputation manipulation work so well in the office it's what psychologists call impression management or what i like to call reputation laundering it all comes down to psychology humans are storytelling creatures we make sense of chaos through narrative and whoever tells the story first loudest with the most confidence or the most convincing usually wins equally someone in my past uh work life has literally said that narrative needs to stop and that kind of really took me by surprise because i thought well that's interesting language to use why would you say that that narrative needs to stop if you're not the one trying to manipulate the narrative of how people perceive you fascinating just absolutely fascinating but psychologists call it narrative dominance it's the reason why a charismatic co-worker can rewrite history and suddenly be seen as the savior the one who can do no wrong you know who i'm talking about not the saboteur it's also why good humble professionals people like you and me often get sidelined because we think truth speaks for itself but at work truth whispers while spin often shouts so let's break this down there are three psychological levers behind every rewritten story one is the halo effect once someone has built up charm or credibility people forgive their mistakes more easily because oh how could they possibly do that no that's not them they're just so wonderful i mean that golden halo is just so rock solid on their head that there's nothing that will knock it over not that you're here to knock anyone's halo over but you know what i mean two is recency bias we remember what's fresh not what's factual who got there first who told the story oh it must be true well it's not always factual and three is conflict avoidance most co-workers don't want to challenge a narrative it feels safer to go along with it especially if you're in an office environment where the dynamics of everyone within that department are toxic and it will be a lot easier to have conflict avoidance because there are some strong personalities call them bullies if you want but the strong personalities usually aka this is going back to the spin often shouts these strong personalities will raise their voices or talk very loudly and forcefully to try and get you to side with them at the end of the day but here's where the real psychology gets juicy this isn't about villains and victims most people who launder their reputation aren't evil but in actual fact they're afraid afraid of failure afraid of being found out afraid of just not being enough because they constantly always say oh well i haven't got this and i haven't got that as if they're the martyr but they tend to side with or go to their favorite manipulative perception mode instead of facing reality because it's easy for them it's comfortable it makes them feel better it soothes their ego because they know okay i've managed to get somebody on my side they see my point of view which is bound to be right right and this is where your comeback begins because you're going to learn how to navigate these dynamics without losing your light call it your light call it your cool hopefully it's your light because ultimately we do not want to lose our cool within the office but at the end of the day we're both we're both we're all human let's talk about what it feels like when this happens to you when somebody starts to twist your story because if you've ever had your work dismissed your effort minimized or your reputation quietly sneered you know it's not just frustrating it's extremely heartbreaking it messes with your sense of safety you start second guessing yourself you replay conversations in your head over and over and over so much so that you begin to wonder hmm maybe i'm overreacting and you might even start shrinking a little thinking maybe it's better to stay quiet next time i've been there sitting in meetings where someone took credit for my work or positioned me as the one that created a mess and they came in to solve the problem and i just remember that the anger rose in my throat that silent scream of that's not what happened what are they talking about but here's the truth you don't reclaim your story by shouting louder or abruptly stopping somebody from talking just so you can get your point of view you reclaim it by anchoring deeper in who you are what you stand for how you show up next and how your work speaks for itself because comebacks aren't about vindication they're about evolution here's where it gets really interesting especially with human behavior humans are wired to love an underdog it's one of the most powerful psychological patterns we have studies show that we root for people who rise after unfair treatment why because it reminds us of resilience integrity and hope the very qualities we recrave with ourselves so when someone rewrites your story don't see it as an ending please don't see it as an ending see it as your origin story this is your turning point if you like to quote taylor swift it's your reputation era not the bitter revenge chapter but the transformation chapter when people underestimate you that's your cue to start quietly exceeding expectations and here's something powerful the human brain responds more strongly to redemption stories than to success stories people are moved by perseverance not by perfection so if you've been sidelined doubted or dismissed your comeback has already begun because awareness is the first act of reclaiming your story all right let's get tactical with this you've been misunderstood or overlooked now what how do you rebuild your reputation without slipping into defensive or resentment especially in defensive mode it's not about coming out of the gate guns blazing or boxing gloves on it's not that at all here's some steps that i'd like to walk you through that will help you build a strategy for your comeback that is classy not crassy is that a word crassy well anyway you know what i mean okay step one stop arguing with the old story every time you defend yourself you give the false narrative oxygen and what do we want to do with a fire in the room we want to put out the oxygen so it doesn't fan the flames instead pivot the conversation to your future focus say things like that's one version of the past here's where i'm focused now just so you can move the conversation into a more aligned and positive direction of where you want to head not focusing on old stories past events that really don't matter anymore because you are the one that has a mind growth technique and strategy people who are fixed are going to be playing those old records again and again and again that's not you to build micro proof of competence your credibility rebuilds one small visible win at a time again it's like the atomic habits book you start to build a habit or build your credibility one small step after the other at a time and before you know it your credibility and reputation are intact if not a lot stronger for it because again humans being humans they won't forget what they witnessed or heard from other people and when they see you being completely the opposite and successful they'll be like well what was that all about send clear updates follow through consistently let your results speak for itself reputation recovery is like compound interest steady deposits of integrity build unstoppable credibility step three borrow credibility through allyship not brown nosing not schmoozing up to people not divide and conquer but seeking neutral colleagues who can validate your contributions just so you know you're not crazy and it wasn't you that was thinking oh maybe i overreacted no let others echo your work rather than you broadcasting it that's social proof in motion step four redefine your brand narrative okay it is getting a little markety here but it is language in this modern day and age where we're all talking about our own personal brands thank you oprah and all that sort of stuff so start using phrases that reflect your growth for example that experience taught me a lot about resilience and clear communication you're reframing the story not erasing it you're also demonstrating by that statement that you are learning something from this and wanting to move on more confident more aware more enlightened and five embody calm confidence when you stop chasing approval people start believing your authority you don't need to chase approval emotional steadiness is magnetic remember that emotional steadiness is magnetic comebacks aren't loud they're consistent they're built through quiet excellence calm clarity and the unshakable truth of someone who no longer needs to prove anything and you do not need to have yourself associated with these other people who just suck the life out of you stay in your lane get your head down do your work and it will speak for itself and that brings me to something really important i want to share with you one of the biggest secrets i've learned after years of managing people as a manager we love staff who get their work done without creating chaos the people who quietly deliver stay consistent and come to us not just with problems but with possibilities those are the people who shine when someone comes to me and says hey peggy i noticed this issue i think it's happening because of x and here's a couple of ideas i've thought about what do you think you know what that tells me it's music to my ears it warms my heart no end because it tells me they've done their homework they're thinking critically they're demonstrating ownership and growth now that my friend is a future leader now compare that to the employee who just drops the problem on your desk like a hot potato hey something's wrong i need to talk to you can i call you something is always urgent with them and they need you to deal with it or they need you to listen to them while they show you every minutiae thing that they have done and they're just on send it's exhausting that might sound helpful to some people but what it really shows is a fixed mindset they're not learning and definitely not leading they're just transferring the stress and sometimes they even believe they're saving the day but they're really just adding drama and unfortunately some management do get sucked into this type of behavior where they're like oh yeah so and so they're on it sally knows what she's talking about yeah let's hear from sally what have you got to say on the matter when in actual fact sally has played everybody exactly where she wants them in her game which is to hold everyone to ransom or to court because she views herself as the queen or yeah i'm not even gonna go there with any other kind of analogy let's just leave it there and oh yes i've worked with a few of those characters the ones who send those reply all emails for example copying in everyone in the departments to say oh sorry about that my colleague made a mistake but i'll fix it knowing darn well who made the mistake and it doesn't take much for those other colleagues to go oh what kind of mistake was made. Oh, let me just go find out myself. Oh, is that so-and-so? Oh, okay.
Yeah, I kid you not. This has literally happened in my career. You've probably seen it too, or maybe it's happened and you haven't even realized it. That kind of behavior screams, look at me, instead of let's solve this, or going directly to the colleague and saying, hey, I got this email from someone.
Would you like to reply? Because I know you did the work. Or, hey, I got this email from someone. I'll take care of it.
Don't worry about it. Or, you know what? Just take care of it and don't copy in anybody, but just reply directly back to the person and say, yeah, I'll take care of it. You don't need to say sorry.
You don't need to call out another colleague that made a mistake. I mean, that is just such bad behavior. Don't get me started. Anyway.
Okay. Time for a deep breath. You can probably tell I'm quite passionate about this, and now we're going to dive deeper into that kind of behavior. The public fixer is how I call them or label them.
But this is going to happen in a future episode, so stay tuned for that one. I need to park my own behavior for now and focus on the task at hand. But now, here's the mindset shift I want you to make. When you find an issue at work, pause and ask yourself, one, why did this happen?
Two, can I fix it myself? Do I know how to fix it? And three, if not, how can I bring it forward constructively and proactively? That's how you reclaim your sanity at work.
You don't bring problems as complaints. You bring them as opportunities for improvement. You say, here's what happened. Here's what I discovered.
And here's what I suggest. Do you think this is the best course of action? Your manager, and I guarantee this, your manager will love you for this. You're showing maturity, collaboration, and initiative.
Remember, you're not calling out colleagues. You're not calling up solutions. Well, actually, you are calling up solutions, but you're giving them options, them being your manager. You're giving your manager options to the solutions that you've come up with because you'd like their input, because they have a different perspective or maybe see things a little differently than you might not realize or at this moment in time have enough knowledge of.
You're not trying to look good at somebody else's expense. You're simply demonstrating that you know your work, you own your work, and you get it done. That's how real professionals rise. That's how reputations rebuild themselves and continue to build themselves.
Okay, let's talk mindset. The difference between people who stay stuck and those who rise is not luck. Okay, it is narrative control, to use a kind of popular phrase at the moment. They learn to tell the right story to themselves first.
That's the important thing. What kind of a story are you telling yourself first? Here's three mindset shifts that change everything. One, from why did this happen to me?
Two, what is this teaching me? This reframes the pain into progress. So why did this happen to me? And now we're going to say, what is this teaching me?
What can I learn from this? Two, from I need to prove them wrong. Move into and transition into I'll let my work prove me right. That transforms revenge and my gosh, I can't even say it.
That transforms revenge energy. Oh gosh, say that three times fast. Into self-trust. So we're no longer saying I need to prove them wrong.
Two, I'll let my work prove me right. Transform that energy into self-trust. And three, from they ruined my reputation. I'm so embarrassed.
Two, they revealed my resilience. That's when your story becomes your strength, especially when you can walk back into work with your head held high and over and over say to yourself, they revealed my resilience. I am resilient. Then you know that you have made a pivotal moment in your career where you're starting to change for the better.
You're rising above all of the messiness of some of the poor behavior at work. Remember, people can steal credit, but they can't steal your character. And in the long game of leadership, character always wins. Remember that character always wins.
If you take one thing from today, let it be this. The best reputations aren't managed. They're lived. When you focus on authenticity, transparency, and grace, your story naturally rewrites itself.
Think of this as your reputation reset. Stay consistent, not reactive. Speak facts, not frustration. Choose growth, not gossip.
And over time, the truth always, always, always catches up. Everything comes out in the wash. Rebuilding your reputation isn't about proving anyone wrong. It's about proving yourself right.
Let others focus on noise. You, my friend, stay focused on growth. Over time, the truth and your results will shine brighter than the gossip ever could. So, my friend, if someone has twisted your story, breathe.
You don't need to chase rumors or correct every whisper. The truth has a funny way of finding daylight. Your job is to stay focused on your growth, your goals, and your greatness. That's how leaders rise, with quiet confidence and unstoppable clarity.
Because the best revenge isn't payback, it's peace. All right, my friend, I want to thank you for joining me today on the Career Pivot Accelerator. I hope you've enjoyed the ride. If this episode spoke to your heart, please share it with a friend who's walking through their own comeback, or they're about to, or just can't see the wood for the trees and they need to start walking through their own comeback.
They will no doubt thank you for it. If this resonated with you, don't just listen and move on. Please subscribe to the Career Pivot Accelerator so you never miss the next message that helps you rise above the noise, rebuild your confidence, and keep leading with calm strength. Until next time, my friend, keep leading with empathy, rising with integrity, and owning your beautiful, unstoppable story.
Bye for now.